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Hi, Im currently 5 months pregnant and healthy and decided at month 2 that I would have to choose adoption. The father is not in the picture at all and I have a 2 year old who is my world at the moment. I fell on very hard times after my divorce a couple of years ago and Im struggling enough as it is so taking care of another child at the moment is just not feasible. I searched online and after considering abortion I talked to a couple who've been trying to have a baby for years and thought that choosing to not only better their lives but the life of this unborn baby would be the best option. The couple made it easier for me and offered to pay my living expenses and lost wages since I could no longer travel and things seemed to be going well. As of 2 weeks ago the couple backed out on me and I have no backup plan. The worst part of it all was that they told me I should be ashamed of myself for accepting their offer of reimbursement of my expenses. I couldnt believe it, I had not accepted a dime from this couple because I told them I wasnt comfortable with them paying my expenses while I was pregnant and thought it would put their minds more at ease if they waited until after the birth to do so. So many things could happen with myself, them or with the baby and if it did and they had been out of pocket for anything then I would feel terrible. Being reimbursed for those expenses wasnt even my idea, and the burden of the costs while I was pregnant was the very reason that I felt abortion was my only option. I am not looking to make money off this child, and if I cant get relief on my expenses then so be it, however I dont feel like I should feel bad about wanting to be in the same financial position as I was before the pregnancy. I have a 2 year old and at the rate Im going we'll both be homeless right after I give birth to this baby, no employer will hire me in my current condition to getting relief is getting harder and harder. Im going again to local restaurants to beg for a waitress position and have sold as much of my belongings as I can on craigslist just to get by. Sorry for ranting but Im in need of someone to talk to, someone to help me find another adoptive couple/person and someone who can provide any advice on how to improve my financial situation while pregnant. Surely there are companies willing to hire pregnant women...I WILL WORK AND WORK HARD. And again Im not requesting that the couple I find pay my expenses, that will have no bearing on my decision for adoption. Im just asking for some advice on how to proceed and what to do next.
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Brooke - I am so sorry you are going through this. Being 5 months pregnant and something like this happen to you during this time is very difficult to handle. My suggestion to you is to continue doing what you believe is best for you and for the baby. If you believe adoption is the right thing to do, then start to research adoption agencies. You are able to call an adoption agency and ask about the services that they offer. You do not have to work with the first agency you speak with. Being open and upfront with your agency and asking them questions about the process and services offered in adoption is the best thing you can do. Having your own advocate to help you through times like this is very important. Some agencies will give you a personalized caseworker that is there to support you and make sure that nothing happens like this again to you. Tell the agencies your speak with about your experience and find out if the caseworker that you are working with is solely there to represent you. This will help you be able to make sure they agency has your best interest at heart. I will you all the luck in finding the right forever family for you!
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Brooke - I am so sorry you are going through this. Being 5 months pregnant and something like this happen to you during this time is very difficult to handle. My suggestion to you is to continue doing what you believe is best for you and for the baby. If you believe adoption is the right thing to do, then start to research adoption agencies. You are able to call an adoption agency and ask about the services that they offer. You do not have to work with the first agency you speak with.
Being open and upfront with your agency and asking them questions about the process and services offered in adoption is the best thing you can do. Having your own advocate to help you through times like this is very important.
Some agencies will give you a personalized caseworker that is there to support you and make sure that nothing happens like this again to you. Tell the agencies your speak with about your experience and find out if the caseworker that you are working with is solely there to represent you. This will help you be able to make sure they agency has your best interest at heart.
I will you all the luck in finding the right forever family for you!
I am sorry that you are having to make this decision. I am very happy that you are thinking of your baby and you are looking for help. I don't know if I would be much help, but would love to try so if you could e-mail me that would be great and we could talk more in depth. My e-mail is pattimartin06@hotmail.com please fell free to e-mail me at any time. I hope to here form you and would love to try and help you and your baby.
