How to go about adopting if you don't want to use an agency

October 16, 2013

We have been trying to adopt for years. Initially through Vietnam but during the process The Hague convention shut down all U.S. -Vietnam adoptions. We then went with an agency. The mother ended up changing her mind. That was 30k out the door. You have to pretty much start all over.

So at this point I dislike the idea of an agency. I think it's glorified trafficking that the agency is profiting off of. My question is, does anyone have ideas as to get your name out there to connect with a BM on a personal level? I've approached the high school counselors, colleges, women's shelter ect. Any other thoughts?

dmariehill

October 17, 2013

You shouldn't have lost all 30k if the mom changed her mind. You should have only lost any expenses paid and legal fees paid and the administration/application fee but that should have been much less than 30K. We lost 12k on our failed match. I'm sure you checked your contract, but I'd be double checking to make sure. There should be at least a partial refund or a credit towards a second adoption. We left our funds with the same agency and they matched us again fairly quickly.

That said - advertising laws vary from state to state. So if you are in a state that allows, you can post your profile online, share on fb that you're looking to adopt. I know there's a well known ob/gyn clinic in another town that often helps moms who want to place find families, so leaving your profile in that situation can be helpful too. There are sites that will share your profile or you can create a blog for free and share it there.

Just keep in mind that when you go about it this way you need to do your due diligence before any money changes hands. It's much easier to get scammed this way and the moms are still just as likely to change their minds. The industry average is 1 in 5.