She Kept My Brother

Welcome to the group, LoliLauren! It's difficult when family stops communicating, especially when you don't know why. Do you know where they are and do you want communication with them again? So sorry to hear she used you as a pawn. I also got my tubes tied, but at 26... essentially as soon as I could find someone who would do it.

Did you get that from your bmom yourself? The reason I ask is because my asister's "story" sounded similar but the truth was a bit different, i.e. the story my amom told me was that my asister's bmom used my sister to try and get the father to stay with her and when that didn't work out, she gave her up, whereas the truth was that the bmom tried to get the father to stay with her to help her raise her daughter but when that didn't work out, she had to give her up as she had no way of raising her herself. See how the stories sound similar but with a few words changed around, it puts a different spin on things? I think my amom had been told the original story by the SWers.

One is to make the adoption very "time specific", i.e. that it is was due to circumstances at that particular time. That can help a child realise it wasn't personal, eg if DD had been the 7 year old and the sis had been the newborn, then sis would have been the one who was relinquished. Another thing that can help one understand is to look at the "safety" aspect. When things are very hard at a particular time and the parents must work, a 7 year old is "minded" at school for 6-7 hours a day and is also able to look after herself to some extent. A newborn needs a full time minder and if the bparents can't find a trustworthy person/organisation to care for their baby, then what are they to do. Obviously, there is more help these days but in the past, childcare wasn't something to be taken for granted and even today, it might not always be forthcoming. One thing that actually helped me put things in perspective has been reading stories throughout the centuries, not just recently, where one realises how utterly important an alternative childcare option is - a single mother always HAD to work and thus had to have someone minding the baby. It was so bad at the turn of the 19th century that women PAID orphanages and baby farmers to look after their chidren - they had no choice (an interesting fictional TV representation of that is Clara in "The Paradise") We see similar things in other countries even today. One thing that has helped me also is that I have met women who parented as single mothers in the early 70s with the support of their own parents. However, due to living in a rural area, they spent their latter months in city maternity homes amongst women who relinquished their children. They felt nothing but compassion for their fellow pregnant mothers because they knew it was "there for the grace of God go I" - they knew they were lucky to have support but the fellow maternity home residents didn't.

Excellent thoughts and a good perspective. I especially liked the part about "if you would've been born first and your sister was the newborn, you probably would have been kept and her placed instead of the other way around." The child-care issue is a HUGE one for DD's first parents. They have nobody that they could trust a baby to for an extended period of time (like so that they could work). For instance, the one motel they lived in had a bullet hole through the door (was patched, but still...). Just the idea of bringing a baby into that environment is so scary! Thanks for your thoughts!

Truly, if I had known that since I was born, like how I have always known I was adopted I'd have been a lot angrier about it over the years. My BB's new wife doesn't like me one bit. Havent seen him since the wedding. Also was not invited to my B half brothers services after he committed suicide last year. I just go on living my life as I have forever. I don't necessarily think of it often because I have my own life and whats done is done.

I don't necessarily think of it often because I have my own life and whats done is done. And it confirms what I have figured all along. Stuff like this runs in her family and I have has psych problems my whole life. My BM does crazy things because she isnt being seen or medicated. Really crazy things. I just deal with the family I grew up in and blew the bios off to save my own sanity. They can go and foul up their lives all they want, I'll be over here living my life the way I want to live it.

I have to ask why you mentioned having a late term abortion and tying your tubes? Is that something you regret? Have you any living children?? I don't understand so much of what you must have lived through but my unwed mother was pregnant in 1967 and with NO support from her family who lived over 500 miles away, she had me, kept me and raised me. Did she want me? NO. Did she need me? NO. Did she do a good job?? NO. I have two wonderful sons that are happy I was born even though they know what I went through, they never did.

I'm a bit confused. On another post, you were born in 1956 and adopted out?

My wife and I search weekly for my family. That question came from her. I was adopted out the day after I was born, I was carried out of the hospital by my adopted family. She was kept by a parent and abused. I never considered that she should have signed that post! Thank You!

Nah, I'm good. On with my own life. Just because they dont want me in their lives is no great loss. On to why I got an abortion. I'm not getting into personal details as to why I did. It sucked but I had to do it. Was planning to get my tubes tied when I found out I was pregnant. So that was already a plan in motion. Do I regret what I did? Hell no. I have no reason to since I did the best thing for all involved.

I thought something like *you* being husband and wife might be the case :)

I've experienced that many people don't understand how a women might want her tubes tied if she's never had kids. For that reason I'm curious if you do actually have kids or are childfree like me.

I wanted my tubes tied after I had Kiddo and lost him to adoption. No one would do it for me because I was too young. Might sue you know. Even though I am sometimes sad there weren't more kids for me, I'm happy being childfree about 99% of the time. I can totally understand getting your tubes tied and not having kids.

thanks for sharing your experience with us. but you know every one is not same. there are different types of mother father or family around us. so we should be happy to have one as our family. :)

I don't think it's supportive for you to tell people how you think they should feel. We get enough of that from general society. We shouldn't be subjected to it in a support forum.