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I am 23 years old and I have two little boys to my ex partner. He was abusive towards me and my boys and I ended up leaving him, which resulted in me becoming homeless, with no money and no job. I also have no family and had nobody to turn to. I was also not eligible for any help, as I voluntarily left my ex partner so I was seen as wilfully homeless. I made the agonising decision to place my two boys up for adoption, as I wanted them to be happy and safe and now all I feel is that when they're older, they will blame me and think I didn't love them. Which is so untrue. I would die for them and I'm so sad that I won't see them grow up.
Please can someone offer me some reassurance. I need to know they wont hate me when they're older. I want them to know that their Mummy loves them more than anything...
I love you so much Mark & TJ... Always have, Always will.. <3
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I'm glad that you get to write to them once a year. I would recommend keeping copies of everything you send to them in a safe place. That way, when they are adults, if they never received the originals or were too young to remember the letters, you'll be able to give them copies to read, if they want them. I was adopted at birth, so my situation is different from yours. But, I can say that I have never hated (or even disapproved of) the choice my b-parents made.
We are looking to adopt and went through foster care training just to open that door for adoption also. Anyway, in the foster care training classes, we talk a LOT about feelings that older children may have toward their parents. (Older meaning any age old enough to remember their parents.) And I can assure you that, no matter the situation, those boys LOVE you. They may have questions and not understand, but that doesn't change their LOVE for you. If their adoptive parents are decent people, they will be telling those boys every day what a sacrifice you made for them and how much you care for them that you would be willing to give them more than you could offer at that time in your life. If resentment occurs later, it is a product of misunderstanding, not hate. I'm so proud of you that you were willing and able to make such a tough decision for the love of your children. I have two boys of my own, and I can imagine how tough this must be. But you are amazing and stronger than most. I know this because you did what was best for them, not yourself. Take a deep breath. You've got this! Those boys will be fine, better than fine, thanks to you!
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It might be a good idea to keep a journal if you're not already doing so. Are you allowed to send them birthday cards?
If you're not you could by cards anyway for each birthday then if get the chance to give them the cards personally in the future they will know you have always thought about them on their birthdays.