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Hey everyone. So last week my mom told me she had something important to tell me, and proceeded to tell me that I have an older sister. She told me that my dad got her pregnant a couple years before I was born, while they were in high school(I'm 29 now), and my grandmother made her give her up for adoption because she said to was too young to raise a baby, even though my mom wanted to keep her. I was shocked, devastated, I cried for hours, and I've been thinking about it every second since she told me. She said the only people that knew were her, my dad, my grandmother and my aunt. My dad and grandmother have passed away within the last few years so I don't know if that has anything to do with why she told me, but she said its been haunting her ever since she gave her up.
Im just trying to see what the chances are that she would want anything to do with me or even talk to me? I feel like a part of my life that should have been there was taken away. I don't even know what I would or should expect if I was able to locate her? Also Im wondering if on the chance she doesn't want to really talk to my mom, which I know does happen alot of times, would she still have interest in talking to me? To find out I also have a full sibling breaks my heart.
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I an 47, an adoptee, with six bsiblings. They didn't know anything about me until 4 months ago. Within a week of finding out one of the brothers was in contact with me. We talked on the phone for over an hour! It was wierd, overwhelming and amazing. I walked around the next day continually thinking "I have a brother". I have since been in conact with 5 of my bsiblings. I am meeting my bsister in 5 days. I feel like she is my best friend!I would encourage you to make contact with your sister and take it one step at a time. You never know where the journey will end!Good luck!
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That's great to hear!! I hope everything continues to go well! Yes I will continue searching for her, since finding out that's all I've wanted to do. I don't even know where to look. All I have is her birth date, her birth name which my mom doesn't even know if she still has, and the city where she was born. I've tried typing in every combination I could think of into google, but came up with nothing. I just really hope she has an interest in talking if I ever do find her. My mom told me she looked exactly like me when she was born, and she's only a couple years older than me, so I can only imagine how much she is just like me. Thank you so much for the encouragement and its great to hear a story like yours!
Find out what adoption agency your mother used and contact them. They may provide a search service for you. (It won't be free, but it most states, they won't give you identifying information for your sister, so you will most likely have to use a search service.)Your sister may want to interact with both of you, neither of you, just your mother, or just you. Its really hard to say.But, I am so very happy to know that you handled this information so well. My mother is in the closet. I cannot have a relationship with her because her children do not know about me. She fears that they will have a poor opinion of her. Read all you can about adoption reunions. If you find her, it will be quite a ride no matter what happens.Good luck!
Just a few words of encouragement:
Perhaps your sister is also looking for you. My mother was adopted shortly after birth and found out years later (after petitioning the court for her closed adoption records for medical reasons) that she also has a half-sister by her biological mother. While my mother knows who the woman is and we have even trick or treated at her house with my kids, my mother's biological mother never told her younger daughter about my mother's existence. My mother would love to have a relationship with her younger sister but out of respect for her biomother's wishes she has never sought contact....so just as a thought perhaps your sister is out there looking for you as well.
This is facsinating to me as I have just discovered, at the ripe old age of 58, that the woman I grew up believing was my much older half sister was actually my birth mom. The woman I thought was my mother was my grandmother.
Although my "sister" (birth mom) and I never really had much of a relationship, she married (not my biological father) and moved out of state 7 months after I was born and proceeded to have 7 more children. I got to meet and get the know the 4 oldest girls a little bit when I was about 12 or 13. After all they were much closer to my age than my sister/birth mother.
I am now struggling with whether to let these women who, vaguley remember them as the aunt, close to their age, know about our true relationship. Their mother (and mine it turns out) has passed and I am relatively certain they have no idea of our true relationship.
The major regret I have about this entire situation is that I never really had the chance to know my sisters and two brothers. I always longed for a bunch of siblilngs and now I find out I have them. Half siblings at any rate.
I cannot tell you how thrilled I would be if it turned out one of them knew the truth and reached out to me, so I did not have to decide whether to let them know or not.
I vote for contacting her, absolutely 100%.
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Adoptee here. I registered just to reply to this thread!
I discovered I had an older sister that lived with my birthmother when I was sixteen. The situation was a little tense and awkward, but I think it was worth it to have contacted her.
That being said, I think it's also important to respect any rejection you get. Adoption is a nuanced subject, and every adoptee feels differently about their adoption, so when you go into this as a non-adoptee, please tread carefully! It may take her some time to warm up- it may take no time at all, and you it may never happen the way you want it to. Please prepare yourself for all possibilities before you contact her!
My account was banned from Adoption.com as "Rude to Admins" because I had requested a thread to be removed. After they had not removed it, I requested again, and then again. The owner of this site apparently do not care about privacy, they only care about being paid by selling ads. They also deleted my posts saying such.
A WARNING FOR ALL - DO NOT USE OR POST TO THIS WEBSITE - ITS A FRAUD.
To protect the privacy of a MINOR, I again request removal of this entire thread:
[url]http://forums.adoption.com/birth-parents-awaiting-their-first-contact/416664-waiting-knock-door.html[/url]
My account was banned from Adoption.com as "Rude to Admins" because I had requested a thread to be removed. After they had not removed it, I requested again, and then again. The owner of this site apparently do not care about privacy, they only care about being paid by selling ads. They also deleted my posts saying such.
A WARNING FOR ALL - DO NOT USE OR POST TO THIS WEBSITE - ITS A FRAUD.
To protect the privacy of a MINOR, I again request removal of this entire thread:
[url]http://forums.adoption.com/birth-parents-awaiting-their-first-contact/416664-waiting-knock-door.html[/url]