Advice on searching in NYC

In short, no, his name change would not be accessible.Adoptees in NY, which is a closed-record state, do not have access to their own original birth certificates, or their adoption paperwork. Nobody else does, either. If he was 4 or so when his name was changed, he may not remember his original last name. Based on what he was told, growing up, he may not realize he was adopted, and that the father he remembers is not his biological dad...

Sorry, another double-post...

Thank you for the info. It seems I may have actually found Joan and Daniel. Found a string of things yesterday that all add up and if I'm wrong it's extremely uncanny. And yes, I have thought very much about the chance that he may not even know... I plan to try to contact Joan first because of that. I just have to think now about how and pray that she is receptive. Thanks again!

Wow. If you've got the right people, that's terrific news! I don't want to tell you what to do... but I do want to ask you to consider reaching out directly to Daniel. There are lots of things that could derail an adoptee's (and even a stepparent adoptee's) reunion with biological family. Having others involved from the get-go is one of them. If Joan decides to obstruct your contact with Daniel, then what? If her relationship with your father went/ended badly, she might have a lot of negative emotion rise to the surface when you make contact. If she feels guilt or shame or anger or fear or... well, any of those things, she could communicate that to her son. But basically, what it boils down to is, your brother's the one you want to reach. Not Joan. So reach out to him directly. He's an adult, so it seems to me that he should be the one to decide how he feels about your discovery of who and where he is at this point. Either way you go, I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you. I'm so unsure of what to do. Just afraid of turning his world upside down. I appreciate your input so much. I am definitely afraid of the possibility that Joan would react negatively, as she did not want my father to have any connection with him. I think I will try to read some more on other folks stories and reunions and think it all over.

Give it some thought. I can totally understand the desire to reach out NOW NOW NOW, now that you've found him. But taking a little time to sort out how to reach out, and what you most want to say in your first contact, can be helpful. Think about what you most want to say, in case you only get one chance at contact... maybe jot a few ideas down (even if you plan to call, writing down your thoughts can help you organize them)... Everyone's experience is different, of course, because it involves different people. But I can say that having your world turned upside down isn't always a bad thing - some people take it quite well. I found 3 sisters (maternal half-sisters, technically), who were completely unaware that I existed. When I reached out to my aunt, she asked me to give her a little time to break the news to them. The night she did, I got late-night emails from 2 of the 3, and I heard from the 3rd before she went to work the next morning. All mentioned their shock, but also mentioned that they were excited to find out they had a 4th sister. I got extremely lucky, I know. Not all people would react that way. The point is, he doesn't know about you - it might rock his world to find out, but you'll never know whether he takes it well or not until you reach out... As for your father... I don't know if he's still in the picture. One thing I'd say is that you should likely handle the reunion with your own self + your brother in mind. If he wants to talk about/to your father, you can start a link between them, but don't bring him into the situation on your own. Create your own link with your brother. Don't push it to spread from there. (Especially since you don't know what he's heard about your father over the years, but you know there was bad blood at the time of the divorce...)

Thank you. I sent a letter to him this week. After reading through a lot of other people's posts I kept it pretty simple, explained who I was looking for and that that person was my brother. Told him basic info about myself and sister and felt I should tell him that our father passed 5 years ago. Was unsure on that but felt if I didn't say it up front it might give him false hope... And now I wait... Thanks so much for your input!

Thank you. I sent a letter to him this week. After reading through a lot of other people's posts I kept it pretty simple, explained who I was looking for and that that person was my brother. Told him basic info about myself and sister and felt I should tell him that our father passed 5 years ago. Was unsure on that but felt if I didn't say it up front it might give him false hope... And now I wait... Thanks so much for your input!

Waiting for a response was tough. I hope you hear back soon. Good luck!

Just wanted to let you know I received an email last night from my brother. He thanked me for writing to him and wants to continue contact. I'm over the moon. Thank you for your help!

I'm smiling for you. Good luck going forward :)