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Hi I'm new on here so I don't exactly know where to post this but here goes. I was adopted at birth and met my birth mom when I was 15 years old. We met once then didn't talk for a few years. Then I got married and had a baby girl so I decided to include her in my life since she was a grandma. My daughter is the only grandchild she has so I want her to be a part of her life.
So, long story short we started hanging out and she and her husband (who is not my biological father!) come over for the holidays and special occasions and just for dinner parties. She is very nice and a great person in general. My biological father I had a feeling wasn't that good of a person so I never really cared about meeting him and don't want to. But her husband is a little strange.
Pretty much from the first day we met he kept saying he loved me and my half sister. Which my half sister was adopted with me so we have been together all of our life. He constantly calls me texts me and messages me on facebook. He is a little too in your face and I don't feel comfortable saying I love you to him. I don't even really feel comfortable saying I love you to my biological mom. I have known them for a year and barely really know anything about them. He always wants to come over to my house but never invites us to their place. I don't feel comfortable around him and I don't know why.
So, my question is should I love my birth mom and her husband even if I barely know anything about them? We hangout but we don't talk about them much. Mainly about me and my life. They don't even talk much to my half sister which is her other daughter! Am I wrong to not love them? I don't know how to tell them how I feel and that I just don't feel comfortable saying I love you to them yet....
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I don't think you are wrong at all. You know your feelings and love takes time . Although your BM is blood she is still someone not 100% in your life so give it time and don't worry . As for your BMs husband that would get me off centre too . Maybe he is just nervous about the situation and thinks saying those things help but if it makes you uncomfortable always trust your own instincts . If it really bothers you and you feel like you can say something about it then maybe you should explain that it bothers you
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MilitaryDriven21
Hi I'm new on here so I don't exactly know where to post this but here goes. I was adopted at birth and met my birth mom when I was 15 years old. We met once then didn't talk for a few years. Then I got married and had a baby girl so I decided to include her in my life since she was a grandma. My daughter is the only grandchild she has so I want her to be a part of her life.
So, long story short we started hanging out and she and her husband (who is not my biological father!) come over for the holidays and special occasions and just for dinner parties. She is very nice and a great person in general. My biological father I had a feeling wasn't that good of a person so I never really cared about meeting him and don't want to. But her husband is a little strange.
Pretty much from the first day we met he kept saying he loved me and my half sister. Which my half sister was adopted with me so we have been together all of our life. He constantly calls me texts me and messages me on facebook. He is a little too in your face and I don't feel comfortable saying I love you to him. I don't even really feel comfortable saying I love you to my biological mom. I have known them for a year and barely really know anything about them. He always wants to come over to my house but never invites us to their place. I don't feel comfortable around him and I don't know why.
So, my question is should I love my birth mom and her husband even if I barely know anything about them? We hangout but we don't talk about them much. Mainly about me and my life. They don't even talk much to my half sister which is her other daughter! Am I wrong to not love them? I don't know how to tell them how I feel and that I just don't feel comfortable saying I love you to them yet....
It happens and I can understand your feelings. Although you have been away from them for so long years, you are part of their life. This feeling which you told me has been developed through all those years where you were left in solitude. So this would definitely take some time to wither and start a new one. All I would suggest you to give some time, get along with your parents and you will gradually be fine with them and feel happy too.
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MilitaryDriven, I agree with NovaScotiaBorn's suggestion to trust your instincts. It's ok to tell him (or both of them) that you are not comfortable at this time with _____ (something specific they just asked of you). "At this time" leaves the door open to change in the future but if you find that you are just not ok with something then it really helps to be clear about it. You need to have your needs and pace respected, also.
It's possible that your first mother's husband is trying "too hard" to be friendly or that he is a bit socially awkward. It's perfectly reasonable for you to take your time and figure out where your discomfort is coming from and whether there is actually reason to be cautious.
How have things gone lately?
Laurie_Colton
you will gradually be fine with them and feel happy too.
Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way, even with the best of intentions.
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