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Hi all,
We're in Oregon, and are working to adopting adopt a teenager through foster care, although we plan to provide respite in the meantime.
As far as I know we're just waiting on CW to send us our Home Study for approval. She's on vacation this week, but before leaving told us to "get the bedroom ready", since we had been using it as a den.
I've been agonizing over how to set it up, since I imagine a teen would prefer significant say in their room. I've considered putting the Aerobed in there until our child can pick out something, but worry that looks like we don't care about the respite kiddos. It's a nice bed, and what all our guests have used.
Do you think an Aerobed is acceptable for respite stays? I also have an antique, hand-carved bed passed down from my great-grandmother, but I'm pretty sure I'll be sticking that in storage, ha.
Are there any other things you'd suggest in prepping for a teen? I'd like the room to feel welcoming but again, have the child be able to pick out what they want.
No to the air bed. Here they are not allowed but (JMO) I think it would be tacky to put that in a room you are providing for a child.
Probably the minority here on my thoughts but I would just buy a bed. We chose neutral when purchasing and got a nice captains bed with a head board and drawers under.
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Get a twin mattress set for like 100 (most mattress places have them) then buy an inexpensive frame off craigslist that will work for now and once your forever child comes if they like it great if not resell on craigslist and go buy them something they do like
Maybe I'm old school, but I figure kids get to choose furniture when they're old enough to buy it themselves. Should you ask their opinion if they're there and you're buying something for them? Sure. But I'd get something study and neutral for a bed and dresser, then allow your forever teen to personalize the room by choosing a new comforter, posters, curtains, and the like.
Don't wait to let them pick it out...they will think it's theirs and it will leave when they do. As for the antique...not unless you want it destroyed.
Go buy a simple twin bed, headboard & a dresser.
When the teen comes, you can have him/her pick out a comforter and sheet set to personalize the room. The bed and dresser are more "framework" for them to personalize. I would have a basic, neutral bedspread and sheets on the bed until you have a placement.
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Just my two cents, but I would not use an aerobed. They are fine for guests, but I wouldn't do that with foster/adoptive kiddos. They may take it like they're not important enough for a "real" bed. I wouldn't use your antique bed though, as it may get destroyed. I would just get a regular bed and let them pick out the comforter, posters, and stuff to make it their own.
Are there any other things you'd suggest in prepping for a teen?
I don't know whether or not you will think this is relevant, but I will share a tidbit of my story incase it helps. The second time I was put in foster care, I was 16. A few things that helped me when I arrived at my foster home were: my FM had a hygiene package for me (with deodorant, tampons, pads, a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, hair ties, a washcloth, and a bar of soap) which helped a LOT because there was no way in heck I would have asked a stranger for tampons, etc. It may sound small, but it was HUGE to me. For one thing, it eased my stress of how I was going to get those things without asking a stranger for them, and for two, I wasn't allowed to have any of those things in my birth home so I was literally excited to get that stuff. Another good thing was telling me some of the things that I needed to hear and stuff I WAS allowed to do (which most people take for granted). Examples: she explained things like I could use the bathroom anytime I wanted (I wasn't allowed to use the bathroom after 7pm at home), take a shower whenever I wanted (I was only allowed 1 cold shower a week at home), get in the fridge whenever I was hungry (our fridge, freezer, and pantry had paddle locks on them), and that my bedroom was safe and I would be the only one in there at night (it's not fun trying to stay awake all night incase your mom's friends or boyfriends decide to come in), and that nobody would hurt me (I got hit for anything I did, and many things I didn't). Although it took a month or so to believe it, it did help a lot to hear it. (I kept wondering at first if she was trying to trick me to have an excuse to hurt me).
Anyway, most people don't think about those things, but maybe it would help ease their minds to just put it out there.
We have the room set up in neutral colors, we never know if we'll be getting a boy or girl. Very little art work on the walls. Then as they get comfortable we let them pick out stuff for their walls on their own, that we buy for them to keep. Food seems to be a big issue with most teens we let them know the can eat whatever they want unless it's tied up in a shopping bag. We also make sure they know what shelf has the microwaveable food so they can help themselves.
