Constant Visit Changes

This is a really hard question to answer because it depends on so much. DCPP is obligated to provide parents with access to baby. The younger the baby is, often the more visits they get (crucial for initial "bond" with bio parents). Did you get baby directly from hospital? Is she newborn? So if bio parents can't do a schedule or are completely flakes (like so many bios), DCPP can't just say "you can't have visits." They have to work with bio parents to make it happen. It's hard to tell from your post if it's DCPP not keeping you in the loop as to when visits are scheduled for or if they are just trying to produce baby at the last minute for bio parents who are all over the place. DCPP cannot go into court and be perceived (by the judge) as to having not facilitated visits. However, you are entitled to a reasonable amount of notice. And if you feel like you're getting taken complete advantage of, you need to set some boundaries. Is baby at daycare? If so, you don't get much say at all....DCPP can pick up baby all they want and drop baby back off at daycare. If not, would you consider day care a few afternoons a week for baby (get DCPP to pay) and then it wouldn't wreak havoc on your schedule. Say "visits can be Mon, Wed. or Friday from 1p-5p because that's when she'll be at daycare). If you are a stay-at-home mom, even if you have other kids, they will expect you to be at their beck and call. It doesn't mean you have to answer your phone or call them back on a moment's notice. But if they feel like you're purposefully avoiding them or interfering with their efforts to schedule visits, they could (might) move the baby..... Do the best you can to accommodate them (and make sure they know you're bending over backwards for them) and when you do set boundaries, make them reasonable and consistent (eg. I won't have my phone on from 9a-noon each day because I work out or because baby naps or something so don't call during those hours). As long as you are reasonable and not coming across as being difficult just for the sake of being difficult, they don't really have a reason to move baby (it's bad for baby to be moved, in general). Kill them with kindness (oh I wish I were going to be home but we'll be out picking up other child, that won't work for us)..... My experience has been that DCPP visit transporters don't pull this stuff with full-time or part-time working moms but they seem to think stay-at-home moms sit on their couches all day eating bon bons and watching soap operas. They will walk all over you if you let them but they will also make your life miserable if you piss them off so you have to walk a fine line there... Try to figure out what's going on....are they just taking advantage of you for no reason or are they trying to do their jobs and are dealing with bio parents who are making it extremely difficult?) If you can get baby's Law Guardian to say in court "a schedule is important to baby" - that will help a lot more than you saying it to DCPP. It will even help DCPP if your baby's LG gets judge to set schedule - it will make DCPP's job easier. In the meantime, they HAVE to make sure bios see baby. Good luck!

In most states, Reunification is Advocated for under the age of 10 years old. What exactly is Child's Case Management plan?? I 'Ditto' in agreement also with the previous poster, and also well said. Having 'Seasoned' experience since 2000. If Birth Parent (s) values that you quiver early in the process. They can easily proove you are diverting them from following their Case Management Plan!! I would at least try asking the Supervisor if things aren't better Advocated in May. I would also Advocate in yours and the Child's Best Interests. That both you and Husband well document that scenarios that you are not feeling Case Management is Advocating for this 'Little One'!! What it would take for 8 to 24 hour notice??

I understand that DCPP has to make these visits happen and we have been more than flexible. We've cancelled appointments to accomodate changes for the bp's. Last week, bp's showed up 45 minutes late for visit so transport said she was going to extend it for them by 45 minutes without even asking me if that was ok. I explained that I felt bad that they got here late but I had an appointment I needed to keep and needed her back on time. Well, the appointment had to be rescheduled because she wasn't brought back on time. So, even though I set a boundary, it wasn't respected.Out of the seven weeks we've had this child, only one week was the visit done during the agreed upon time/day. Usually the changes are requested less than 24 hours and the CW says to the bp's "well, I don't know but I'll check with the resource parents". Then when we say we can't do it, we're the jerks. If they need to change due to a job interview or something like that, I'm all for helping them out but when they are using excuses like being "stuck in traffic" or want the time changed just because they are going to be in the area at a certain time several hours away from their scheduled visit time doesn't constitute an important reason to change it. One week bm called and said she had an appointment for one of her services scheduled during the time of the visit and wanted it changed. Well, why are you scheduling appointments during your visit? We say ok to the change. CW calls back 15 minutes later and says never mind. I asked CW what happened to the appointment and CW says "oh, I don't know". Really?

I understand that DCPP has to make these visits happen and we have been more than flexible. We've cancelled appointments to accomodate changes for the bp's. Last week, bp's showed up 45 minutes late for visit so transport said she was going to extend it for them by 45 minutes without even asking me if that was ok. I explained that I felt bad that they got here late but I had an appointment I needed to keep and needed her back on time. Well, the appointment had to be rescheduled because she wasn't brought back on time. So, even though I set a boundary, it wasn't respected. Out of the seven weeks we've had this child, only one week was the visit done during the agreed upon time/day. Usually the changes are requested less than 24 hours and the CW says to the bp's "well, I don't know but I'll check with the resource parents". Then when we say we can't do it, we're the jerks. If they need to change due to a job interview or something like that, I'm all for helping them out but when they are using excuses like being "stuck in traffic" or want the time changed just because they are going to be in the area at a certain time several hours away from their scheduled visit time doesn't constitute an important reason to change it. One week bm called and said she had an appointment for one of her services scheduled during the time of the visit and wanted it changed. Well, why are you scheduling appointments during your visit? We say ok to the change. CW calls back 15 minutes later and says never mind. I asked CW what happened to the appointment and CW says "oh, I don't know". Really?

Can you give them a timeframe of your "free" time and ask that bio works within that range. Let cw know you're trying to be accommodating but this sounds ridiculous.

That kind of stuff I would definitely go to the CW, the CW's supervisor etc. Document it all by emails immediately after each thing happens so you have proof. That's happened to us every time we get a new (or substitute) transportation person/visit supervisor (called "case aides" I think). It's completely unacceptable. If visit is one hour or less, and mom is more than 15 minutes late, they need to take baby home immediately. If visit is 2 hours long and mom is 30 minutes late, same thing. Those are the "rules." They cannot (and should not) extend visit if mom is late. It's rewarding her lateness. Tell them to stop calling you with last minute changes. Tell them at least 24 hours IN ADVANCE they need to set the visit time and not deviated from it....say "don't even bother calling us with changes if it's within 24 hour window." This kind of crap is internal and happens because CWs LET it happen. Don't put up with it.....the more you put your foot down, the less it will happen (it will still happen but it will be far less). Believe me - I've put up with a lot of it for YEARS now and when I make a big deal out of it, it stops (for a while) - at least until we get a new case aide. Go as high as you can if you don't see it changing. It's completely unacceptable. Good luck!

To the pp who said DCPP has to prove they are allowing bios access to their baby, IMO they are. Its the bios that are not doing their part in coming to the visits. The visits should be a set day/time each week and if bios have a history of not showing, they should confirm visit 24 hours in advance. No confirmation, no visit. At least, if I was running DCPP, this is how all this would work, lol.

What happens during a bonding eval? Do they just watch me and the child play/interact? Do they ask questions? I didn't have to do this with my son- his bios relinquished before the eval happened.

This is what I was thinking. We are the ones making all the changes and adjustments to our schedule when a set visit schedule already exists. It's the parents who can't stick to it, how does that become our problem? We make her available during the scheduled visit under all circumstances, therefore, we are doing our part.

Oops- I wanted this to be its own thread. Didn't mean to post it on this thread!

I had two bonding evals with my former fosterson (now godson) and was deemed his psychological parent both times. He was still reunited w his biological mom.