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I know this forum doesn't get as much traffic as others, so hopefully I'll get some responses.
For those of you with teens, I'm wondering what you do when your child attracts HORRIBLE friends or girlfriends/boyfriends?
My DS is 19, and holds down a job and continues with career education. He is (what I like to call) "young for his age", meaning that he has quite a bit of growing up to do before he can be on his own.
I'm happy with this, as I know he is doing his best. My problem is the friends/girlfriends he chooses. He will "meet" someone either in person or online, and then consider her his girlfriend. Then she will "break up" with him for someone he considers his friend. This causes him constant heartache and turmoil.
My problem is twofold. First, with the person he is considering his girlfriend. What kind of girl jumps from a guy to his friend?
More importantly, with the guy he continues to consider as his friend.
This isn't a one-time fluke, it's an ongoing pattern. I am very honest with him about my opinions about these people, but it falls on deaf ears. At this point, I tell him that he's an adult who can form his own relationships, but I am very honest about who I think is "bad news" (and I won't facilitate bad relationships...i.e. drive him to their house or have them in my home).
Advice? Am I the only one with a kid who does this?
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It sounds like he doesn't have very good self esteem. If he did he would know his value and that it's not okay for others to treat you like a doormat. Maybe the first thing to do is to help him improve his self esteem and self confidence. People who have good self esteem also tend to come across more self assured and don't attract users.
Some counseling may be in order as well as finding something he enjoys doing that he's also good at that he can improve in to make him feel better about himself. Martial Arts maybe? Music? Maybe a good counselor could come up with suggestions for how to help him. If he doesn't learn how to stand up for himself vultures will always take advantage of him.
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I have somewhat of the same situation with one of my sons. He seems to be attracted or attracts the kind of girls that in all honesty are pretty much trouble from the get go.
I have sat him down and talked to him numerous times about their behavior and said " think about it, is that really the type of girl you want to associate yourself with? If she acts like that now, what do you think she will act like in the future? Do you think her behavior will get any better? Is that the type of girl you would want to be attached to the rest of your life? Because If you decided to have sex with her and she got pregnant you would be dealing with that behavior for at least the next 18 years"
I too think that self esteem has a lot to do with it. But in my son's case he is open enough to talk to me about stuff and tell me if he's having issues with a girl he likes.
Had same issue with my 17 year old. Was going out with someone who had a bad track record but than again. He was very judgemental and I knew she would fall very quickly when she screwed up. So I let it go and waited to mend his broken heart when it broke. And prayed they didn't make any big mistakes like having a kid....