Thought I'd share some recent events from my life:
A guy added me on facebook last year. I knew of him, had seen him around & we had lots of IRL mutual friends, as we were in the same degree program in Graduate school. It took me a while to add him, while I asked around about him, because I had only been around him but never actually known him.
In any event, I added him with limited access to my profile & never thought about it. We have a lot of the same interests, so there were a lot of "likes" and such, but no direct interaction until spring of this year, when I posted a status about guy code (actually posted as a joke, aimed at one of my guy friends). That led to a long conversation about honor, integrity, respect, etc & how people shouldn't treat people with such disregard,etc. This, of course, led to more conversations & eventually a date at the beginning of July. Since that point, we saw each other two-three times a week.
I delayed getting him involved with the kids until he said that he wanted to be serious & I had checked him out a bit. By all accounts, he was getting rave reviews from everyone & is from a good family with a good job.
Turned out he was great with the kids & a respectful gentleman to me. Things were going great. We met each others kids & were planning to meet each others extended families over the next couple weeks. We even planned a vacation for the fall. Everything seemed to be moving in a positive direction.
However, being a paranoid person, I always dissect what I'm told...especially when something seems to good to be true. Turns out he has been running the same game on another woman, since about a month in with me.
She has the same number of kids that I do & is a foster parent, as well! Same basic setup: befriended on fb because of numerous mutual IRL friends. When she ended a bad long term relationship, he pounced.
I figured all this out & forced him to tell me on Monday. She & I spent all day yesterday talking and she ended it with him. Turns out he was sending us both the same photos & messages. He asked her on the same trip. I called the cabin rental where we supposedly had reservation, but none were ever actually made. He was seeing me during the week & her on the weekend. All indicators are that he intended on continuing this for some time.
Anyhow, it's a good illustration that there are some men out there that see single mothers as vulnerable & prey on that. I don't feel that my children were ever in danger, as this man seems to just get off on the whole playing with women's emotions. I see that as a reflection on him, not me, so I'm fine. Fortunately, I was honest with her & she has been spared the potential heartache & having her kids get attached to him, only for him to suddenly disappear.
He went from telling me (post break up) that I was wonderful & beautiful & he'd love to stay friends with me, to telling her that I'm crazy & blocking me on FB (with no interaction at all between him & I). I guess that means he's upset that I talked to her. Oops... ;)
I'm sorry you have to go through that but good for you - you can never be to careful and following your instincts to self protect is always called for.
Take care,
There have been several twists & turns since I posted this, including him spending several days in jail. I am thankful to have found out so early & separated from that negativity before it affected my life. Unfortunately (IMO) for the new woman, she has been pulled in by his charm & is trying to give him a chance. "He says none of this will ever happen again." I think she's being naive, given the stuff that we both now know about his history (which includes a violent hate crime & a drinking problem that he is just now in the early stages of dealing with, thanks to court intervention), but I gave her all the information that I had, so it's up to her what she does with it.