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My current placement is a NREFM, and is now 17 months old. Bio dad is the only parent who has a plan to work, and he's not doing a thing, hasn't seen the baby since December. Bio mom is in prison, and due with a full sibling to my squishy in mid july. She has listed me as the person to take the baby from the hospital. Under normal circumstances I would be so excited to give the brothers a chance to be raised together. Here's my problem, my DH has decided he no longer wants to be married, and has said he is divorcing me. So, as if my personal life isn't stressful enough, now I have to make this decision that will impact these two innocent boys for the rest of their lives. Can I adopt as a newly single woman? I'll find work asap, but how do I find childcare for two children under two? My head is spinning right now, I just got the call and haven't quite processed all this yet. Any help or BTDT would be appreciated. Thank you:)
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Yes, you can adopt as a single woman. I have a good friend who is currently waiting to adopt her little one who she's had since birth.
If you are looking for daycare immediately, I would use Craigslist. That's what I did when our first placement came. I was lucky to find a wonderful home care provider who can take all ages starting as young as a week old.
I do have a question. So is BioMom only wanting you to take legal guardianship or adopt as well? Since you may be in the middle of divorce proceedings when your little one's sibling is born, I would make sure that you can emotionally, mentally and physically take on two children as a single child. As well as build a support system now. I'm not questioning your ability, yet raising issues that you should review before taking a new sibling.
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She's wanting me to adopt. The state will not allow her to parent any of her children, so she needs an adoptive home. Bio dad has no interest in raising this little one, so the baby really needs a good home. The thought is intimidating, but I do have a great support system, so I know I could do it. I really want to keep these boys together, but its such a huge commitment, and one I dont want to take lightly. Thankfully I have two months before he's born, so I have lots and lots of thinking to do.
Wow - I'm both sorry for what you are going through with your husband but happy for you that you are being given this special opportunity to take in the infant sibling. I think it differs from County to County / Social Workers / etc as to whether you can continue as a single parent. Seeing that you are already approved and have a placement, I can't imagine they won't be able to find a way to work through this with you. They may have to make sure you are able to do it on your own and hopefully you can remain in the home you are currently in so that you don't have to go through changing your license with the State to a new residence. Having a great support system is beyond helpful and I'm so happy to hear there are people there to help you through all of this and help you with the kiddos. My husband and I also took placement of our baby's siblings, giving us four children ages 3 and under! It was a balancing act for a few months and we just finalized on Friday without a single regret! We also turned to Craig's List for a "Nanny" and found 3 really great candidates. We had over 12 people apply, spoke to them over the phone to first let them know our situation and made sure they could handle it and understand what our new kiddos had been through - they needed extra reassurance, attention and dedication to helping them adjust and grow. We chose the top 3 people who we felt could best handle the position and interviewed each of them. Honestly, we loved them all but in the end chose the one that was the most like myself and had the most experience in working with children whose parents were in the military and was used to helping them adjust with deployments and in some cases, not returning at all. We love her and she has become part of our family. Financially, I know it can be tough to juggle daycare, house payments, bills, etc; however, you may be able to speak to your social worker about increasing your monthly stipend to assist with child care. We have had friends that were able to do that. We never asked for it, but the worst they can say is no. I hope you are able to do what is best for you as well as for the children. I really hope this all works out for you!
Sorry, I should clarify on what I mean as to continuing as a single parent. You can definitely adopt as a single parent; however, given that you are going through a separation/divorce, they may want to make sure you can continue emotionally as well as financially. I would contact your Social Worker so that they can work with you to be able to continue on your own.