Explaining love to a child with RAD

Actions speak louder than words. Keep doing what your doing as she seems to be noticing it since she is questioning. I have no real advice tho.

I would tell her that love cannot be explained, and that love for a child cannot be destroyed. Love is one of the few real magics in our world, and the reasons why it exists will always be a mystery. Or you could look up the scientific explanation of motherly love for a child. But that isn't as fun. :)

Have you tried explaining it in terms of decisions and choices, rather than in emotional terms? That you have made the decision to stick by her, have chosen to commit to her, that you are not willing to accept giving up etc.?I mean obviously you feel love for her, but if she just doesn't get those feelings at the current time, she may still be able to understand that you have made the choice to be a permanent part of her life and you're too stubborn to back out of it.You may also be able to stealth the concept in a little by pointing out her positive qualities using the specific word "love." For example, "I love it that you were brave enough to try riding that horse!" or "I love that you shared your cookies!" (Doesn't have to be those specific things, just whatever she actually does that you can praise.) If she's making the association between the word "love" and her positive qualities, she may eventually start to see glimmers of herself as a lovable person.You may already have tried all this, but just a thought. :)

Wow, 16?!?!?!?Time FLIES!I guess I would explain it as a sort of investment. That To work on something creates feelings of caring for that person/thing. And those caring feelings release positive chemicals in your brain that make you feel good.Has she ever put effort into anything and been pleased with the results? Trapping others outside her wall, means she has also walled herself away from the world. Perhaps it needs to be described in terms of trust. What does she trust you to do/not do that involves her. The long term knowing and trusting and building of communication and a relationship creates feelings of safety and pleasure in that relationship. Knowing that your needs will be met and someone is looking out for you.

Neither one of my kids are diagnosed with RAD (they are now 19 and 20 - adopted six years ago) but they both have attachment issues. My son moved out right after graduation three months ago and since then we have seen some pretty severe mental problems that he has.The only thing I can say is what a previous poster said - actions speak louder than words. I think this is what is working with my 19 year old dd. She sees that I'm there through the good times and bad.

I want to add, that I agree....actions matter. But my daughter would never recognize my actions, if I didn't point them out to her.

I imagine she would be confused. I'd tell her you don't like some of the choices she's made but that she is NOT her choices. Remind her that you wanted her from the first day you laid eyes on her and that who she is and what she does are two very different things. Tell her you can love her because she is a person worth loving and that she is your daughter and the fact that she is so valuable to you does not change with her behavior. Her behavior may mean she cannot live at home. Her behavior may land her in hospitals and jails. Her behavior may push people away, but it cannot erase the fact that she is your daughter, who you wanted and that love doesn't go away once someone has latched onto your heart. Will she understand? Probably not. Sadly, her brokeness keeps her from being able to feel you love her. Sad.

I don't know how to explain a lot of life to my kids with their various special needs. (!!!)As to explaining love, I let them know that I decided to love them, and that when the goin' gets tough(er) I remind myself of my decision and commitment. Love sometimes defies logic and understanding.

That is very interesting. My dd said the same thing. She is 17. I can understand how she feels this way given her natural parents could not provide what she needed, and strange white people from thousands of miles away can and want to. It is sort of mind boggling to think about especially when they have done nothing to "deserve" it. I cannot explain it myself. The only explanation I know of is thru scripture verse. I bought her a bracelet with the verse inscribed so she could be reminded, not that she wears it. :)

I forgot something I told my daughter once.I explained Love as the ability to see the good in someone as outweighing any negative stuff. And when someones heart has been damaged and hurt badly, it makes seeing the good stuff very difficult.