Unforgettable 40s

I definitely know that I could make my story a Lifetime movie. I am now 46 and I found out I was adopted at the glorious age of 40. As if turning 40 wasn't a big thing already that year, it was a big turning point in my life as I had decided to end a 16 year abusive relationship with the father of my kids and in turn he decided to even make it more memorable by telling me the family secret that I was adopted. Oh, and not to mention he told me on Easter Sunday so I would make sure I would never forget. My godmother was at my house that day and one of the things that I asked her, "am I really 40?". I was hoping through this shocking news something happy would come out of it that I was really younger. As many of you that share this experience, you can just imagine the rollercoaster of emotions that I went through in less than 30 seconds. As hours turned into days and days into months and months into years, everything, well almost everything has come together. I think that once we get over the shock we feel like the little boy in the movie, The Sixth Sense, that we look back at things and say, "oh that's why.... I don't look like my parents, that's why my mom didn't have any baby pictures of me, that's why there are no pictures of my mom pregnant with me....." and the list goes on. At the beginning when I found out, I found myself pushing away the ONLY family I knew and the people that have loved me all my life. I felt as if I was like the girl in the plastic bubble, that everyone looking into the bubble knew the truth and me inside the bubble looking out had no clue of the truth. Unfortunately, when I found out I was adopted both my adopted parents had passed away, so my Godmother, who has always been a part of my life, was the one that told me the whole story, or at least what she could remember. Through these past 6 years I have been CSI Miami. Little by little I have put all the pieces together. My bio mom was a Cuban immigrant that came to the states, assumptions, to have a better life. My father is still a mystery but God willing in a couple of days that will come out to the light who he is. My story is not the typical teenage pregnancy or mom had an addiction. or mom ran away with the love of her life and left me with grandma to raise. My birthday is Jan 2 and my mom was celebrating my 3rd birthday. I lived in Chicago at the time. At that time my mom had a boyfriend and being that it was 1970, not the best of era's, I guess they were celebrating MY BIRTHDAY like rock stars and the man that was with my mom at the time, shot her in the face and killed her instantly. Saddest part that I was there, though I don't remember, but in the police report, that I was able to obtain, it stated that child was found on bed covered in blood sleeping. Through my CSI investigation I discovered that he was found NOT GUILTY and ruled it as an accidental death and he walked. Through the transcripts of that hearing, is where I found out he was not my father and that is where all took a turn. He claimed to the judge that although he was not my father, he loved me as if I was his daughter. But you know what they say about karma, I found an article about him that he was murdered like 5 years later because he was caught up in the drug world of the 80's and I guess he had a deal go wrong. And the rest is history. A lot of people ask me how does it feel to know you were adopted and I respond that if I would of had a really horrible life, then I might of felt bitter, but being that God blessed me with the best parents and family in the world, I thank Him for letting them choose me to be their daughter. At times I even feel guilty toward my parents (adopted) because I don't want them from heaven hating me or feeling that I have betrayed them by finding out the truth. I pray to my bio mom because I think that now she is really at peace because I have found her. I hope to one day go to Chicago and visit her grave, that I was also able to find. I am a great believer that every negative has a positive and I think that my story is living proof of that. God only knows what my life really would have been like and who would I really be today. If I do finally get to meet my bio dad, although he will be a stranger to me, I pray that reuniting will bring him peace and me my final closure to move on. If my bio dad makes the decision not to meet me, then I will take it as Gods will and instead of bringing him to the light, to keep him in the dark and in the past as my life will continue and my blessings will remain the same. My adopted parents molded me to the woman I am today and for that I thank them. And to my bio mom looking down on me today, I thank her for making the choice to have me in an era that was so difficult not only for a young woman but for an immigrant from another country. Thank you for listening to my story and I hope to make some connections and friendships that have experienced and continue riding the same rollercoaster I am.