What Medium Should I Use to Contact my Birth Mother?

I think you are better off communicating via mail first. I am pretty good at finding things on the internet and I was able to locate my birth mother using a photograph and the first name of my birth mom and the first name of her daughter and son. I received the letter in the mail from the adoption agency. I was so excited, I got on the internet and tracked her down. I was so proud that I found her that I sent her a message on Facebook without really thinking first. This set her into panic. This was moving WAY faster than she had ever planned and I still believe, to this day, that my contact on FB screwed things up. Be patient. Only move as fast as the slower party wants to move. I'm also very impatient and I feel I had to pay because of this. She did not want to move nearly as fast and actually stated she never actually figured she would ever hear from me. I think contact via phone would be a terrible move as you are not giving the other party any time to absorb what is going on and they could shut you out forever. Good luck.

Hm.I think every person who answers will have a different answer. There is no one "right" (or for that matter, "wrong") answer.What's right is what works best for you. Then cross your fingers and hope it works out for the person on the receiving end!What worked for me was writing a letter. I feel a letter gives the recipient the time and space to react however they need to and then figure out how to respond. A letter is still personal - hand-written, your words, it's something you've touched and sent out into the world. I put a picture of myself with my son in with my first contact letter to my birth mother's sister, as my birth mother passed away before I could find her. I felt like the photo of the two of us together really made it more... real, for lack of a better word. It gave her a chance to SEE me, and my son, and made me a real person instead of a bit of ink on a page...A letter also gives *you* the chance to think about exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it. You don't have to worry about getting tongue-tied from nerves or awkwardness. There are no interruptions, no denials... you get to write down precisely what you need to say. Hopefully, it will be read in its entirety!A phone call has the benefit of immediacy, and of course it's a pretty amazing thing to actually hear the voice of the person you've been searching for. (And hopefully, she'd feel the same way hearing your voice.) But, because it IS immediate, a phone call can really be a tough thing to handle. You're emotional, in the moment, and I don't doubt your birth mother will be as well. With no time and space to deal with her emotions, she could possibly shut down and shut you out... That was my main concern when I opted for a letter.A Facebook message - I would definitely not do that. For a few reasons. For one thing, Facebook messages from non-friends often get filed away (by Facebook itself) in a folder that most people never check. Your message could sit there for months, or forever, unread. For another... well... I feel that while Facebook is good for casual communication in established acquaintances, and it's good for saying "hi" to former classmates you haven't thought about in years... it's not really the best place to start a serious, thoughtful, deep relationship. (I assume that's what you're hoping for here - to form a relationship with your birth mother?) It seems less personal, to me... As for what you say? You don't have to come right off the bat and tell her that you're in contact with your birth father. Of course, you don't have to hide it, especially if that makes you uncomfortable. But that strikes me as the sort of thing that can come up naturally over your (hopeful!) early conversations with your birth mother, and doesn't need to be among the very first things she hears from you at first contact. I often saw suggestions that a first letter not be TOO long, and that the tone be kept relatively light. Of course, this is a BIG DEAL to us adoptees who search, and I'm not suggesting that it should be made light of. Just that you should keep the tone fairly positive, keep things hopeful, and make sure it's a low-pressure sort of thing. Offer several ways to reach back out to you (give your phone #, address, email - whatever's comfortable for you), so once the ball is in her court, your birth mother can respond in the way she feels is best.Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck reaching out!