Dear Dad,

My best friend, came over tonight, and I talked to her a lot about you. She probably understands me more than anyone in this world. . probably better than I understand myself. She was there through everything. She has been my best friend since the first day of kindergarten, and all the way through college, and even now. Her family took care of me a lot if times growing up and fed me when my adopted mother didn't. I was super lucky to have them. At any rate, she was able to understand why I feel the way I do. I really never did have a parent, not the way they are supposed to be. My adopted father, and my adopted mother's boyfriend just wanted to have sex with me. My adopted mother was crazy, and wasn't very good to me growing up. My step mother only wants me around when it benefits her. My biological mother, is, well. We don't have a lot in common, and she does things that I feel like can be pretty selfish and insensitive. But I feel like you are the first and only chance I have ever had at having a parent. A real one. And I know I am all grown up, and I'm 32, and there is no way that I should need to have a parent. But I feel like I've been searching for you my entire life. I want you as my father so badly, and I don't even think I know how that even works. The most experience I've had with having a father, is giving awkward hugs, in order to avoid an uncomfortable groping. When I think back on my life, I felt so terribly lonely so many times. I remember being in college and sitting alone in the middle of the night, crying silently to myself just feeling like there is no one in this world who will ever love me. And I prayed and prayed that I would find someone. But it was usually someone who just wanted to get me into bed. And I found out so many times over that once a person got what they wanted from you, the love soon disappeared. And so all hope that I had died. I tried to find comfort in the cruel, loveless, greedy solitude of this world. When I found you, it was an answer to 30 years of prayers. If you remember, I had trouble even accepting that it was true. I spent countless hours searching through Facebook pictures, and looking at pictures of you. Comparing features, asking my husband to look a picture of you or my siblings, to see if he believed it. But its true, you here, and you are my Dad, and I can't even put into words what that means to me, because it is all I have ever wanted in this world. And that is what you mean to me. And I don't even know if it is possible to have a Dad when you are this old, or how a Dad is supposed to be, but I'm hoping you can show me. And I say a prayer every day, that one day I really will have a chance to have you in my life in that way.