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Hey all, I just registered but I've been checking out the forum here for a couple of weeks. After months of thinking, I have started the process of becoming a foster parent - though I won't be able to start the classes until February :eyebrows: .
It seems like a lot (most?) of foster parents have the primary goal being foster to adopt. While I am *open* to adoption, if it feels right, my primary focus is to help children who need a safe and loving place to be temporarily, whether that means days or years. If it turns out that a child becomes legally free for adoption while in my care, and I feel like it's a good fit for the child and our family, I wouldn't hesitate, it's just not the reason I'm starting this.
Are there others out there who don't intend to adopt?
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I think *I* see:***Most hope to adopt eventually***Most look to help children and families ***Most start hoping a lot more once they have specific children in their home where RU seems a bad idea.*WE* hope every parent can get their act together and parent their own children as that is what would be absolutely best for the kids. That comes first. It is the most wonderful thing in the world (though heartwrenching too!) to hand children back over to their parents when their parents have worked to get them back! BEAUTIFUL! And Except for Monkey, it has been fine to hand them over to kin or fictive kin also. But we do get our hopes up to adopt when we have great kids who can't RU with parents or family in a good way. It is easy to say, "if the kids fit our family." In reality, very few kids wouldn't fit a family, IMO. Just like had you given birth to them, you simply make it work. Anyway, so we expected to adopt eventually (ended up being 2nd set of kids) and expect to adopt again eventually; but our goal was to help children in the meantime and it has been very rewarding!
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servnjah
I think *I* see:
***Most hope to adopt eventually
***Most look to help children and families
***Most start hoping a lot more once they have specific children in their home where RU seems a bad idea.
I started fostering as a kinship provider. I really, really wanted the parents to get it together and they did. :happydance:
Since my eyes were opened to the huge lack of good homes in our area I kept going as a foster parent, not foster to adopt. I assumed naively that all the families would make it. They didn't. I ended up having to pass up on adoption of a child I really wanted to adopt and adopting another kinship placement. While I love the kids with all my heart, it was heartbreaking to see their mother who I loved not make it.
My only regret is not being able to foster any more precious children. Foster parents are in short supply here. Many children have to be shipped out of county for care.
There are definitely people out there that want to focus on fostering, rather than adopting. My daughter's last foster mother was foster only &, by all accounts, has been a great mentor to parents. So, when there was a parent that her country really believed could get it together & the arrangement would be short term, they would place with her. When it became clear that my daughter's mother wasn't going to make it, though, they started looking for a home that would adopt her once tpr happened. There were a few homes in my last certification class that were straight foster. Most were kinship...and most of them were hoping for the parents to get it together, so wouldn't even let themselves consider if it would ever get to the point of adoption.
I know tons of families (including ours) who didn't set out to adopt.
Hubby and I figured we'd foster for 3ish years, then have some bio kids, then possibly look into international adoption, but there was NO way we were interested in adopting from foster care.
It's hard to know what you're going to feel like when an infant you've had for almost a year has his/her goal changed to adoption. We didn't intend to adopt, but we adopted twice, and are in the process of a 3rd.
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We're the same, my husband and I want to have children someday, but we're not in a huge hurry to adopt. We're open to the idea, but we'd rather just do foster care so we can help lots of children. If we adopted, we'd have to stop fostering. However, I looked at the statistics in my state, and adoption vs RU/kinship seems to be split 50/50. And at orientation, we mentioned we'd rather stick with just foster-care, but we were strongly encouraged to consider adoption too. What's that meant? Are they desperate for adoptive families? AFAIK, we can only foster infants in our apartment, (as much as we'd love to take older kids). I doubt they are desperate for families who want to adopt babies! So I'm not sure... We'd have to move to another apartment if we decided to adopt. My landlady said she could let us know if any good apartments become available, but we really like this one.If we were asked to adopt, we probably would. But we were talking about it, and we want to be licensed for foster-only, to resist temptation! :woohoo:We aren't going to have any bio children either (the temptation is there, but we decided long ago).Did you get licensed for adoption at first? Or just foster care?
It's hard to know what you're going to feel like when an infant you've had for almost a year has his/her goal changed to adoption. We didn't intend to adopt, but we adopted twice, and are in the process of a 3rd.
We know several families that are fostering only with no intention to adopt and have been great mentors to bio parents. Some agencies want to place children with foster to adopt families in the event the parents are not able to get it together. That eliminates another possible move for the child.
We started out hoping to adopt and did. We later came back to foster only, but recently adopted again. Each case is different and the goals can change often. It is hard to know what the outcome will be with many cases.
Good luck with your classes and your foster adventure!
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That was my thought at the beginning. I agree with pp that most people going into this taking kids who are not already tpr have the same goals in mind as far as helping the kids. Once you have kids that you get attached to and they are attached to you after having them for years and seeing what they have to go through and how much trauma another move would do to them you may change your mind. We have one spot now that is foster only. If you take long term placements you are increasing the chance for adoption, but if you did not want the child if they become legally free then there are many homes who only want to adopt kids once they are legally free and you would be making someone really happy. If you stick with short term/emergency then you will not run into kids for adoption. Good Luck on your new journey. I would like a bigger place to take more foster only placements.
I am looking into fostering, with only the plan to do respite or emergency fostering and have no intentions to adopt.
I am a single person in my twenties and it just isn't what I would want for my life, long term. Having a child for a few days or a few weeks is vastly different from taking on a kid for life. Perhaps someday my circumstances will change and I can be fully open to adoption. At this time, it isn't an option I can comfortably make and I think my family and friends would agree.
I think its important to know what you want and why. Just because you don't plan to adopt doesn't make you any less important.
Where I'm from we are automatically dual licensed. One common thing that we heard from foster parents that have done this for awhile is "we never intended to adopt." But as it turned out every one of them adopted not just one but sometimes 5 or 6 or more. We are hoping to adopt. But we want to continue fostering even after we have adopted.
we had absolutely no intentions to adopt. We started fostering to help children in need, to provide a safe home, until it's safe to go home, or to be adopted, but not by us.
of course our story changed, and once we decided that we would love to adopt a baby, God let the most precious little newborn boy, and 4 month later a newborn baby girl into our lives, to be ours forever.
one can plan, and have it all figured out, but then things happen, feelings change, desires change, and BAM, you're a new mom, lol
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Where I am from you are also dual licensed- because a pretty large amount of kids in my area go to adoption when birth parents or kin can't parent.
To reduce the amount of times a child has to move- they do what is called concurrent planning. The first goal is to RU- adoption is the back up plan and they like to place kids in homes that will adopt if the case goes to TPR.
That said- in my area you can specify if you want to adopt or foster only- if you foster only in my area you are going to care for a lot more older kids, as they like to place infants and young kids in concurrent homes.
I think a lot of FP's who start out only to foster DO end up adopting because they love the kids like their own and decide to be the resource if they go to adoption. A lot of FP's also don't realize (we didn't at the start) that MANY kids continue to qualify for a subsidy and medical benefits after adopted, so it can make it easier financially for those who want to adopt special needs kids.
Good luck to you- both loving foster parents AND adoptive parents are needed everywhere!
We're exactly the same. We plan to just foster but recognize that a scenario could arise in which we fell in love with an adoptable child. We're open to that but our goal is really just to foster. The foster home recruiter I told that to was so excited. She said almost all the other foster parents in our county won't take kids whose goal is reunification.