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My 3 year old daughter has lived with us for 2 years, and prior to that she was living with birth parents who basically left her locked in her crib/room all day, fed her when they felt like it, and had very little interaction with her. I've had my hands full with this child! She is afraid of no one and just recently has almost stopped trying to get every single person she sees to give her their full attention, including climbing all over strangers if I don't catch her fast enough to stop her. She has been defiant, very defiant, from day one. I honestly think she has ODD. She will fight to the death!
I recently put her in day care to give me a respite, but that backfired. She kept all of her fingernails picked off to the quick, has become even more obsessed with food, and now won't stop saying awful things to my 9 year old about what a bad sister and what a bad person she is (all outside of my ear range of course). I've disciplined several ways, made her say good things and compliment my 9 year old (she really is an amazing big sister), but after a week of doing this non stop (disciplining and correcting by having her give compliments), she is still insulting her older sister, even teasing her into the corner then talking bad to her.
She screams her little crazy head off when even the slightest discipline is given, and I mean the slightest. Time out, verbal correction, and pop on the rear; everything receives the same out of control screaming and wailing. I'm at my wits end with this child. Everything is a battle, and she would eat all day if I didn't keep some control over the food.
If I have to verbally correct her in public, or in front of people we don't live with, she almost panics. She can't take it, as if it's ruining her image to be disciplined. She flirts unreal with anybody outside our home, to get the "you're so cute" comments rolling in. She has a totally different personality with other people, very coy and cute, and defies me at the same time. All of my rules are out the window in public places.
I have not taken her to a therapist for a diagnosis, but I am pretty darn sure something is going on. Anybody got any advice or encouragment for dealing with this?
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This child is quite obviously deeply traumatised and should have been in therapy from day one. However, you need help now until you can get therapeutic help into place.
If she cannot behave out of your sight, then she doesn't leave it. Routine and proximity are going to have to be enforced now. She stays with you and follows a prescribed course throughout the day. Meals and snacks are served at specific times only. Discipline for misbehaviour should be initiated instantly and carried through until the behaviour stops.
My middle daughter came at 2 1/2 and she came from a very loving foster home (with a disaster of a R/U for 4 mos in the middle). She was constantly defiant, had nervous ticks (scratching at herself, biting her nails) and constantly asked for food/refusing to eat. And the nasty comments and tantrums... Dear Lord, it tested me in ways I never thought.
Now almost a year later, she's a completely different child (some times still lapses) but those first few months I felt like a drill sergeant and sometimes despaired of ever undoing what those 4 months of maltreatment did to her brain.
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Oh, thank you so much for the reply! It helps so much just to have someone who understands. I tried a few other boards and was basically chastised for thinking something could be wrong with a 3 year old...?
I did all the attachment parenting stuff for months! Rocking her to sleep, wearing her in a baby sling, feeding her, not letting others care for her, I was glued to that child! But, the pain and suffering she endured is obviously so deeply embedded in her little heart that she can't let go. My 9 year old suffered some attachment and emotional issues from her first year of life in a Russian orphanage. Although she still has some minor issues, she was a breeze to work through compared to her little sister. Whew! I've already told my 9 year old to not put herself in a situation where she is alone with her sister.
I am starting to search for a therapist now who can give us some direction and HELP! This beautiful little girl needs the best future possible!
I have that child too!She is now 6 and therapy has worked wonders. I kid you not, mine would scream(like break glass screaming) for hours when in time out. At 3 we took everything out of her room except the bed because she would destroy everything. She had to earn it back over time. It's tough because I had to be on super alert all the time because of the things she would do. Be a brick wall though. When you say that X will happen if she does Y, then it has to happen just like you said whether it is a consequence or a reward.
It’s important to respond to your ODD child without anger—try to be as calm and matter-of-fact as possible. Just acknowledge the behavior, state it as you see it, explain how it will need to change and then remove yourself from all arguments. You really have to pick your battles and decide what’s most important to you—and ultimately to your child. Get all these tips by visiting Pocket full of feeling with incredible [URL="http://www.pocketfulloffeelings.com/pages/videos"]videos[/URL].
Its important to respond to your ODD child without angerҗtry to be as calm and matter-of-fact as possible. Just acknowledge the behavior, state it as you see it, explain how it will need to change and then remove yourself from all arguments. You really have to pick your battles and decide whats most important to youҗand ultimately to your child. Get all these tips by visiting Pocket full of feeling with incredible [URL="http://www.pocketfulloffeelings.com/pages/videos"]videos[/URL].
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