Very OT! Animal related vent!

Hmmm - I read this about 1/2 an hour ago and told myself to let it go and go to sleep but it's something that is sitting too close to home at the moment for me to sleep without getting my thoughts out there. Here's our situation. We have a female cat (P) who is 9 years old now. I brought her into my relationship when she was 1. My wife brought a stray, abused and malnourished male kitten (C) home about a year after we were together (now 7 years ago). For the entire first year he was with us he fit right in (the honeymoon stage)... he was loving, cuddled with us, cuddled with our female cat and we decided to keep him. 6 years ago, we had to move for my wife's new job. We packed all of our belongings in a moving van and a uhaul truck. My wife drove our car with both cats in their pet carriers in the back seat and I drove the uhual down here. When we arrived at the new home, she pulled the car into the garage and opened the pet carriers to allow the cats to come out on their own and sniff/explore. We closed the main garage door but opened the door from the garage into our home and left it open. We started bringing boxes inside and our female cat immediately hopped out and started purring and ran in the house to smell and purr and rub herself all over everything. Our male cat cowered into the back of the carrier and hissed at us when we tried to take him out. We picked the carrier up to try and bring him in the house and he jumped out and ran behind the hot water heater in the garage where we couldn't safely reach him. My wife said we should give him some time so we left the door open to the house from the garage and we put a litter box, food and water in the garage. The next day, he was still back there and when P went to play with C, C hissed at her and clawed at her. C didn't come out to eat, drink water or eat food for a week and eliminated behind the hot water heater a couple times. We called the vet who insisted that if we had animal control come out to trap him that he would be put down more than likely. We tried to trick C out from behind the hot water heater with yummy treats including his favorite, Tuna to no avail. Finally after a week of no ventilation and suffocating ourselves in our home from letting the hot FL weather seep from our garage into our home, we decided to close the door from the house to the garage and give him time to come out on his own. It was a mere couple hours after we did this that we could hear C playing in the garage with the rattle balls we'd left in there for him. We decided to wait an entire day before opening the door and when we did, it was only to let P go in there to play with him. We heard some loud meowing and some hissing so we opened the door and she came running back inside. We repeated this every day for a month including leaving the door open to our home for a couple hours a day to allow them cool air from the house and the opportunity to come inside. He would hide behind the heater every time the door was open and when the door would close, we'd hear him playing. Eventually, he adjusted to P being in the garage with him and when we would make her come inside, she would cry at the door wanting to be out there with her brother. So finally, we let her stay with him overnight. We hoped that their bonding would bring some normalcy back to him. But it didn't. We thought he was angry at us and that he would be okay around other non threatening humans - so we had friends come over and try to approach him without us in the room and he would lunge at them, try to scratch them and even bit one of them... always growling and hissing. We then turned to pet therapists who told us to capture him and force him into the house. We were able to do this after 2 weeks of trying and he hid behind the couch where he clawed at the couch, hissed and eliminated in hiding. We moved the couch from against the wall so he could not hide and he lunged out at us and ran to the garage door and began clawing at it. For fear that he would hurt one of us, we let him back outside in the garage where he seemed to be happy. P would cry all night if we didn't let her be with C so we caved. For months, P would come inside about 4 hours a day and we'd leave the door open hoping C would see how much fun P was having in the home with us and that eventually he'd get curious. But that day never came. Again, we turned to a pet psychologist who told us that with C's history, the best and most humane thing to do would be to have him euthanized humanely. Even with this recommendation, I couldn't bear the thought of making that decision - especially when C was capable of love with P and when we knew C would play because we could hear him doing so. And so, for 6 years we've allowed C to remain in the garage and P lets us know when she wants to come inside but even with the door open, she mostly chooses to remain in the garage with C. The only time she chooses to come in and be with us is when C is in a mood and doesn't want to play and P wants to be loved on. But she doesn't stay in for long before she wants to be back with him. C doesn't love us. C still acts like he wants to attack us even after all of this time. We got a puppy a year ago, (R) and R and P have become playmates when P comes in the house. Lately, when we open the garage door, R runs straight into the garage looking for P to play with while C hides inside a box or behind the hot water heater and hisses and growls. R and P were romping around a few weeks ago play fighting and they accidentally bumped the box that C was hiding in and C lunged out and attacked R's face *thankfully didn't hurt him*. Since then, we haven't let R back out there. For 6 years, we've been told that if we take C to the vet (if we manage to capture him in a cat trap) and that if he displays these aggressive tendencies and attacks a vet or assistant that they will have to report it and he most likely will be put down. So, he hasn't had vaccines for 6 years. P is always up to date on hers (she's an angel) and R is up to date on his as well. 3 weeks ago, I was told we're going to have to get rid of C in order to become foster or adoptive parents because he poses a threat to any human being who comes in contact with him and because he's not up to date on vaccines. For 3 weeks, I've called pet camps, pet farms, cat rescues and they all say they're overcrowded and full. I even offered a $1,000 donation to help them with funding issues if someone would take him but nobody wants him because they're full and because of his behavior problems. Again, we're being told to put him down. But I'd rather put him back into the wild and hope he makes it on his own than to know I ensured he had no chance at all at any kind of life. He's still here for now but we're about to start our classes and he cannot be here when the home study begins. I read stories on here about people who decided to disrupt, some over extreme circumstances and some over situations that I see as being easy to deal with. Even though I don't have a motherly love for C like I do for R and P because he's never allowed me to get close enough to even get a good look at him much less touch him, I don't want him to die. I have... had.. a friend who told me a couple weeks ago in no uncertain terms that she hates my decision to let C go in order for us to have a family. That if we cannot get approved with C here that we should wait until C naturally dies to start a family or care for other children in need. She has 8 or 9 cats and makes calendars of cats and is very personally invested in cats to the point that she cannot even see what we have been through and it has now ruined our friendship. I guess the reason this is so heavy on me that I felt I needed to post it is that we never know what someone else is going through or what they have done to try and fix a situation before it got too bad to handle. I've called cat rescues all over the entire East Coast and was willing to drive as much as 500 miles to get C a good home. But they're all over populated. There was a fantastic cat ranch here where one man wouldn't turn down any cats no matter how sick or mean they were - he accepted them all because he knew they'd die without his help. He built a cat ranch complete with a cat sized village made of beautiful houses. Unfortunately, he said yes too many times and a few of the cats were ill and Peta sent in a volunteer who documented behind the scenes for 6 months to get enough footage to shut down the ranch and have all 700 cats removed and put the man in jail. Of those 700 cats, only 200 were reported to have found homes and the other 500- well.... lets just say the man was right. Edited to add: We've added a fan system into the garage and C has never been sick despite not having the vaccines. In fact, he's been the healthiest pet I've ever had in my life - most likely because he's not exposed to much.

