New Adoptive Family Wants No Contact

I totally think you should try to re-adopt her. First of all, it is what is best for her. There is no place better for her than with her natural mom.Second, if you don't then you will regret it for the rest of your life. And you will have to tell her one day that you didn't attempt to get her back when it might have been possible.Third, it doesn't sound like the open adoption will last. These people have decided that they want a different type of parenting experience. And let me tell you...people don't just change their minds about that so easily. It is often a reflection of who they are. A very large percentage of adoptive parents don't want contact from the first family, and that includes adoptive parents who promised contact in order to secure the adoption.Forth, maybe it wouldn't be too hard. If the current adoptive parents have not yet been TPRed then they can simply sign adoption papers giving her to you. You can get a home study done, and then go to court with them. Maybe you can promise them continued contact with their daughter, something the other couple would likely not give.I can't begin to imagine that your daughter wouldn't much rather be adopted by you than by the foster parents. She is not ambivalent--she almost certainly would jump up and down for the opportunity to be reunited with her biological family.Finally, please understand that the foster parents are almost certainly aware that you would love to have her back. They are fearful of you trying to reclaim her. That's why they won't let you see her, and that is why they almost certainly won't allow for an open adoption. People who think this way usually don't change.

I totally think you should try to re-adopt her. First of all, it is what is best for her. There is no place better for her than with her natural mom. Second, if you don't then you will regret it for the rest of your life. And you will have to tell her one day that you didn't attempt to get her back when it might have been possible. Third, it doesn't sound like the open adoption will last. These people have decided that they want a different type of parenting experience. And let me tell you...people don't just change their minds about that so easily. It is often a reflection of who they are. A very large percentage of adoptive parents don't want contact from the first family, and that includes adoptive parents who promised contact in order to secure the adoption. Forth, maybe it wouldn't be too hard. If the current adoptive parents have not yet been TPRed then they can simply sign adoption papers giving her to you. You can get a home study done, and then go to court with them. Maybe you can promise them continued contact with their daughter, something the other couple would likely not give. I can't begin to imagine that your daughter wouldn't much rather be adopted by you than by the foster parents. She is not ambivalent--she almost certainly would jump up and down for the opportunity to be reunited with her biological family. Finally, please understand that the foster parents are almost certainly aware that you would love to have her back. They are fearful of you trying to reclaim her. That's why they won't let you see her, and that is why they almost certainly won't allow for an open adoption. People who think this way usually don't change.

That's a hard one, if this foster parent doesn't want to have an open adoption. She's not even her mom legally, since she gave her daughter up. She doesn't have to have an open adoption with her at all . This I couldn't imagine . I'm mad thinking her daughters been in foster homes for at least 2 years and nobody even told her.

I have contacted the worker, she said call a lawyer. Noone except for the original ap's and my original adoption worker is willing to work with me. I will have to check and see if they signed a tpr yet. Trouble is i dont qualify for pro bono and my guy wants arround 50,000. I want to fight for her though. Im so broken right now. My poor girl shouldnt have to endure this. I have her to them so that she would have a better life, not end up in foster care like i did.

Foster parents can't talk to you without the worker's permission. I'm not saying they want to but aren't because of regulations, but them not talking to you does not necessarily mean they want nothing to do with you; they can't talk to anyone due to confidentiality rules. You are right that in a perfect world you should have been notified. The way that works in reality is that the parents are asked about relatives when a child is taken into care, and the caseworker can only talk to people they know about. If her aparents didn't given the caseworker your name and contact information, they wouldn't have been able to contact you.What is possible depends on a lot of things. Even if aparents rights have not been terminated, they cannot simply sign papers for you to adopt her, because the state currently has custody. That means the state makes placement decisions. If the caseworker won't talk to you, try talking to a supervisor. You may be able to get approved to take her as a kinship or fictive kin placement, but part of that depends on a lot of things. Again, try the supervisor; if the supervisor won't talk to you, go up the chain of command. You may also want to try posting on the relative adoptions space in the adoptive parents forum or in the foster care forum, as there are folks who have adopted relatives from foster care who have experience working with that system.

Foster parents can't talk to you without the worker's permission. I'm not saying they want to but aren't because of regulations, but them not talking to you does not necessarily mean they want nothing to do with you; they can't talk to anyone due to confidentiality rules. You are right that in a perfect world you should have been notified. The way that works in reality is that the parents are asked about relatives when a child is taken into care, and the caseworker can only talk to people they know about. If her aparents didn't given the caseworker your name and contact information, they wouldn't have been able to contact you. What is possible depends on a lot of things. Even if aparents rights have not been terminated, they cannot simply sign papers for you to adopt her, because the state currently has custody. That means the state makes placement decisions. If the caseworker won't talk to you, try talking to a supervisor. You may be able to get approved to take her as a kinship or fictive kin placement, but part of that depends on a lot of things. Again, try the supervisor; if the supervisor won't talk to you, go up the chain of command. You may also want to try posting on the relative adoptions space in the adoptive parents forum or in the foster care forum, as there are folks who have adopted relatives from foster care who have experience working with that system.

I I understand that. I'm pretty clear on not having any rights as I am first mother. I'm saying she should discuss with her lawyer and if she can't 're adopt, she should at least have the lawyer attempt to negotiate an open adoption. She wasn't notified the child was in careers because as far as the government is concerned, we don't exist and adopted children were birthed by their adoptive parents.

