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Hi everyone- so we have been match with 3 little boys who we first met by doing respite for them over Easter weekend! They are absolutely wonderful and couldn't be happier with them. The kids at this point do not know we will be their forever home and wont till closer to the end of May when school is over. The oldest made comments like why are you so nice to me, and that myself and my husband are the best mom and dad ever. Both the oldest and the middle child did not want to go back to their foster mom's home... it was a struggle to get them in the vehicle. Their was some tears by both them and me... my question is the oldest has a different dad. Bio mom has already had final visit and been tpr'd as well as the younger 2's dad. But the oldest's dad is in prision and keeps going back and forth as to if he will voluntarily go along with tpr or not. Well they had court on Monday and he asked for a lawyer next court day is May 2nd for his second felony sentencing. He got 5 years for the first one, this one is upto 2 years. We have court over the tpr issue on May 12th so will know at that time what he got. All the boy's move in with us for good in 35 days. The judge did have it put on the record that my oldest want's to remain with his brothers. I can't imagine them not together my middle one looks up to the oldest so much! It really scares me to think there is a chance the judge would not let the tpr go through and we may not be able to adopt the oldest with his brothers. Has anyone gone through something like this? Do you think a judge would really give custody to dad who has not held a job since his kid has been alive (he will be 7 this summer) and has been in and out of jail his entire life, has no job or home. My oldest has not seen or talked with his father since Christmas last year on opinion of his therapist and is doing so much better in her opinion. I would be grateful for any thoughts!
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Hi, Congratulations on your placement! I can tell you're really excited and nervous. I don't know a lot about legal risk so I hope other people chime in about that. As I'm sure you know, the kids were most definitely on honeymoon behavior. Not wanting to go home and saying you're the best mom and dad is classic honeymooning :) It's also classic kid to act like their parents are mean and you are nice. You haven't had to do the hard work yet, so you're still the good guy. I would strongly recommend that you talk to their foster parents and really listen! Ask what works, what doesn't work, what behaviors they see, what they like and dislike, and really listen with an open mind.
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Hi, Congratulations on your placement! I can tell you're really excited and nervous. I don't know a lot about legal risk so I hope other people chime in about that.
As I'm sure you know, the kids were most definitely on honeymoon behavior. Not wanting to go home and saying you're the best mom and dad is classic honeymooning :) (Also, referring to you as mom and dad already could potentially be attachment related, keep your eyes/ears peeled for mention of attachment issues.)
It's also classic kid to act like their parents are mean and you are nice. You haven't had to do the hard work yet, so you're still the good guy. I would strongly recommend that you talk to their foster parents and really listen! Ask what works, what doesn't work, what behaviors they see, what they like and dislike, and really listen with an open mind.
As far as whether the judge will grant TPR I can't say for sure as judges seem to vary by area. Here, TPR would most likely happen. Not just because dad is in jail. That alone is not enough to grant TPR, but the fact that he probably hasn't done anything on his treatment plan for the child to return to him will play a big part. (Not sure if he has or not, I am just making an assumption based on my past experience here.) Also given the dad has no job, no home, he has no way to care for the child. Unless dad has some family that could care for him, which I doubt at this point as Children's Division would probably have looked for them at the beginning of the case, I can't see the judge NOT granting TPR. But like I said, there could certainly be something I am not aware of that would cause the judge not to. I am assuming the kids have been in care for a while?
Good luck and let us know how it turns out!
Well here is a little update... bio dad was sentenced to 57 months on the 2nd, today he didn't show up in court for the admit/deny hearing... but his attorney denied tpr for him. So we are headed to a pre-trial hearing. His son has been in foster care for 2 years, bio dad has not held a job since he has been born, our son is almost 7. He has not had contact with our son since December and the therapist does not recommend face to face contact anytime soon as she feels emotionally it would not be good for our son. Bio dad has flip flopped for over a year saying yes he will give up rights then decide not too at the last minute. Bio dad had no contact whatsoever with our son for the first 3 years of his life. I know no one here can give me a concrete answer here.. but if anyone has any thoughts I would really love some. Right now we are just praying hard as he desperately doesn't want to be separated from his 2 brothers (whom we are able to adopt and would like to adopt with him).