Adopting a teen with little bios at home

When a child makes it onto an online photolisting it is because they are not able to place that child elsewhere, meaning some kind of significant special need. If she has been on the photolisting for 4 years, I would say there is probably a reason for that. I would be really nervous adopting a teen anyway with littles at home (especially a 2-year-old). If it were me I would probably not inquire, but I am also not looking to adopt a teenager. If you do inquire, I would say be very cautious to get all the information about why other avenues for finding her a family have failed as well as getting more information about behaviors, etc.

I adopted my DS after he had been legally free and on photolistings for years, so I know that some really awesome kids can linger for a long time without finding a home. I also know that my DS and many of the other teens in care that I know would be great with littles. But like PP said, there's likely some special needs that you need to determine if you can handle. In particular, find out about any disrupted placements. It's pretty likely that she has had at least one adoptive placement that did not work out. Why? And why is the current foster home not planning to adopt, or if she is in a residential setting, why is she not in a foster home? One thing I have noticed with the write ups is that "does well academically" and "wants to go to college" are phrases that are (IMO) widely misused. Doing well academically is relative. It may mean that the kid works really hard to barely pass special ed classes. College bound may mean that the kid says he/she wants to go to college, regardless of if that is a realistic goal. Many kids in care have the same needs as a much younger child, so she may need more structure and parenting than your bio kids would need at 17. If she is not college bound, are you able to parent her full time and help her become independent in a way that is appropriate to her needs/abilities? (Whether this be 4-year college, 2-year college, Trade school, or entering the work force directly.)It can't hurt to inquire and to try to find out more info. It's hard to tell much about a kid from the photo listings, but a conversation with her worker would give you more info to consider.ETA: AFA paying for education, most states have funds to pay for the education of older kids who spent time in foster care (she would still be eligible if adopted at 17). Alternatively, she would qualify for a federal grant that covers tuition at a variety of community colleges and trade schools.ETAx2: When finding out about prior disruptions, be very wary of statements like "it was not a good fit" or blaming/shaming the foster parents who disrupted. Those can be indications that the SW is hiding something.

That is really neat you are considering this. We are going through this right now! We are in the process of our home study for a girl who will likely be 16 shortly after arriving at our home, if all goes as we'd like it. She is also on a photo listing. I had a FD that was younger (11) on a photo listing and wow we would not have wanted to be her adoptive resource ever because of her behaviors. Soooooooo all you can do is research the child. We have gotten to talk with our teen's school counselor, her current foster parents ( who she has been with for a year, stable) and her therapist (who she has been seeing for a year). We were able to discuss diagnosis (we are not willing to take and RAD or severe attachment problems) and behaviors and ask questions as much as we wanted. We were very happy with the answers. Keep in mind that the child will live in your home for at least 6 months before adoption would take place. Longer it depends.......we also have two young bio's at home, but I have raised 3 bios into successful college and adulthood, so I'm as prepared as I can be. Still I know there will be surpises and very stressful, difficult times if this goes through. Being an older teen she will have a say in being adopted. I like that. We also would like to support her through college, which is free for any kids that have been in foster care here. It is a risk with older teens, but we really want to try and help. Having the two yonger FD's we have had we even upped our age. I like that they can become independent adults and hope we can be good roll models. This girl loves church and bible studies and we have an amazing youth group at our church, as well as a huge support with the many fostering and adoptive families. It seems she could be a good fit in our home and we are going forward. Of course we have to be chosen. We hope we will and hope we get to meet her next month :woohoo: Good luck to you! If you want to PM me feel free. I'm not sure where you are and the process and guidelines might be different where you are.

I haven't adopted (yet) but its something I have considered. Since my husband is older, we first considered adopting a legally free older child rather than a newborn, but then looking at all the challenges decided against it. But we are fostering and would consider adoption if the possibility presents itself. There are good kids out there that age out of the foster care system. Recently a young man from Florida graduated from the US Military Academy after aging out of the foster care system and being in 12 different foster homes. [url=http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2423254/Astonishing-success-West-Point-grad-grew-12-foster-homes-went-different-high-schools.html]Astonishing success of West Point grad who grew up in 12 foster homes and went to four different high schools | Mail Online[/url] Let me warn you that just because a teen is successful academically it doesn't mean they don't have problems. Our former 16 year old FD is a very intelligent young lady who takes college prep classes including Trigonometry. But she still was incredibly difficult to deal with and has since been moved to another foster home. I suggest finding out if the 17 year old has contact with her birthfamily and how much she wants to be adopted, since there is the problem with kids returning to their birthfamilies as soon as they turn 18. Our 16 year old FD is incredibly loyal to her biodad and was incredibly resistant to wanting to be part of our family, but she wanted us to buy her things and give her money. So be cautious.

Arran, your 16 year old and her younger siblings arrived at your house immediately after they were pulled from their home and she was with you for four months. That's quite a bit different from a 17-year-old who has been on the adoption listings for four years. Of course your 16-year-old was incredibly loyal to her biodad and was incredibly resistant to wanting to be part of your family!! She already had a family-- and she was often parent to her younger sibs -- but she was pulled from her parents and sent to live with strangers who threatened to separate her from her little sisters if she didn't act the way they wanted her to. (As per your past posts.) Gee, I can't imagine why she wouldn't feel all warm and fuzzy about your home. Also, you say she was "moved" from your home, but your sig says she was placed in a new foster home at her request. PonderMum, teens can be great. Should you be cautious? Gosh, yes. However, there are others on here who have great stories of taking in teens (through adoption, foster, guardianship, or something very informal) while also caring for littles in the house. For one thing, teens can be fantastic role models. They get a chance to be looked up to, which can boost their pride and self esteem, which can lead to improvements in other aspects of their life. Asking for more info on her doesn't risk anything. Ask. See what they say. Be cautious and don't ignore red flags, but know that she may be on the listings for four years not because she set fires or tried to stab her neighbor, but because no one wanted a 13-year-old... or a 14-year-old... or a 15-year-old... or a 16-year-old.

Proceed, but do it with caution. Photolisting descriptions will never discuss the real behaviors of a child that is up for adoption. She may be up for adoption because she was one of those unlucky kids that just no one wanted. :( She may, however, also have severe attachment or behavioral/emotional problems that would be downright dangerous for you to have around your younger kids - not to mention the attention you would have to devote to your adopted child's issues.Im so not against older child adoption. I love love love these kids, but please proceed with caution and keep your eyes and ears open and, if you have any doubts or any questions demand clarification.good luck :)

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful responses. It, of course, doesn't hurt to ask, which I think we will. I think we will go in with the attitude that we will ask every question and voice every concern. We only want this to happen if we'll be able to have a safe home for everyone. Thanks again.

I've never adopted so I know nothing about that but during my teen years I was in several foster homes with younger kids and did just fine. I always loved kids and liked playing with them and taking care of them. I was no saint but I was never a danger to anyone or exposed the kids to anything. I can't imagine that I'm an anomaly in an way. Basically, it can work out just fine with the right kid and right family. Every kid is an individual and just because they're in foster care doesn't mean they're little monsters. And I don't think the fact that she's been listed for four years means that there is something wrong with her. It's really hard to place teens. Had she been seven and had been posted for four years I would assume that she has severe problems but she's seventeen. I hope you at least look into it. This girl may turn out to be a perfect match and if that's the case you could mean the difference between her having a successful future or not. Give it a shot!

Any update on this? Although we don't have any littles, we're open to adopting an older child from foster care so I'm interested in if you are proceeding. Thanks,