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Hello. I've posted on another board here regarding a quick adoption that is coming up in Dec. if all goes as planned. I'm a single woman. This situation is odd and I want to have a general idea of how to explain it at an appropriate level when the child starts asking questions (obviously, lots of time before that happens as the baby isn't even born yet). The bio-mom has 5 kids and got pregnant on rebound from a relationship. Broke up with the rebound and doesn't want to keep / can't afford the child. All she wants are occasional email / photo updates. She lives in the next town over with her kids. The bio-dad has no kids, no family in the area, no money, and is depressed about the whole thing (he is also chronically depressive). He'd like to keep the child but doesn't want to pay child support and can't support the child himself. He is a long-time friend of mine. He is moving out of state, but wants to see the child occasionally. I guess I want to know how to explain the bio-dad's occasional presence, while the mom, who lives close by is not involved. And she has bio half-siblings for the child who are at least 8 years older. There is a possibility these children will track down the child before the child is emotionally ready to deal with this. I know it's not something one can plan for sure, but I sure would like a tactful way to explain all of this... Thank you.
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Hi. I'm a single mom, too. The first part of your situation (as far as birth mother and siblings go) is very similar to mine. Sweetpea's birth mother is parenting 4 older children, became pregnant on the rebound from a relationship and relinquished Sweetpea. She wants only occasional pictures and updates but no visits.I've seen these threads before and still don't really have a clue what to say when she gets older and asks the hard questions. She's only 18 months old now so I guess I have time. I think all we can say at first is "They couldn't take care of you but wanted you to have the love and care you need so they chose another mom who could love and take care of you". In my case, I don't know what reason D has for not wanting visits (I can guess but it would all be speculation and assumption on my part). The best answer to the really hard questions may be "I'm sorry I don't know." I do hope someday Sweetpea will be able to get answers from D in person.As far as the siblings, I wonder about that, too. I have no idea what they were told or what they know. If they don't track down Sweetpea, I feel pretty sure she'll want to meet them some day. I'll let her know of their existence and I can show her pictures. The hard questions (the "why's") I simply can't answer because I truthfully don't know.
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Leeah
Hi. I'm a single mom, too. The first part of your situation (as far as birth mother and siblings go) is very similar to mine. Sweetpea's birth mother is parenting 4 older children, became pregnant on the rebound from a relationship and relinquished Sweetpea. She wants only occasional pictures and updates but no visits. I've seen these threads before and still don't really have a clue what to say when she gets older and asks the hard questions.