Letus. I'm sad that your cat has the issues that cause him to be a cranky cat. It just cant be fun. I can tell by the post that you are one that would go far beyond to ensure the safety and well being of your family. This is obviously to include the furry family. I guess I could have been clearer on my OP. This friend works in the pet care industry at a vets. She lives on a ranch where pets are allowed and about a month or so ago she did the same thing with 2 other dogs. Now it's the last dog and a cat. Rehoming is a great thing! But the thing that gets me is the threat that the animal will be killed because no one is coming forward. That is what my issue is :( Ask and post and beg for a new home for the animals (speaking towards the person I know) but please keep in mind that when you say they need to go or they die...it is just not ok to me. The person who use to be your friend...the thing is, maybe you can fudge the cat out of the home for home visits or what ever and maybe you can make it work...I don't know. But if it's been 6 yrs and a year before then the cat is only 7 or so years right? My aunts cats lived to 17. She expects you to not have a family for another 10 yrs? I'm an avid animal lover, have done rescue. Taken in sick strays, puppies with no mamma and kittens with closed eyes crawling into the highway after their mamma died. I know sometimes we have hard choices but for the person I know...I think the animals are inconvenient now and they need to go. Sorry to ramble, your story makes me maybe some sympathetic to my friends possible situation and maybe a little more peeved by how far you have gone to save your own cat. Time for rest.

DIGMY, I agree with you on the ' wording ', I read on cl all the time ' must be gone today', and wonder, what will happen, if not.... Sometimes one has no choice but to rehome, but at least one should look for a great new home, not just ANY home.

I agree with you, it's like they are guilting people into taking in their animal. If you (someone) doesn't step up, it will be put to sleep or sent to a shelter and it will be all your fault for not taking it. Letus, I am so sorry you may have to make this choice. While there are many legitimate reasons a person must rehome a pet, there are many more that do it for what I consider stupid reasons. We got my oldest dog when she was 6 months old. The previous owner had a 4 month old baby and couldn't handle both. But yet they got the puppy knowing full well a baby was on its way. :arrow: I consider it their loss though because I have the best dog ever thanks to them. My foster pup was dumped at the shelter because she was pregnant. :eek: I guess it never occurred to her previous owner that they should have spayed her to prevent this. Rehoming for the reason you have, in my opinion is a legitimate reason. I'm sorry your so called friend couldn't see this.

THIS! Froggy got into my brain. I was so frustrated last night and hope that those who rehome (I have had to rehome...fairly recently too) know that this was not a judgmental thing against rehoming...it was more the guilting part that just irks me. I'll shut up now because I see another long post coming...Froggy got it right!

