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Seriously - we open our homes to kids - love them like they are our own and face immense heartbreak and then I read a newspaper in my local paper that says this: (it was about the kinship program)From the director:or this one from the kinship provider:Yes - I get that that it is better for kids to be with someone who already knows and loves them...but really...do they have to bash foster parents every chance they get!?!?!?The woman in the article quit her job and they struggled to keep her neighbor's kids. They talked about how the program gives them the assistance they need financially, clothes, food, equipment, etc. so these kids don't have to go into foster care....How about they say it this way...Whenever possible the goal is to keep kids in their schools and neighborhoods and we do what we can to help family and friends be a kinship resource. There just aren't enough foster homes to help all the kids we need to help and we really rely on the kinship program to fill the need so that in situations where there truly is no one else to take them that there are foster homes available.I get the kinship providers quote - she thinks foster care is evil and all foster parents beat their kids. But the Kinship director - REALLY!?!?! See - I don't care when people ask me about the kids or how I can give them back, etc. because its my chance to be an ambassador for foster care. This is the crap that ticks me off...it perpetuates the myth that foster care is evil and all foster parents treat kids horribly.I also hate that people think we are just babysitters - at the end of our last semi-annual review when we had raised Peanut from birth and he was 19 months old...the woman actually said to us as we left the room "Thanks for taking care of him..." Like we had just been the babysitter for the night...And I hate telling the doctor's office that I am his foster mom...because suddenly I lose credibility...and in Firecracker's case I suddenly got phone calls made to CS because THE DOCTOR prescribed meds that made him lose weight but maybe I was starving him....but I am just a foster parent and after all we are all just in it for the money and don't love these kids.My husband recently attended a training event - he went to it because it gave him legal education credits and FC training credits - but the room had mostly GALs and CWs. He said there were only a couple of FPs and there was a lot of bashing of FPs in the room. He said there were horror stories about how FPs treat kids...and that begs this question...Isn't it the CWs job to check up on these homes and make sure the kids are being treated well and loved and taken care of. Doesn't the failure fall on them as well as the foster parents!?!?! The stories came from kids who had aged out or were about to...and most of them said they only saw their CWs about once every 6 months....so whose fault is it?!!?Rant over....sorry....I just hate hearing how awful foster homes are all the time!!! Maybe if the system started doing better PR they might get better foster parents and have a better retention rate as well!!!!!
“My biggest focus is to keep the children out of the foster care program so they can stay with people who love them,” she said.
“It needed to be done. It was either us or foster care.”
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WhatsaHoosier
Honestly, I think you should write to the newspaper and give them an opinion piece to run in the next edition. Most, if not all papers in major cities have one, I thought. Let them see your point of view and maybe a few examples of the GOOD foster parents do! It's not about the supposed piles of gold foster parents are given for taking on stranger's (or family member's) kids. Heck, a lot of people don't even realize they'll be getting paid to be foster parents until someone goes over it (I know that was the case for myself and DH!). Don't let those few bad apples who make it into the nightly news make the rest of foster parents look bad. I wish it weren't that only the bad stories get put out there. Where are the stories of children being welcomed into families and excelling at life when they wouldn't have had even HALF the opportunities before?! I hope you give them a piece of your mind!
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I can sort of see what they mean when people say that they would do anything to keep kids out of foster care. Really foster care sucks. The system does not, for the most part, help kids. I am not saying that kids should be left in horrible homes but that the trauma that goes along with being in the system is sometimes just as bad. I also think that foster parents get blamed as being that system even though many disagree with how it works.
I too would have loved to be able to keep Niece out of the foster care system. Let's face it, the system sucks!!! How many times have all of you vented on this board about ego crazed social workers, clueless judges, missing in action GALs?As for non-kin foster parents, Niece has had 3 in her less than one year in care, and the first one was wonderful; the second was amazing; the third...well...she's not abusive, just very strange. The problem with foster care is that in under one year, Niece has had 3 foster homes...and she has been moved, not because of her behaviors, but because of the way foster care is run. And when the freaking ICPC is finally done (that reminds me, I have to start bugging the SW, who does not return emails or phone calls unless we are headed to court) Niece is going to have to move again.
