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If you have btdt let me know. I am in process. Feels kinda strange after giving up so much to make a difference and finding out it didn't seem to "take." (Still, hoping it will someday.)
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I had to physically step away. I found that I can only do so much, then my sons had to take up for themselves. For years, I did things for them...even beyond 18. I found the more I did, the less they tried. It is "your journey" as well as theirs.
I hope and pray things get better for both of you.