It actually makes me feel better to know that perfect strangers see it as a legitimate reason but it doesn't stop my heart from aching. I'd never jeopardize our ability to foster parent intentionally so trying to hide a cat that I can't even get my hands on is not in the cards. Not to mention the foster kiddo could always tell on us intentionally or accidentally. Plus if C did attack a kiddo, I'd never forgive myself. Dig - I agree with you that it's not right to guilt people (to an extent). Unfortunately the reality of getting homes for children and pets that have severe problems is that people have to be guilted into it. Commercials depicting sad animals with leaky eyes and injuries are successful in getting people to adopt them. Flat out saying you'll kill your animal if someone doesn't take him/ her TODAY is wrong though. There's not many situations one can get themselves into where they wouldn't have more time to prepare than a day. Allergies are a huge reason people discard their pets - many never even attempting to have shots or take meds before making that decision. Most pets are fairly self sufficient so not having time for both also isn't a good excuse to me. Anyway my heart is heavy but like someone else mentioned, it's not fair to go another 10 years to start a family for a cat that dreams of ways to attack us. I've given him so much including running our electric bill up to try and keep the garage cool for 6 years. I wish the situation wasn't the way it is. I am the one that puts food outside at night to feed strays despite it being a clear violation of m HOA deeds and restrictions. I've taken a stray cat with eye infection to the ER vet and spent over $750 for emergency care on a cat that showed up on my doorstep screaming. It had a terrible upper respiratory infection. And then we kept it for 3 weeks to give it eye drops and meds and spent another 2 weeks finding a good home for it. I'm not an incompassionate person. I can't find C a home though and I've been warned that free to good home postings often wind up with people who use the free animals for fights or as feed for their snakes/ etc. It's been so super stressful. :-(.

Letusadopt, you have tried very hard and done much more than most people would to help your cat have a good life and become part of your family again. It sounds like something about the move triggered something traumatic from his early abuse and he was never able to recover. I would not judge you for having him humanely euthanized so that you can have a family. I would urge you though not to release him "into the wild." There are no gentle deaths in the wild - if you do that he will eventually die by some unpleasant means and it will likely not be that long before it happens. Car, dog attack, fight with another cat....if he is lucky enough to avoid all these and get old he will likely die of starvation when his hunting skills decline (if he even has any). Plus he would lose what is probably the one place on earth he feels safe - your garage. It is hard and it is sad. I'm like you and have a soft heart for animals and wish I could rescue every stray. You have given him years of life that probably no one else would have. If you can find any way anyone can take him (and I agree, your cat-loving "friend" should step up!) then I would let him go as kindly and gently as possible. There are far worse things for an animal than a humane end to their life. And with all you have tried to do for this cat, you are obviously the complete opposite of the kind of person dig is ranting about.

I have only had to rehome a set of guinea pigs, so I do agree that pets are generally a lifelong commitment. I HATE it when people get a puppy and after the cute wears off they give them up. Ugh! However, I would never put an animals "rights" above a human (child or adult). If one of my children developed a terrible allergy to dogs I would have to give them up...end of story. I LOVE them, but my human babies come first. Anyway, this reminded me of a craigslist post on a horse I saw last year. The man put in the ad, "if not sold by next week the price will go up. " LOL If you can't sell the horse at $500, who is going to pay MORE?? Seriously, people try to harrass you into taking their animal every way they can.

This is where we may differ. I do believe that a life is a life whether human or of the furry variety. The bond my dog has to me is unbreakable and I wouldn't accept a placement where I wouldn't be able to keep my dog. If a child in our home developed allergies later on that weren't identified beforehand, we'd go to the Dr and have allergy tests done and try to do shots or whatever we can to make it better. I'd even shave the little guy if need be. But I'd do everything possible to keep us together first. Then I'd need to look at the circumstances if that didn't work. Is RU the definite plan and the bios are working their case plan? If so, I'd choose my forever friend without question because I would always hold resent to a child I couldn't keep because of my puppy. If the child hits my dog and abuses my dog, the child is the one that has to go. If the dog abuses the kid without being provoked and its not stoppable then he would have to go. If adoption by us is the foreseeable goal, I'd break the walls of the earth to find a solution to keep both but ultimately I'd most likely let the puppy go ( he's a perfect angel and our friends right over who can babysit him when we are out of town. I'd most likely be able to get him placed in my own neighborhood and be able to visit him still ).

Oh geez...I just typed a big response and it left...ugh! OK, I thought I might need to clarify. I would TOTALLY do allergy meds, shots, etc. to make it possible for both child and animal to stay. I was thinking my bios or adopted kids...not fosters. We won't take any fosters with animal allergies. We have too many! I LOVE my dogs, cats, horses, chickens...but to me a human trumps animal...always. Short term placement versus dog...dog is staying. So, I agree with you:)

Letus, have you ever seen the show My Cat From Hello (minus the o)? That guy does amazing work with cats, but I think he's west coast. Maybe you could try contacting him.