I don't know how many times I have had the CW or someone in her office say, "thank you so much for taking care of him"....like it is just a random babysitting gig. I hate that. I understand that to them it is temporary until TPR, but I would think something akin to "Thank you for letting him be part of your home and family." would be MUCH more appropriate!!! I am a kinship placement but also a foster parent and I don't like the negativity she places on foster care by that statement. We had an entire section in our training about verbage and positive vs. negative words....I think maybe they need to start thinking about how statement like that make "fostercare" seem soo negative. I understand saying you wanted to care for a child to keep him or her out of fostercare, but the point is is that they are still a part of the fostercare system...Again would make more sense to say "I didnt want him to have to move in with strangers or be moved from the area and schools he is not used to".... I agree there are bad foster parents out there, but I have yet to see ONE positive media story about fostercare. There is no system perfect enough to vet out every ill intented person, but I do believe the CWs fail sometimes in vetting them out. Our CW has to "see" the child monthly, but only has to "see him in the home" once every 3 months. These visits consist of her coming over for about 2 minutes and leaving. There has never been ANY observation of him interacting with anyone at home.
No offense, but as a kinship provider for our nephew, I said many times to other people that we were so happy he never had to be in traditional foster care and was always with family (despite moves to 3 different family homes in 2 states within 1 year). I get that you all provide very loving homes to your foster kids, however I do not at all believe every single foster home out there is like that. Some of the people in our orientation session were downright creepy (not sure if any of them made it all the way to fostering) and I truly do believe there are foster parents out there who do not do it for the right reasons. Nephew was an only child and had enough behavioral issues without being thrown in with complete strangers and kids who come from who knows what other situations. Not only that, but being with family members that he knew (though only barely for us) and had a connection to his parents eased what was already an incredibly traumatic process. My boyfriend and are are ABSOLUTELY NOT perfect parents (and no doubt do not have the skills a foster parent could provide in experience with traumatized youth), but we provide him a real connection to his parents and grandparents, whom he still loves deeply, and we can provide and give him, his recovery and progress our 100% attention, which most foster parents cannot as they have multiple kids. I truly believe that in 99% of situations (except when the kinship person is totally inappropriate/felon/cannot provide, etc...) kinship is better for the child and foster care should be a second resort because of the reasons I listed above. I think your director may have meant something like that--not that foster parents aren't loving, but the child can stay in a loving home that they know or have a connection to, rather than having to develop that love in a new home. That also frees up all the excellent foster homes for kids who don't have a kinship option! (my opinion might change if the child was with foster parents for a long time and did not know the kinship providers--I'm talking about removal directly to kinship).
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I guess I don't read those comments in a negative way. And maybe I'm lucky, but I've only been encouraged and been told "thank you for what you do" and such since we started. In fact, since we've started this process and gotten licensed the only time I can remember getting put down was here :confused: I'm know there are those who will be negative. So far they have kept those comments to themselves (to my face) :evilgrin: I feel good about what I'm doing and I think that shows to others. I would never want my kids in foster care. I can understand people thinking this is a last resort. There are also non-foster homes I would not want my kids in. There are good homes and bad. Just like in homes that are not foster homes. I feel like I have a lot of support from people at work as well as the agency I work with. I'm very thankful for that!
What the kinship providers are saying is exactly my point. I would move heaven and earth to keep anyone I know out of foster care but not every kid has someone who can take them and they end up in foster care...but because the talk about foster care is so negative...the system will never get better. And parent's will believe that every foster parent it trying to steal their child, or beating them or only in it for the money which then puts the kid in between the parents and foster parents and allegations start and etc. People don't sign up to foster because of the bad rap Foster parents get...there is nothing more degrading than the change in tone I get when I say I am Peanut's foster mom at a doctor's appointment...like I am a baby stealer or don't really love him or am just in it for the money. If the dialogue about foster care was that it was a last resort but there are many loving homes waiting for these kids and foster parents weren't treated so badly then the odds are more people would foster. And the more people you have fostering, the higher of quality the foster homes would be...and then those kids who don't have a kinship opportunity wouldn't have to go into the crappy homes...which by the way I am willing to bet is a lower percentage than many people believe.
