So Infuriated

Let me make you even more mad regarding this case...the girlfriend of the owner of the trailer where the kids were all found in horrible conditions was, wait for it...employed with DSS. It happened in a county in SC. A foster mom friend of mine called me in tears when she saw the news. unreal.

It really makes you wonder...wth??! if you don't like kids, don't be around them.

STATING UP FRONT that I believe these people were WRONG, disgusting, abusive, and WRONG. But I had a whole 'nother line of thought when I read the story when originally posted. I'm taking a chance and a half posting this because I think people need to understand how incredibly hard this can be. This is NOT the children's fault. These people CHOSE to go this direction instead of getting help. But I think there is probably more going on here too. What if these people really *did* like kids. They were so thankful for the opportunity to raise a set of kids (I'm not sure the make up of their family). They just wanted to help. They wanted a few kids to raise. They enjoyed children with their jobs. They enjoyed family member kids. Everyone thought they'd make great parents. And then they got some traumatized children. At first, they were very empathetic. They met the children's needs and adored them. THey felt sorry for what they had been through. They wanted to help them. They gave and gave and gave and gave. They said, "no matter what, we're committing to these kids." But in time, the issues of a sibling group of school-aged children wore on them. They found themselves angry all the time. They were angry at the people who caused the children to behave the way they did. They were angry at the children for behaviors. After years, the kids still hoarded food. After years, they still defecated every time they got angry. They smeared poop. They killed animals on the property. They fought constantly. Weekly, there was a major "accident" caused by one kid or another, often the intent was to hurt the other child and kid didn't get it could have been deadly. One kid had to be separated so as not to molest his siblings.The kids would mommy hunt CONSTANTLY. They were charming and cute in public, oh so well behaved. They told horrible lies though, carefully putting them out there in ways people couldn't help but wonder. The spun EVERYTHING. Yes, they smelled poop when they smeared it on the walls. Yes, they were expected to help dad clean it up. No, they weren't made to stand there smelling it as punishment! Though given 4-5 meals daily, often getting to choose between options, they would tell people they weren't being fed. It was a little believable since they sure were skinny. In time, it wore on the parents. They had to be hyper vigilant. They weren't getting enough sleep. They were scared of their own kids and for their kids. The cousin came into care and the were worried but just couldn't say no to him. But oh boy. This kid was JUST like their kids in terms of behaviors and triggered their kids even more! The parents are just plain exhausted. The house has fallen into disrepair. They simply cannot keep up with smell of feces when one kid is pooping himself four times a day most days (and how is that even possible?) while two others are also doign it at least daily. And the pee (have you seen: [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYcMgFrHUT8[/url] ). You'd think with so many preteen kids, the house would be spotless from everyone doing chores. Ha! Nothing seems to work. How many time outs can you give these kids? They know better! They just stare at you blankly when you fuss at them or ask them about what they did. They wouldn't do any more work in therapy they had for years. You tried school. You tried homeschooling. You tried sports. You tried taking everythign except their beds. You rock them. You try regression. You try occupational therapy. You try treating them like nothing is wrong. You try acceptance. You take them to a new church. After adoption, you try spanking, heavy work, etc. So the kid kills ANOTHER chicken. Seriously? Another one? Fine. You wanna kill it, you're gonna wear it. (btw, that hurt my hands just to type! I find this all deplorable, disgusting, abusive, etc just like everyone else). You're gonna scream? Then go outside. Outside voices go outside. When you are quiet for 11 minutes (you are 11 years old), you can come in. (Really, if the kid is uncomfy for a few minutes, maybe he'll stop acting like this. It isn't so cold he's going to be hurt out there. He was out playing marbles with is brothers for 45 minutes yesterday at this time).Okay, I just can't figure the handcuff thing...It just got out of control. they were overwhelmed. They were tired. They simply cannot reach these kids. SOmehow, something has to give! PLEASE know that I really do believe these people were VERY wrong. I think they should have gone for help. I think they should have gone for therapy for themselves. I think they should have kept taking the kids for help. I think they should have called a crisis counselor. I think they should have jumped online and poured their hearts out. I think they should have seen medical doctors, taken the kids to medical doctors. I think they should have medicated themselves or the children more even! ANYTHING would be better than abusing the children. WALK AWAY! Try meditation. Again! Go to the bathroom. Cry as you scrub. Make a game of it. Laugh. When you get angry SIT DOWN and sing a silly tune. Take another parenting class. Get a phone coach. Get someone to help your dog learn to be a therapy dog!

It is *extremely* hard parenting kids with attachment disorders, mental illness, drug effected, from extreme neglect, etc. VERY few people "get it." I've been told I brought it upon myself. I've been told "oh, yeah, my son did that too." But the extreme behaviors, the anger towards abusers or the system, the lack of real support, etc is just NOT an excuse for CHILD ABUSE!

And for all the people judging? Get in there and do it? Obviously on this board, people ARE. But all the comments on the articles? How many of THEM are mentoring these young people or supporting foster-adopt families? How many of them are fostering and adopting severely hurt children? Most people tell me they *couldn't* do it. Even some who HAVE have said they couldn't do what we do! Even on these boards, people say, "I couldn't live like that."

Again, NO excuse for what these people have done. I want that CLEAR. I just think we need to be VERY mindful of the issues that play a part in situations like this also. There is a reason that people who desperately want children, who want to help, etc end up abusing and it isn't just that they are evil. Really.

Just in case anyone wonders. Yes, I live part of the above. I have chosen to medicate the one child for both of our sanity. I have chosen to use Bible study, meditation, action-based therapy, etc. My hubby and I talk several times per week. My daughter is a huge support. My congregation is BEYOND awesome. I am busy doing things for myself. I make a point of trying to get more sleep, more relaxation, more "smelling the roses." I keep reading regarding empathetic types of parenting. I count blessings. I hired a housekeeper for twice a month and a person to scoop dog poop too. I....well, you get the point. I have made SURE that I'm not going to be these people.

But that doesn't mean I can't see how it could happen. I think we'd be wise to consider it carefully and keep an open dialogue about how to prevent it rather than just call them evil.