I think you need to get a home study done ASAP. Have that in your hand when you seek to adopt. You need that completely taken care of so that when ever you need to move on something....you can move quickly. You don't want there to be a situation where the PAPs are pushing to adopt, while you are not even yet qualified to do so.It isn't clear whether the original APs have any say in this, or can simply sign papers. The laws probably vary from state to state. I am guessing that the state would like to TPR them, in order to stop paying foster parent fees. If the current APs are willing to sign over to you, then I think the state may be eager to move forward with that.Finally, don't let anyone tell you that your daughter's first choice wouldn't be to reunite with you. Of course it would be. Biology matters and the bond between natural mother and child is sacred. It would probably be a dream come true for her if you re-adopted her.

I think you need to get a home study done ASAP. Have that in your hand when you seek to adopt. You need that completely taken care of so that when ever you need to move on something....you can move quickly. You don't want there to be a situation where the PAPs are pushing to adopt, while you are not even yet qualified to do so. It isn't clear whether the original APs have any say in this, or can simply sign papers. The laws probably vary from state to state. I am guessing that the state would like to TPR them, in order to stop paying foster parent fees. If the current APs are willing to sign over to you, then I think the state may be eager to move forward with that. Finally, don't let anyone tell you that your daughter's first choice wouldn't be to reunite with you. Of course it would be. Biology matters and the bond between natural mother and child is sacred. It would probably be a dream come true for her if you re-adopted her.

This does not vary between states. Adopting from foster care is not the same as private adoption; the state has all the say in who adopts, and there are laws/ rules/ guidelines that they have to follow as well. While some laws do vary between states, the fact that the legal parents do not have custody, and therefore have lost the right to make choices for the child, does not. They have not lost rights to the child, but they have lost (while the state has custody, before TPR) the right to make choices. Because the state is the custodian of every child in foster care, they need to be the ones to vet the potential adoptive parents, so a private homestudy will not be helpful. They are also the only ones who get to decide who gets information and who gets visits; if the foster parents gave the OP any information or allowed visits, they would be violating this child's confidentiality and the state's rules for foster parents. The OP could become licensed as a foster parent, but depending on the state's rules and how slow a process it is in that area, that may or may not be any help. I'm not trying to start or engage in an argument. However, in addition to being an AP and a foster parent, I am a clinical counselor and do significant work with local, tribal, and national child welfare organizations. I do know what I am talking about with this, and I would hate to see the OP spend time and energy jumping through hoops that are not at all helpful, when that time could be spent more helpfully. The only ones who will be able to completely steer you right are the state workers. It may seem that they are not interested in talking to you, but that is only one possibility. Caseworkers are extremely overworked, and when someone "pops up" late in a case, they may believe that person was not really very interested. The more you push, the more likely you are to be heard. That may mean getting a lawyer (by the way, if someone is telling you they want $50,000, I would look elsewhere. Many lawyers will do free consultations, and for a small fee the state bar association can give you referrals to lawyers who may be useful. Even having a lawyer call CPS representing you can make you more likely to be heard, and should not cost you $50k). You can also talk to the state ombudsman's office and ask for help; that is a great resource. The other thing you should know is that, at a certain age, children in foster care have to consent to the adoption. What that age is varies by state; where I am it is 10. This may or may not work in your favor. She has been living with these foster parents for potentially a couple of years, and she may have bonded very strongly with them. You are also her mother, and it sounds like she probably does remember you. She should (and hopefully will) have a say in what happens, and she may or may not want to be with you vs. where she is now. Keep talking to everyone you can at the state, and get a lawyer. I actually did have a client who was able to adopt a biological child when that child was in foster care, and I have another who likely will soon, so it can happen. Both were given placement as fictive kin (which seems odd, as biological relatives, but they could not be considered a relative placement because they were no longer legally related). It has not been an easy road for either of them, but they kept pushing caseworkers, supervisors, ombudsman's office, and anyone else who would answer their phones. Feel free to PM me if I can help steer you toward organizations that might be helpful, or if I can provide any other information.

I would think that having a home study done, so she is established as being ready to adopt, would be helpful. It also gives her the ability to move as quickly as needed.If the child has some say, then I think that is a good thing. She may have bonded with the foster parents, but the odds are high that the child will choose to be with her biological mother and sister if at all possible.

I would think that having a home study done, so she is established as being ready to adopt, would be helpful. It also gives her the ability to move as quickly as needed. If the child has some say, then I think that is a good thing. She may have bonded with the foster parents, but the odds are high that the child will choose to be with her biological mother and sister if at all possible.

I have contacted the supervisor, she has stated that she cannot help me. I have a friend making a few calls for me trying to get someone to listen. Not sure if ive mentioned that she may have RAD. I think its partly because of the adoption. She does know me according to the original ap's i saw her every year for 5 years. She would run to me with a big smile. I should clairify that 50k is the estimate for the case, he has consulted me quite a bit already. I contacted my local social services and they said if i can get a referal from aocial services they will start the homestudy, and for free. Just gotta get the referral. I feel for these people, i do. But, that doesnt mean they can get my dd, and cut her off from us. Its not right. Shes not a baby. Shes 9. She knows her sister and my husband.

I think you should move as quickly as possible to have the home study done. It's better to have that in the bank, and in your hand, when you move forward.I don't think you need to spend 50K for an adoption from foster care. In the end, I think the important thing is to stay on it. Seek contact with her and let her know that you want to be her mom. Her opinion will probably weigh on social services.And don't let anyone brainwash you into believing that you are in any way being selfish. What you are trying to do is loving and beautiful. I pray that you will be successful.

I think you should move as quickly as possible to have the home study done. It's better to have that in the bank, and in your hand, when you move forward. I don't think you need to spend 50K for an adoption from foster care. In the end, I think the important thing is to stay on it. Seek contact with her and let her know that you want to be her mom. Her opinion will probably weigh on social services. And don't let anyone brainwash you into believing that you are in any way being selfish. What you are trying to do is loving and beautiful. I pray that you will be successful.