My convoluted story and a request for advice

Hello, I am an on again/off again lurker of these forums. I am posting because I haven't seen but bits and pieces of others posts that relate to me (but the bits that do resonate loudly indeed) I am an adult male adoptee, I was adopted at the age of 5 though I had been placed with my family at 4 years of age as a foster child. I was adopted via the state foster care system and had been removed from my birthmothers (not sure of birthfathers role during this) custody and her parental rights had been removed due to neglect (recently found out I had never made it home from the hospital due to being premature and heroin addicted at birth, that was awkward to find out 1 week ago to be sure), and according to my parents I had been in 6 previous foster homes and a group home before they got me. I was apparently a poorly behaved child and was "disruptive", my parents told me that the social worker they dealt with told them I knocked things off store shelves and threw thing at the previous foster homes, this is all I know about my early history, my second oldest memory is meeting my parents, my oldest is a smell that I couldn't put a name to until I was ran into it at the age of 10 (the smell of a horse barn and hay). My adoptive mother got me because she had had 6 miscarriages and was 39 when I came to live with them at 4 years of age, I was adopted a couple weeks after I turned 5 and a little sister was born 2 months later. I have always felt like the back-up plan that ended up unneeded and unwanted, and I never felt loved or like I fit in. There was physical abuse, and I was raised in the strictest manner while my little sister was not (though I do love her and do not resent her for my mothers behavior, she is a great person). I was not allowed to have friends over or to visit others houses, I was not allowed to get a drivers license at 16, or to date (my mother always said i'd knock some poor girl up and ruin her life, and drew a comparision to her presumption of what she thought my unknown birth father did) and from 5th grade (age 11) on I was told regularly that I would be moveing out the day I turned 18 (and I did that very day though I was still in high school). I spent most of my life trying to belong, but still don't quite feel as though I ever will. Every beating I took I thought to myself "this will make me tougher" and I truly was a badly behaveing child When I was 16 my mom told me that 2 girls had stopped by earlier in the week claiming to be my sisters. my mom told me that she had sent them away and told them they could contact me after I turned 18, she also told me that they had told her about two other sisters adopted by a family in the neighboring town (I grew up in a suburb of a major city, my parents moved from that major city to that suburb right before I started school). This knowledge made me paranoid, I wondered "how many sisters do I have? 4 at least, are there any brothers? cousins?" once I moved out of my parents house, got a license and a car and finally started dateing I was forced to ask some really strange questions of girls before I went very far with them(was terrified of sleeping with a sister or cousin or other relative, gross). I hated going to the major mall near me, I stared at faces and found similarities everywhere, I can well understand the need to finally "look like someone" I have blue eyes and I remember being made to do a mendel square on the board in front of the class, brown and brown don't ever make blue. When I was 20 I had moved back in with my parents and after a 2 years absence I was finally getting along with my mom again (my father was always distant and uninvolved). Then one day I was involved in an after work get together at a bar (yes I wasn't old enough to legally be in that bar, like I said I was a bit of a bad boy). The next night at work (was just me and 1 other person on the overnight crew) and I got a phone call, it was a girl who also worked there (dayshift I was nights) who had seen me at the get together. she asked me if I was adopted, I said yes, she asked if I knew my original last name and I said yes, she then told me my original last name and date of birth and told me she was my sister...... I cannot explain how I felt even to myself and though my typing and formatting skills might not show it (sorry bout this wall of text btw) I consider myself smart and articulate, the words shocked and nervous will have to suffice. She asked if she could come to meet me at work and I said yes, 30 minutes later (felt like forever and too fast all at once if you can understand that) and she brought my other sister with her. We hugged and they cried (I was too (dunno what but not exactly numb) to cry) and we talked for 2-3 hours (felt like the worlds worst employee that night) and I got their numbers but couldn't give them mine (slightly precell phone era and I was living at home) and we made plans to meet up on our next days off. We met on the scheduled day and talked for a couple hours and they insisted that I meet "my mom" as they called her, I am normally a person that agrees to everyone to get along and at that age I always had a hard time saying no, but I asked for a day to think it over (asking for time to think something over wasn't normal for me at that time and age). I went home and told my mom about the situation (leaveing the part about the bar out of it of course) and asked her advice. You will have to understand I never told my mom anything about anything and never asked for advice, I kept my life compatmented, in highschool I had home life, school life and work life. After moveing back home (about 4-5 months before this all happened) I still kept things separated. My mom told me I should meet my birthmother "her term I learned to use from her" because "you might as well get any curiosity out of your system and learn your medical history" and so I called my new sister up and told her I would meet her mom We met up at work and she offered to drive, I insisted on driving myself (hadn't been driving long and was enjoying the freedom of it still and also I wanted my own escape plan). It was a short drive to a decent neighborhood (about 20 minutes from my house but in the city), she had a nice orderly well maintained house. It took more than a few deep breathes before I got out of my car, I noted the time on my stereo. When I walked in I saw my birthmother (I had told my sister that I didn't want any hugs or crying I was too manly for all that at 20) and my brother who looked so much like me as to be mistaken for a twin, I had been told about him at that first meeting, he is my only younger sibling by 3 years. We said our hellos and sat down at her kitchen table and to be honest I can't remember much of the conversation, I remember some of the small talk about where she worked and things like that. There were 2 other women there, I don't know their names or faces, could have been distant relitives or friends there for support, I kinda had tunnel vision, and was fighting down panic, it took every ounce of will power to keep me from....I don't know what, screaming