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We are in Riverside County. Originally the hubby and I put down in our paperwork that we would take a male or female, Caucasian or Hispanic child ages 0-8. We are in week three of our parenting classes and I have been reading a lot about some of the problems the older children have. Long story short we've talked A LOT and really want to change our preference to a boy or girl, newborn, Caucasian/Hispanic. Is it realistic to stick to only wanting to take an infant to adopt? Our reasoning: neither of us have ever been parents, we don't feel that we have the experience or are equipped to handle children who have been severely abused with attachment disorders, and we are trying to start out slow without getting in over our heads. To be honest, we are trying to be cautious while learning at the same time through this very tedious process. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Please keep in mind that no matter how old the child is it's still a possibility that they may have emotional issues...even new Borns when they get older. They is no guarantee of a perfect child with no behavior issues...that also includes bios. With that said do what feels the most comfortable for you and your husband. Please make sure you and your spouse keep an open line of communication because this is a stressful ride! If you don't feel comfortable taking older maybe do 0-4 to start. Just know that you may wait a little longer if you want a newborn. You can change your age parameters at anytime you see fit. Good luck.
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Take a huge breath! Remember that these classes are meant to make sure you are serious. I wouldn't change your preferences and I wouldn't automatically assume you are safe with a newborn. ALL children can have problems. A newborn may not exhibit signs of mental illness until later in life. Drug exposure, alcohol exposure and environment effect all children differently. With an older child you get to meet them, ask them questions and learn about them. You can see first hand who they are. I hate the classes because they give too much information. YOUR child will not be a diagnosis on a page. They will be your child and you will know them better than anyone. Trust me, I had two RAD twins and I loved them. There was so much good in them and had their case been able to finalize (long story) we would have adopted them. Our toddler was an adoptive placement failure. He's difficult. He's also funny and loving and awesome. We meet older kids every day and have watched some amazing adoptions of older children. Don't be afraid, be educated and open.
Take a huge breath! Remember that these classes are meant to make sure you are serious. I wouldn't change your preferences and I wouldn't automatically assume you are safe with a newborn. ALL children can have problems. A newborn may not exhibit signs of mental illness until later in life. Drug exposure, alcohol exposure and environment effect all children differently. With an older child you get to meet them, ask them questions and learn about them. You can see first hand who they are.
I hate the classes because they give too much information. YOUR child will not be a diagnosis on a page. They will be your child and you will know them better than anyone. Trust me, I had two RAD twins and I loved them. There was so much good in them and had their case been able to finalize (long story) we would have adopted them.
Our toddler was an adoptive placement failure. He's difficult. He's also funny and loving and awesome. We meet older kids every day and have watched some amazing adoptions of older children. Don't be afraid, be educated and open.