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Hello all,
I placed my daughter June of 1988. My daughter just turned 26 two months ago. We did not get off with a good start . When we did start writing letters I wrote some things about her parents marriage not being right and my bdaughter just dropped everything after that. I got super religious and started rebuking everyone for their sin in remarrying and stupid me I remarried myself.
So I ruined it all not only for myself and my birthdaughter, but also for my mother.
I just think things would have been so much better had I just kept my stupid mouth shut!
I have tried writing my bdaughter but I get no responce. Two years ago she wrote me on facebook and just wanted to know two things: what was the name of her biological father and what diseases/health condition were there she needed to know about so she could have some peace in her heart.
Every once in a while I'll get something from her on facebook (like once every year or two) but other than that it's nothing and it's my fault. If only I had not burned my bridges things would be different.
So where do I go from here? What do I do? I told them over two years ago that I wasn't going to write another letter.
I am writing a book ; a memoir about my life and about the adoption, hoping that I could reach out to others who are hurting. I also plan to make up some gift baskets for unwed mothers at the crisis pregnancy center. Maybe start a support group for birthmothers.
Any suggestions?
birthmom Texas
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This is very interesting to read. I am 24 years out. My reunion lasted 1 year - nothing more. I am also writing poems and want to publish. Hoping to help others as well. Also, I am in the beginning stages of starting a birth parent support group in my area. I agree with the other reply. You need to make sure she knows the door is open and really that's all you can do! Allow God to work in your life and hers. Waiting is the hardest thing! Good luck!
Perhaps cross post this on the Adoptee's forum and see if you get some perspective from people in your daughters shoes.
My only thought, this is from one mother to another, is to write yet one more letter. Even if you said that you wouldn't two years ago. You should apologize, explain that you weren't in a good place and that you've faced your own issues that you don't judge anyone and you're sorry for judging her parents marriage. Tell her that you'd like to start over and that you're in a good place now and that you are open to whatever contact she is comfortable with.
Clearly you realize that attacking her parents marriage was a bad idea, being critical of anything at that stage of reunion seems a bit "forward". AP's have marriage problems like everyone else. We all have issues. I think sending that message will give you the best chance of a relationship with her. Good luck dear, do the support group thing. You can't support first families enough.
Thank you wrking21, I have already done all that you mentioned. I've written her several letters since that first time I blabbed. The door is shut and I have to move on. Her Amom said maybe when she has a baby. I can only hope. How stupid I was to attack her parent's marriage. I was in the mental hospital at the time thinking that I had to preach to everyone. Stupid, stupid me. I can not write her again. It's over or I have to move on like its over otherwise I can't live with myself. I think I may have hurt her deeply by this because I was more concerned about correcting her parent's marriage than I was reuniting with her. I'll tell her the door is open but it's like I'm talking to someone who doesn't exist on facebook. I write her every once in a while just to see what she's up to but most of the time she doesn't respond.
BMTexas
Thank you wrking21, I have already done all that you mentioned. I've written her several letters since that first time I blabbed. The door is shut and I have to move on. Her Amom said maybe when she has a baby. I can only hope. How stupid I was to attack her parent's marriage. I was in the mental hospital at the time thinking that I had to preach to everyone. Stupid, stupid me. I can not write her again. It's over or I have to move on like its over otherwise I can't live with myself. I think I may have hurt her deeply by this because I was more concerned about correcting her parent's marriage than I was reuniting with her. I'll tell her the door is open but it's like I'm talking to someone who doesn't exist on facebook. I write her every once in a while just to see what she's up to but most of the time she doesn't respond.
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Thank you wrking 21,I have to move on and quit bugging her. We are not friends on facebook. We just exchange a few words every once in a while. I think I feel like just disappearing somewhere on the other side of the Earth-just loose myself in being busy. I wonder if when we ever make it to heaven if they'll be a seperate place from birthmothers to keep us from mingling with our adopted out children. I hate life sometimes and just don't want to continue. My X husband divorced me after I became mentaly ill and took our four children from me. I really just want to die sometimes. This madness just never stops. I'm sick of it.
Thank you wrking 21,
I have to move on and quit bugging her. We are not friends on facebook. We just exchange a few words every once in a while. I think I feel like just disappearing somewhere on the other side of the Earth-just loose myself in being busy. I wonder if when we ever make it to heaven if they'll be a seperate place from birthmothers to keep us from mingling with our adopted out children. I hate life sometimes and just don't want to continue. My X husband divorced me after I became mentaly ill and took our four children from me. I really just want to die sometimes. This madness just never stops. I'm sick of it.
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