So we're at my DD's (TT) first families house a while ago and to give a bit of back story TT was adopted from foster care. She's my husband's, best friends, grandchild biologically. So when our friends daughter lost her children to CPS we ended up with TT and it went all the way to adoption. My husbands friend's wife, TT's (gigi) not bio related (step gma) but gma none the less, was herself adopted (kinship). Gigi is my best friend. We're like sisters.
Well we're over there and my nephew (bff nephew obviously not blood related) says, I'm adopted too! His mother (My bff / TT's GiGi) says you are NOT adopted. You are 100% my child. She went on to point out how he's really hers and the differences between him and my daughter. Not that there isn't there is, it's reality and it should be shared and acknowledged. I was bothered and still am obviously by her statement and the tone of it as if adoption lessened the percentage of love or bond with a parent (could have been my perception as an Amom). Her statement had it come at a different developmental stage for TT could have been very damaging. Lord help her if she made my child think she was anything less than 100% mine or that my love, her dads love, her first parents love was anything less than 100%.
She's an adoptee (truly horrific situation) hence why she wanted their grandchildren adopted by people she truly knew, not just some random family member. DH's have been friends for 25+ years. I imagine because she disconnected (partially)from her adoptive mother and rightfully so (woman is nuts), that it's partially what causes these views. The damage her Amom did was horrific. I didn't know mental child abuse fully until I became friends/family with a victim. It's horrible, so I understand her points, I truly do.
But I am worried that her statements will someday impact TT in a negative way. I'm going to talk to her about it when I'm rational and I've given it time. This happened over 4th of July weekend or a bit earlier maybe and I'm still trying to "gain perspective". I was surprised after asking me to adopt and being so thrilled with TT's adoption that she would put such a negative (in my perspective) spin on adoption to her son.
I re-educated my nephew telling him that he is adopted by Me & his Nana Kim (another family friend) how we love him like family and he is family to us. How he's adopted in that way (which he was thrilled with) he wanted to be adopted. He was jealous that TT had this special thing she was. I thought it was adorable. Since I know she wont get the good prideful feelings about adoption forever. Clearly at some point she'll connect the losses but I thought it was sweet and a missed opportunity to educate a young kid on adoption who may prove to be open to discussing adoption with others. Especially considering that his mother was adopted and his 9 nieces and nephews.
Sorry for the long rant. Still trying to process how I feel about it. I'm not "mad" at her. I'm not sure how I feel, but I feel "unresolved" with the whole thing and I'm just A type enough that I have to mentally wrap my head around it and reconcile it before I move on and I just haven't.
Thanks for making it to the end!