Hi everyone,
I'm 45, single, have a 10 mth old son via IVF and donor sperm.
I'm contemplating a second child but through adoption because of my age. I was hoping for frosties but that never happened and its too late to try again at 45. I was extremely lucky IVF worked the first time and I had very healthy eggs.
But I don't have time to waste so when I was thinking about IVF, I also looked into foster/adopt. I decided that would be too hard, put it on hold, had my son, and now am considering straight adoption. I met with a adoption worker at a local social service agency already and have a packet to complete.
It sat on my desk for about a week before I looked it over. I felt too overwhelmed and sometimes still do, wondering if I have the stamina to pursue it, and more importantly to handle 2 children.
I don't have a lot of support, family lives 1.5 hrs away and I see them about once every other month. I'm trying to find daycare right now for my son and haven't had much luck trying to find babysitters. I moved to a large city 3 yrs ago for work and have a small group of friends. I just joined a mom/baby group to meet other moms and am hoping to make some lasting friendships. I'm on mat leave and return to work in a couple of months. I have a good job/career and do ok on my single salary, but don't own my own home, which I would like. I would also like to utlimately leave the big city to live in the country. I know that might be put on hold if I were to try to adopt because of expenses and also logistically.
Lacking support and energy are the biggest deterrents for me. My parents are both deceased. I want my son to have a sibling and I always thought I would adopt. I keep thinking of long term. I know it'll be very hard when they are young, but I want them to having each other as they grow up and then when I'm gone. I can't predict how life will unfold, you never know how things are going to go, but I hope they end up close and have each other through their whole lives.
I was an only child to my father and am the youngest of a big family of siblings from my mom. I had both worlds. I hated being my fathers only child and I loved my big family and have been around kids my whole life.
Sorry for this loooong intro. I don't have specific questions, but just wanted to introduce myself and see if anyone has anything to advise me on re: adoption after having a bio child.
My story is a little different: I am 42, married, have one bio child but unable to get pregnant again even with IVF. My child is 8 1/2 and we are pursuing adoption.
If you really feel compelled to do this then do it. The way I see it is given my age, giving my son a sibling will give him someone with whom to share caring for my husband and me. I understand feeling tired. Having children has a way of connecting you with other people- especially once they start school. It might also help to seek out other "older" moms. I guarantee you will find them.
Is moving closer to your family an option?
Our situation is a little different too (aren't they all?)
I am 43 and have a 5yr old through IVF with my DH. DH works out of the province 3-6 weeks at a time and is home for less than one week. It is like functioning as a single mom. I work full time and DramaMama has been in daycare since she was 11 months old. It hasn't slowed her down any - that is for sure!
Although my parents and sister live about an hour away, sister has mental health issues and mom is dealing with early dementia - so help is sporadic and unpredictable. My dad has his hands full, but is a great listener.
We are adopting internationally and our daughter is now 3.5 although she is not here signature says most of it.
My biggest challenges which I have had to handle...
1. the baby group I started has not really continued as a group, but I have one great friend out of it - and she is now my emergency contact and pick up from daycare if DramaMama is sick etc. ***this was an important one
2. I am not afraid to talk to anyone and everyone about my situation and it is amazing who you can meet. My chiropractor is now my second back up and a good friend. (also 43 with a 5 yr old!!)
3. I make a big effort to talk to other moms at events etc. and am always the first to put together coffee events etc.
4. I have now hired a cleaner twice a month and it seems to be saving my sanity
5. I would also love to live in the country, but realistically we will probably remain in the burbs - but it means that we are closer for swimming lessons, art lessons, friends etc. I make a committment to get into the country every weekend with DramaMama for a few hours and camping at least once a year (DH thinks I am crazy but it is important to me)
good luck. I believe you can do anything you set your mind too. PM me if you want to chat
Our situation is different than the others. We got pregnant with my daughter when I was 20, now 6 years later we haven't gotten pregnant with her sibling, have tried treatments but still nothing. Instead of sinking more money into treatments we are going to adopt.