End of a deep friendship

Im a 27 year old guy,adopted, just come out of an on and off relationship with another guy. It was full of ups and downs. I found that I wanted to get close and then would do everything to break it off, like I couldn't believe it could be good. I was self destructive I think. I think also he might have been avoidant. I wonder how everyone gets through these times? Found myself calling, texting, last message from him was something like 'please just stop it' said something in the one before like 'we both want different things from conversation, i dont see a reason to try'. This happened because I said something like I was leaving, and his response was 'yes that fine' and then I said not contact me, and he said 'yes thats fine too' It felt like he didn't care, I couldn't tell, which then led to me exploding, and now I've heard nothing from him, Im devastated and I just cant live.