Adoptive parents

Hi K, It annoys me when other people tell other people they are depressed! Have you read the books they are getting their information from? I've heard so many adoptees agree and disagree with different things in the "books". Some of us deal with different things. Not all of the stuff effects every one of us. We are all individuals, with individual situations. I'd explain that to them, a lot. I'd ask about the particular issue they are concerned with, and if it wasn't a real issue for me I'd let them know why I thought/knew it wasn't. I'd try to tell them about any issues I might notice I need work on, and ask for their help. Give them something to do to keep them busy thinking about you and involved, they seem to like that ;)

Oh Gods, yes. Every other month my adoptive mother was ranting at me that I was Bipolar, that I needed psychiatric help, did I want to talk to my therapist again? How about now? What about next week? Why not when I'm clearly Bipolar and/or Depressed? I think a lot of times people push their own diagnosis or history on others. My adoptive mother has been depressed and I (and others) strongly believe she herself is Bipolar and she fits many many MANY of the traits for it so I think she's hyperaware of this and it's almost a denial and deflection. If I'm the "crazy one" then she doesn't have to be. Sometimes I also wonder if she pushes it so hard as an excuse for why we didn't bond or why I'm not the perfect child she envisioned when she adopted me. That it's easier to blame some psychiatric issue on me than to just accept that we have a failed adoption and maybe she picked the wrong kid or maybe she was a terrible parent. I don't really have any answers on how to stop it. A lot of times parents like that won't stop. They're obsessed. They're in denial. It's a scary and frustrating mix. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to simply ignore it, bite your tongue, let them make their stupid comments and then move on with your life and if necessary move out and minimize your contact with them. Once you're independent you have far more control and can basically tell them "I refuse to see if you continue to harp on about this Depression thing. I am an adult, I control my own health issues and I have already stated my feelings on your theory." And if they continue to spring it on you when you get together then you can stop seeing them until they stop.

Good Gawd you guys are so lucky. I AM depressed and have been for years but my afamily says that nothing is wrong with me because they don't raise depressed children. Aparents. They need their own self help club.

So after about a month of hardly no communication with my parents, (mainly because I was in class and needed to keep focused on that until after finals) I ended up emailing them regarding a majority of their concerns and such. I had previously told them that I was not responding as to avoid anything said out of emotion. However, my mom had attempted to call me while I was indisposed and ended up sending me a text how I was running away from God and family, being adolescent, etc. So I sent an email trying to clarify some things and how it is not immature to decide to not maintain contact with people who are bringing negativity. I tried to be respectful but find it difficult when people say "they know" something. They don't know, they are only having feelings like everyone else and need to thoroughly look into those before speaking. I even suggested they look at some adoptive forums where maybe they can get a better view/feedback of what all may occur in the mind of an adoptee. Reading books still only gives you information you interpret and choose to recognize as truth. Thank you for your responses and support. Don't like feeling like I need to kind of put my parents in their place at times, but guess sometimes it may be necessary in order to help them realize I am no longer a child.

I may be way out of line here, so pardon if it comes across that way.... but this sounds like a PARENTING problem and not an ADOPTION problem. Adopting does not = depression and visa versa. Maybe talk to your parents and say, "ok, let's ignore the adoption part of the equation for just a minute. Now, lets focus on IF I am or am not depressed." Maybe break it down for them. I have suffered from depression. I was not adopted. My brother's sons are both adopted. They do not suffer depression.

AlabamaMommy- that is what I have been trying to convey to my parents. Despite the adoption factor, I am not currently suffering from depression. I've had it when I was younger for obvious reasons but I do not fit that description any longer. Both of my parents are pediatric physicians so I do not view them as completely uninformed persons, but as I have told them, no two patients are alike and neither are adoptees.