Patti
Brooke - You certainly want to consider your options fully, speaking to an agency is an option but I'm wondering if you can get some sort of assistance if your unemployed and a single mom. Many state offer assistance especially to pregnant women and babies. In MO we have a program called WIC that helps with food and formula, we also have TANIF which is a temporary financial aid program. There's also a food program and utility companies & churches typically can help as well. Have you checked in to these options prior to making this decision?
I wish you the best of luck either way.
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Brook,
When I was pregnant with my son and was out of work, I contacted a job recruiting agency and they sent me on jobs every week. One day I was stuffing envelopes for a company, the next I was filling in for a secretary that was out for the week. It helped fill in those gaps until my son was born.
Good luck!
Hey Brooke, :)
Have you looked into government aid? I know there's a lot of stigma against it but it's for situations like yours and it sounds like you really need some help right now. I would really encourage you to look at these websites and check eligibility requirements on them and make some calls. You might be able to get some help and if you tell them your situation you can often get fast tracked.
For the United States:
[URL="http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/women-infants-and-children-wic"]Women, Infants and Children supplemental nutrition[/URL] (WIC) provides formula and some basic foods for women and children up to age 5.
[URL="http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/rental_assistance"]The US Department of Housing and Urban Development[/URL] (HUD) provides low-cost subsidized housing and 'Section 8' rental assistance.
[URL="http://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap"]The Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program[/URL] (SNAP) provides 'food stamps' / cards.
You may also qualify for help under the [URL="http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ofa/help"]Temporary Assistance for Needy Families[/URL] (TANF) which can provide cash assistance, job training, job help, etc.
[URL="http://www.benefits.gov/"]This estimator[/URL] might help finding what benefits you would be eligible for as well.
I can give you website resources for Canada as well, if you need them.
I hope this helps.
Hi, I want you to know you are still an amazing mother to make this decision. We just adopted our youngest son through foster care and have an open relationship with his birth mom. Her and I email all the time and skype and i send her tons of pictures and updates. We so would love to adopt again. I wish you all the best in choosing an adoptive family. :)
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Hello Brookie,I hope that you, the baby and your little one is doing good. Depending on which state you live in there are several things that you can do and that is where I would start if you haven't already. Get state assistance and explain your situation. For example we live in WV and my aunt fell on hard times and lost her job and had three kids to take care of when she went to the wvdhhr and they ended up paying for her utility bills and helped purchase a used car for her to be able to get back and forth to work and take care of the children for doctors apt and so on. If you are still considering adoption please let me know as my husband and I have been wanting to adopt since we have not been able to have a baby on our own. If you want to ask questions feel free to contact me and if you need anything let me know. Just remember to keep your head up and smile through it all because there will be sunny days again.
Hello Brookie,
I hope that you, the baby and your little one is doing good. Depending on which state you live in there are several things that you can do and that is where I would start if you haven't already. Get state assistance and explain your situation. For example we live in WV and my aunt fell on hard times and lost her job and had three kids to take care of when she went to the wvdhhr and they ended up paying for her utility bills and helped purchase a used car for her to be able to get back and forth to work and take care of the children for doctors apt and so on. If you are still considering adoption please let me know as my husband and I have been wanting to adopt since we have not been able to have a baby on our own. If you want to ask questions feel free to contact me and if you need anything let me know. Just remember to keep your head up and smile through it all because there will be sunny days again.
Hello Brooke we are currently hoping to adopt with ether through fostercare ( we are current fosterparents) or through a open or closed adoption please let me know if you have found a new family for your beautiful blessing
Jrambo8457@gmail.com
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Hello Brooke. I can understand a bit about what you are going through. I am an adult adoptee who was relinquished at 10 months. You seem confused and lost about what you should do. Therefore, my only advice for you is this - be decisive. Do not decide you suddenly want to keep the baby and have that child bounced around in foster care etc while you struggle to make a decision regarding his or her future. This will cause that child nothing but stress and pain. You must reach a firm descision and stick with it. Read about RAD for more info about the effects of this on the child. Keep or relinquish - thats what you need to decide. Not wanting to offend you just wanted to offer you my own viewpoint. Good luck hun and best wishes to you and your family.