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Hi everyone, I'm 45, single, have a 10 mth old son via IVF and donor sperm. I'm contemplating a second child but through adoption because of my age. I was hoping for frosties but that never happened and its too late to try again at 45. I was extremely lucky IVF worked the first time and I had very healthy eggs. But I don't have time to waste so when I was thinking about IVF, I also looked into foster/adopt. I decided that would be too hard, put it on hold, had my son, and now am considering straight adoption. I met with a adoption worker at a local social service agency already and have a packet to complete. It sat on my desk for about a week before I looked it over. I felt too overwhelmed and sometimes still do, wondering if I have the stamina to pursue it, and more importantly to handle 2 children. I don't have a lot of support, family lives 1.5 hrs away and I see them about once every other month. I'm trying to find daycare right now for my son and haven't had much luck trying to find babysitters. I moved to a large city 3 yrs ago for work and have a small group of friends. I just joined a mom/baby group to meet other moms and am hoping to make some lasting friendships. I'm on mat leave and return to work in a couple of months. I have a good job/career and do ok on my single salary, but don't own my own home, which I would like. I would also like to utlimately leave the big city to live in the country. I know that might be put on hold if I were to try to adopt because of expenses and also logistically. Lacking support and energy are the biggest deterrents for me. My parents are both deceased. I want my son to have a sibling and I always thought I would adopt. I keep thinking of long term. I know it'll be very hard when they are young, but I want them to having each other as they grow up and then when I'm gone. I can't predict how life will unfold, you never know how things are going to go, but I hope they end up close and have each other through their whole lives. I was an only child to my father and am the youngest of a big family of siblings from my mom. I had both worlds. I hated being my fathers only child and I loved my big family and have been around kids my whole life. Sorry for this loooong intro. I don't have specific questions, but just wanted to introduce myself and see if anyone has anything to advise me on re: adoption after having a bio child. Thanks!
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My story is a little different: I am 42, married, have one bio child but unable to get pregnant again even with IVF. My child is 8 1/2 and we are pursuing adoption. If you really feel compelled to do this then do it. The way I see it is given my age, giving my son a sibling will give him someone with whom to share caring for my husband and me. I understand feeling tired. Having children has a way of connecting you with other people- especially once they start school. It might also help to seek out other "older" moms. I guarantee you will find them. Is moving closer to your family an option?
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Our situation is a little different too (aren't they all?)I am 43 and have a 5yr old through IVF with my DH. DH works out of the province 3-6 weeks at a time and is home for less than one week. It is like functioning as a single mom. I work full time and DramaMama has been in daycare since she was 11 months old. It hasn't slowed her down any - that is for sure!Although my parents and sister live about an hour away, sister has mental health issues and mom is dealing with early dementia - so help is sporadic and unpredictable. My dad has his hands full, but is a great listener.We are adopting internationally and our daughter is now 3.5 although she is not here yet...my signature says most of it.My biggest challenges which I have had to handle...1. the baby group I started has not really continued as a group, but I have one great friend out of it - and she is now my emergency contact and pick up from daycare if DramaMama is sick etc. ***this was an important one2. I am not afraid to talk to anyone and everyone about my situation and it is amazing who you can meet. My chiropractor is now my second back up and a good friend. (also 43 with a 5 yr old!!)3. I make a big effort to talk to other moms at events etc. and am always the first to put together coffee events etc.4. I have now hired a cleaner twice a month and it seems to be saving my sanity5. I would also love to live in the country, but realistically we will probably remain in the burbs - but it means that we are closer for swimming lessons, art lessons, friends etc. I make a committment to get into the country every weekend with DramaMama for a few hours and camping at least once a year (DH thinks I am crazy but it is important to me)good luck. I believe you can do anything you set your mind too. PM me if you want to chat