That stinks you get that attitude from those at the dr. Our family physician knows our family. We are in a small town. Our entire medical staff locally knows us. They love our foster kids and treat them like my own DD's. If I got an attitude from a professional office I think I would change providers! I have been the dr and pharmacy more in the last two months than in the last few years :arrow: I certainly don't need attitude from someone who is getting paid to work with the kids!
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I think that the entire foster situation is bad--bad that the kids were abused/neglected and had to be removed, bad that the kids suffered the additional trauma of being removed from the familiar (if bad) situation, bad that the state is slow and services are often few and far between, and that the rules allow cases to languish forever (and really, to a young child, even "just" 12 months is a HUGE amount of time). Foster kids get a bad rap because they often don't know how to behave and/or deal with their feelings constructively, leading providers (drs, schools, etc...) to generally think negatively of them. So Foster Parents might be the most positive part, but still overall a negative experience and situation. You all know more than most that it is often thankless, dirty work, and very few are cut out for it. But you guys are probably the single biggest opportunity to actually help these kids, way more than any single social worker or therapist, and I guess that's what you have to take pride in, even if 99.9% of the public have no idea what you go through and put up with (I know I didn't before we got involved in the kinship situation). Kudos to all of you!
I see the stuff in the press all the time about the bad foster homes. In my life I do not see the negativity. The workers in the system thank us quite often for taking great care of the kids. Our Dr. have never ever treated us or our kids with anything but the best care! Dealing with the system in general is a very hard process but I am thankful there are people out there that do stand up and say thank you. I see it as part of my responsibility to educate people on foster parents. That we are not all dirty, creepy kid hoarders!
If these WONDERFUL bios would take care of their children properly and provide for them properly then the world wouldn't have to be so concerned about whether or not these babies are placed with such horrible foster parents! How many bios out there are completely 100% innocent and perfect? How many of them do you know have hurt their children? THE MAJORITY HAVE IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER--that is WHY they are in the State's care. How dare anyone compare the few bad apples in the fostering system to all the millions who actually do this with their HEARTS! BC let's face it- NO ONE can possible be in it for the money! It get's me worked up when people reference negative things about fostering. I think it is a super wonderful thing that you foster parents are doing for these children! In my opinoin, there isn't much difference with fostering and kinship. Either way, a good person provides the necessary love and support these children need to flurish. **ROCK ON FOSTER PARENTS! ROCK ON **
Loving4ward
And I hate telling the doctor's office that I am his foster mom...because suddenly I lose credibility...and in Firecracker's case I suddenly got phone calls made to CS because THE DOCTOR prescribed meds that made him lose weight but maybe I was starving him....but I am just a foster parent and after all we are all just in it for the money and don't love these kids.
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I think the earlier suggestion of a letter to the editor giving another perspective is a great idea. What bothers me is that straight foster care is treated as a fate worse than death but kinship is unicorns and flowers. In my work in the system, I've seen both--some foster parents that I wouldn't let watch my dog and some kinship homes that were worse than the situation removed from so both places have their bad apples. From the foster prespective, being treated like my home is second only to hell, without any personal knowledge of me, is fairly disheartening. I've never been asked how much I make on it. The doctors treat me like a first time mom and answer my silly questions. School was heavily involved in Kiddo's removal and treated me much better than they treated his actual mom. She requested a school transfer after return and I can't blame her--they'd never give her a fair shake even after she busted her tail to get him home.
I agree that a letter to the editor is warranted. The face of FP has changed but the world still believes a certain stereotype. Today's FP come from many different cultural as well as soci-economic backgrounds. My FFA comprises of white as well as multi-ethinic, AA and Latino families, singles, gays and lesbians, young couples as well as older couples. I truly wish that CNN would do an expose on today's FP because most ppl would be shocked how different it is. Even our Bios were shocked when they met us. We are an AA couple w/ no bio children. We live in the same city and aren't doing it for the money. BioMom thanked me for giving her children excellent care because they look healthy, are always well groomed and are happy. See she is a product of FC so she assumed we were like the homes she grew up in. Having met me, our BioMom can sleep a little easier @ night because she knows her children are truly loved where there @. BioDad is another story because we're the baby stealers preventing an elderly relative from raising his children. Hell, you just can't win.