and running for the door. She told me that I and all of her other children at the time (4 older sisters, my brother was born later and never in foster care) were taken because she couldn't take care of us (heard the part about drugs from my oldest sister recently) and that 5 years later when her life was sorted out enough to attempt to regain custody that only the 2 oldest sisters were still in foster care and recoverable by her, that the two middle sisters had been adopted by the same family and refused contact (and are still missing). I then asked about my birth father and she told me he had died, I did the math and the date she told me I would have been 9 years old at that time. I asked his name and she wouldn't tell me, she said "he put me through soo much, that I can't talk about him" all she would tell me was that he died in California (im from the Midwest) in a car wreck while being chased by the police (had to do a nature vs nurture paper in school, I of course supported nurture in my paper because I worried my mom might see it, but the whole criminal dna info worried me needlessly at that time) and refused to discuss him anymore. This made me upset and I soon made a lame escuse (don't remember what but im sure it was lame) and left. When I got in my car I saw that only 28 minutes had elaspsed, 28 minutes. I drove away and had to stop and sit in a parking lot for an hour to figure out what to say to my mom when I got home, I settled on the truth. My mom asked me how it went and I told her "it was the most awkward thing I've ever done" she asked "aren't you glad we adopted you now?" I responded with the only "right" answer "of course mom" though honestly I think it would have been better both for me and my mom if I had been adopted by someone different and that my mom had gotten a different child, a better behaved child. I changed jobs soon after that, and lost my sister number and didn't stay in contact, I only dealt with my 2 sisters for 2-3 months. I met my wife, got married, my parents retired to florida, I moved a few times, even lived in florida near my parents for 3 years until my mom passed away, then I moved back to my hometown. We have a child who is 10 and my side of the family isn't close at all, never was and now it's almost like not having any family, my wifes family is ok but I always wanted my daughter to feel like she's just as related to my family as she does to my wifes. so now i'm 38 and hadn't talked to my biological sister or birth mother in 18 years, my mom had passed and like I said my dads distant so I looked my sister up on facebook (my wifes account because I had always avoided it personally) found them in no time (even though women do those pesky marriage name changes) I then created my own facebook account and attempted to contact my two sister I had met so long ago, one of them answered me and I have been chatting back and forth on fb for 2 months, we talked on the phone and I attended a sporting event that her family participates in (her adopted son who is 18 now takes part in) I met her son and husband and introduced my daughter to them, it went well and my sisters a fine human being and has a wonderful family. She called her sister but 2 months later and theres no contact between us, this is the sister who found me and that I had the most contact with initially, the sister im in contact with says that they're not as close as they used to be and that she and her mother both sometimes get withdrawn for months sometime years at a time, I personally think the way I dropped contact hurt her and I want to apologize, I feel like im more mature and prepared now than I was when this was all thrust upon me, but I don't want to make the sister im in contact with feel pressured into being a go between either. my birthmother accepted my fb friend request and saw my short message to her but hasn't responded to me yet (sent message and friend request a week ago, friend request accepted and message seen 4 days ago) but I have no problem with giving her time to respond (even though im an impatient person normally and just want to get the hard bits over with) my birthmother is 70 and by doing the math I realize that when her children were taken from her for neglect she was around 30 years old and while I wonder "why would a 30 year old woman screw up bad enough to get her children taken away and parental rights terminated" I hope that I can talk to her and not open old wounds, but I still have the same question about my father now as I did then, is that worth persueing? or will I risk driving her and my sisters away if I am seen as stirring up trouble? The final thing is this, the other two sister that were adopted by the same family, I believe I have found them both though about a weeks worth of searching. Should I attempt to contact them? My sister I've been in touch with recently says they gave up when they refused contact almost 20 years ago, but I can understand their refusal, I felt disloyal as hell talking to my birth family and only tried to make contact again after my mom passed. Prehaps they feel differently now? maybe because im adopted too they might feel differently about talking to me. If I do attempt to contact them how should I go about it? contact their parents who still live locally? (looks like both of them are married and moved out of state) contact them on facebook? Funny thing is this, my wife went to school with them both but was a grade behind the younger one and 2 behind the older and didn't really know them but I've seen their pictures in my wifes yearbooks. also the 2 oldest (ones I met) sister have one father, the two i'm asking if i should contact potentially have another and myself and my brother who is 3 years younger than me might share a 3d father (birthmother wouldn't confirm that but we look soo much alike) Finally the youngest sibling my brother, he has a daughter my daughters age, she has a fb page and the resemblance is striking, similar interest and all that. But my sister warned me away from him, seems he's a heroin addict, former meth addict, the mother of his daughter is not in the picture and is also a drug addict and the child lives with my birthmother though recently my brother was kicked out and is homeless due to stealing and drug use. I cannot involve my wife and daughter with a person like that, even though I wish I could get to know him myself at least in some limited manner. Sorry for the long story and poor formatting, but this is my story. Being adopted has warped my life, in some areas only a little in others more than I can explain to most people and I had to just get it out, I started seeing a psychologist about a month ago, never thought I would do something like that but the rollercoaster of highs and lows I've been on lately has compelled me to seek help in order that my ? not sure how to say it, need to feel related to more than my daughter (she looks so much like me but pretty lol) , doesn't negatively affect my wife and daughter. Any advice on my questions or comment would be appreciated, I might not follow your advice but I will give anything posted here due consideration.