Are your foster children extremely clingy?

I have had kids like that. They were scared I would leave them if they were not attached to me, and it got better over time. I did carry them everywhere for a while and used a carrier thingy so I could still get things done. I talked to them about whati was doing, what we had planned for the day, and so on while carrying them. They just needed that security that I would be there.

My older FC has been here about 18 months and he's like a shadow. He doesn't like me to be out of his line of sight. If I leave the room he needs to know where I'm going. He wants our schedule of events repeated and confirmed a lot. Changes, like a new babysitter, can not be sprung up on him. It can be very, very tiring. He was witness to extremely graphic domestic violence while in the home. The therapist said the only thing that will help his hyper-vigilance is time and consistency.

YES. Mine do it for a different reason though...they just want my attention 24/7. They cannot play more than 4 minutes without seeing me, or coming to me with a question, or a false boo boo, or tattle on the other. It drives me batty. They have been home 6 months and still want to be "by" me all the time. I guess it HAS gotten better, but after raising 2 boys that would play for hours without my attention, this constant "look at me" is driving me bonkers. JUST GO PLAY! LOL Mine are past the hold me age, thank goodness. My back would be crazy sore if they were young enough to have to pick up.

Oh, and I second what Missygooch said.... the hypervigilance is so severe. Routine is so very important to these kids. If I take a shortcut to daycare/the store/etc, the 4 yr old is all concerned about WHY I am going that way? She is ONLY 4 and knows the way to the store, the church, school, their brothers school, etc. If I take a different turn, she notices and questions me. Anything off routine is also a big problem. I had to take older sis to a Dr apt today, which left her at daycare without her sister. She had a meltdown at daycare. I would have taken her, but it was a very important appt with the sleep specialist and I didn't want to be interrupted every 20 seconds.... I feel for you! You are NOT alone.

Foster kids often are very clingy or very independent or go between the extremes. Those things are signs of attachment concerns. Usually, that doesn't mean attachment disorder, of course. It just may mean that their first couple years were a bit inconsistent, included a somewhat withdrawn parent, had clingy parents, whatever. In time, they will likely learn boundaries, especially when they are getting their needs met. I would focus on the latter :)

My baby was like that the first few weeks but she had been abandoned with a stranger so I think she was afraid of being left again. So sad.

Anakin (3yrs) all of a sudden became very clingy recently. I can't say the two are related, but he started to get very clingy since he hasn't had any visits with biomom. So, in about the past 3 weeks. I have had other kiddos who were very clingy....or way independent.

That's what I'm dealing with, with the 5 y/o. Her therapist has told me to give he attention for the behavior that is positive but to ignore her blatant ploys for attention otherwise. It's not easy, but it's making it somewhat better. The biggest problem now is the attention seeking when other people come over. They aren't as able to ignore her acting out.

THIS. Our BOTH act like lunatics when there is an "audience" They ask them to give them stuff, get stuff for them, buy them stuff, grab stuff, don't use their manners, etc. The 4 yr old bounces around like Tigger, jumps on the furniture, harasses the dog, runs around, etc. ALL things she knows are house rules and not to do (and for the majority of the time doesn't do when no one is here to show off for). We pretty much don't have people over.... or go to others houses. Every time we do it is a disaster, with the last visit to family ending our contact with Grandma and her side of the family. Other people just don't get it.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

YES! It makes it difficult, at times. I avoid having people over whenever possible because of it. If I'm going to have friends over, they come over late, after the kids are in bed, because the acting out is exhausting to me & awkward for them.

It helps when you have other kids in the house b/c they'll eventually start to follow them around as much as they follow you around. You didn't say how long you've had him/her. My toddler was like that for about a month, and now the only time he wants me to hold him is if we are in an unfamiliar place, I'm picking him up from daycare, or the church nursery. However those times are perfectly normal, and I love seeing his eyes light up when he sees me. Before he would cry to be carried EVERYWHERE, but I had to put a stop to that. He needed to learn that there were times I could hold him and there were times that I couldn't. In a nutshell, yes as they feel more confident and secure, they become less clingy!