We will be starting to pack a hygiene bag for both the girls and boys. Thank you malynn for that advice.
Here we were required to have a permanent bed (no air mattress or day beds) and a dresser at minimum. The bed had to be outfitted with two sheets, pillow, a blanket and bedspread/quilt. We went with all neutral black and white bedding with a plain frame and mattress set, and let M choose a bedspread as soon as she moved in. For dresser, we went with a cheap 9 cube storage cubby, something we would not freak about getting destroyed and that could be replaced with more permanent furniture once we knew the needs of the child. She got her "real" furniture this summer.
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Put whatever furniture you want in there -practical and good quality, but on the cheaper end. We haven't had teens, yet, but have had a lot of 'older' kids and furniture gets gouged, scratched, dented, drawn on, etc.
I'd wait and see what the teen has when they arrive. They may come with stuff to put up on their walls (a couple of our kids did) or they may not have any stuff at all (most of our kiddos) If they come with very few items, a great bonding experience is being able to take them out for a few posters etc or having them talk about what they like and surprising them with a few posters etc. You could also let them know that you don't have an issue with them changing the paint color etc providing they purchase the paint, paint the room, and clean up after themselves. We've found that the 'freedom' of being allowed to do that to their room solidifies the room as 'theirs' and thereby helps them feel part of the family, it teaches character and hard work, and gives them pride in their hard work and perseverence as they are able to see their hard work multiple times a day when they have finished.
We had a kid change their paint color a couple times during their time with us. He worked hard each time to purchase paint and materials. Maybe he'll grow up to be a painter!
Put whatever furniture you want in there -practical and good quality, but on the cheaper end. We haven't had teens, yet, but have had a lot of 'older' kids and furniture gets gouged, scratched, dented, drawn on, etc.
I'd wait and see what the teen has when they arrive. They may come with stuff to put up on their walls (a couple of our kids did) or they may not have any stuff at all (most of our kiddos) If they come with very few items, a great bonding experience is being able to take them out for a few posters etc or having them talk about what they like and surprising them with a few posters etc. You could also let them know that you don't have an issue with them changing the paint color etc providing they purchase the paint, paint the room, and clean up after themselves. We've found that the 'freedom' of being allowed to do that to their room solidifies the room as 'theirs' and thereby helps them feel part of the family, it teaches character and hard work, and gives them pride in their hard work and perseverence as they are able to see their hard work multiple times a day when they have finished.
We had a kid change their paint color a couple times during their time with us. He worked hard each time to purchase paint and materials. Maybe he'll grow up to be a painter!
I'm in the process of adopting through foster care, and in the room I have, I did buy an actual twin bed (mattress, box springs, frame). I also had some "spare" furniture in the form of an old dresser that my brother left after he moved out of state, a chair from Ikea, and a small bookshelf in the closet for additional storage.
My assumption is that once I have a child placed (I'm also looking to adopt an older kid), then they can decorate (posters, paint, etc.) and pick out new/additional furniture when they are ready.
I'm in the process of adopting through foster care, and in the room I have, I did buy an actual twin bed (mattress, box springs, frame). I also had some "spare" furniture in the form of an old dresser that my brother left after he moved out of state, a chair from Ikea, and a small bookshelf in the closet for additional storage.
My assumption is that once I have a child placed (I'm also looking to adopt an older kid), then they can decorate (posters, paint, etc.) and pick out new/additional furniture when they are ready.
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Mallynn
A few things that helped me when I arrived at my foster home were: my FM had a hygiene package for me (with deodorant, tampons, pads, a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, hair ties, a washcloth, and a bar of soap) which helped a LOT because there was no way in heck I would have asked a stranger for tampons, etc. It may sound small, but it was HUGE to me. For one thing, it eased my stress of how I was going to get those things
So heartbreaking (((hugs)))
rogueflwrchld
You could also let them know that you don't have an issue with them changing the paint color etc providing they purchase the paint, paint the room, and clean up after themselves.
And tell them not to write or draw on the walls. You would think that's a no brainer but it happened.