In need of 'first visit' suggestions

I think you are a wonderful mother to support your daughter through this time! It's nice that the adoptive parents are willing to include your daughter in the child's life. Has your daughter had her first visit yet? It is possible that the adoptive mother has an idea of how the visit should go. Take lots of pictures so that the two of you can put together in a nice hardbound book each year. That will be nice to share with your daughter's child in the future if given the opportunity. It would also be nice for you and your daughter to have something fun planned afterwards, to look forward to and to divert possible upset feelings. Your daughter has experienced many emotions and will continue through different stages in her life. Again, it is wonderful that she has you to support her.

I am an adoptive mom and my DD birthmom was about the same age as your daughter so I can tell you our experience. She also has an amazingly supportive mom who has tried to help her navigate the emotions of being a first mom in an open adoption. Bgrandma comes to all our visits and honestly early on I had more conversations with her than bmom. I found this all out later but prior to our first visit bmom had a visit with a counselor she had been seeing. Our SW was very helpful in speaking with both of the families about what to expect and boundaries. Timeframe for visit? Babies schedule for nap? Who will feed and change baby? Pictures? Having all that worked out really helped both families make it a positive visit because honestly neither side had any idea how this was going to work. We also try not to schedule visits when bmom has things she needs to focus on and try to do them so she will have at least one day after to "process" before she has to face the world again. Have you considered an adoption support group in your area? The one I attend has birth families, adoptees and adoptive parents in it. I know for a teen it might be a bit intense but perhaps you might attend to hear some of the emotions and then be able to help her or perhaps voice some of the things she might be feeling.SO many young women don't have support in any choices they make so its great that she has you.

4.Him, thanks for your kind words. The adoptive family lives in an active city with many activities to choose from (we live in a county with three stop-lights, total!), so we will take your advice and find a fun activity for after our visit. Thanks so much for responding. We live in a small community and finding others who have experienced this life-changing event is difficult.

Beachy, thanks so much for responding! I was imagining our first visit and how quiet our daughter will surely be, so hearing your 'first visit' experience was comforting. We are in the process of planning the first visit, and making an appointment with her counselor is a great idea. Luckily, the adoptive family has an open adoption with their first child, so their experience will be helpful also. We will definitely take your suggestion and allow a day afterwards for processing the visit. I'm so grateful for this forum. We live in a very small community so our pool of people to speak with is limited. Thanks!