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If you are part of an open adoption, what do you do when you disagree with your child's adoptive parents' parenting techniques or style?
Dear adoptadmin,
I went thru the extraordinary frustrating login exercise now required to post on the forum in order to respond to your question. I will be responding with a few questions of my own:
1) What is your personal connection with adoption?
2) Are you Male or Female?
3) Are you based in Rexburg or India?
4) how hard is it to come up with a nickname that will help us relate to you? As Dickons pointed out in a earlier post on a different thread you ignored, Adoptadmin is a title not a name...
5) I understand and even appreciate the attempt to get a conversation going on a dying board, but it seems that responding to some of the concerns posted over the past several weeks would go even further to reaching that goal.
Thanks!
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I'd like to second Paige's post. Dickons posted the same thing on the adoptee board as well. Some of those things would be good to know. There has always been a personal connection on this board to even the moderators and you're losing that.
As for the actual question.... I think I'm one of the VERY few mother's involved in an open adoption around here these days.
I talk to my mom and to my boyfriend and leave it at that. I have no right to say anything about their parenting style. If it was abusive, I could try to report it, but I would probably be considered a hostile reporter and disregarded.
Open adoption is a tricky balance for everyone. Parents who have placed their children into open adoptions need to be very careful because we are acutely aware that we could be completely shut out of our child's life at any moment and have no recourse.
I'd like to second Paige's post. Dickons posted the same thing on the adoptee board as well. Some of those things would be good to know. There has always been a personal connection on this board to even the moderators and you're losing that.
As for the actual question.... I think I'm one of the VERY few mother's involved in an open adoption around here these days.
I talk to my mom and to my boyfriend and leave it at that. I have no right to say anything about their parenting style. If it was abusive, I could try to report it, but I would probably be considered a hostile reporter and disregarded.
Open adoption is a tricky balance for everyone. Parents who have placed their children into open adoptions need to be very careful because we are acutely aware that we could be completely shut out of our child's life at any moment and have no recourse.
Unfortunately, most women who have a child in an open adoption prefer to express their feelings and thoughts about the adoptive parents parenting styles, etc.on closed forums where they feel safe. I did not have an open adoption (although since my son was 31 and I found him through this site, the relationship has been very open.) and I cannot share what the others share in closed groups. (It's against their TOS and adoption.com's)
Paige, it's good to see you on here. Belle, I miss being a mod but there was little going on in the birthmother threads anymore so I wasn't on the site enough to mod.
paigeturner
Dear adoptadmin,
I went thru the extraordinary frustrating login exercise now required to post on the forum in order to respond to your question. ...
...Adoptadmin is a title not a name...
Still loving the login exercise too, on any and every browser, Not.
Adoptadmin - yeah, it's like communicating with The Man.
No one I know is wild about communication for any reason with The Man.
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Hi everyone,
It appears that I haven't given a proper introduction of myself. I recently moved to Idaho and only started working for adoption.com three weeks and two days ago. My interpretation of my forum role was that I was supposed to represent the company, as a whole, as "adoption admin". After I read this thread and Dickon's message this morning, and talked to my team, I realize now that I can be more personal. I'm actually much more comfortable with this, since I'm a warm and open person in general. I will still have the header of Adoption Admin because that is my role, but I am happy to tell you a little more about myself.
I am a 30 year old female who is married to the love of my life. He is the kindest person I have ever known, and for this, I feel fortunate every day of my life. We haven't been able to have children yet and I am very compassionate for those who struggle with fertility. We still hope to conceive with treatments, but also want to adopt as soon as we are financially able (he is a student and I work to support him). I have always wanted to adopt, even before I knew of the fertility issues.
I have adopted family members and a brother who fosters children. His foster kids have become like family members to my entire family. I have loved all of them and understand not being able to help the attachment, even if your heart knows they can not stay forever. His most recent foster siblings placed with his friend. Its been is a great blessing to still be able to see the girls. They are doing remarkably.
Prior to this role, I have been a high school teacher and have the point of view from an educators standpoint of both foster and adopted children in the classroom. I love kids, which lead me to my role at adoption.com.
I hope that helps to see my human side. I hope that you do not see this as an "us vs. admin" thing, because I'm truly an advocate for you. I walked into this thing with all of the forum bugs you are facing. I'm trying to get them fixed and have to be patient for that also. You all are SO WONDERFUL at keeping communication going through this. At times, I will pose questions and links to interesting articles on here as my way of assisting in conversation. If you find value in responding- GREAT! If you have other ideas of something you connect better to, write that. Others, including myself, love to hear your valuable insights. You are amazing people and in your words I can feel your value for family. My family is everything to me, so we will always have that common ground.
If you've read this far, thank you for following this. Now I just got to think of a better name to sign my posts with...:rolleyes:
Hi everyone,
It appears that I haven't given a proper introduction of myself. I recently moved to Idaho and only started working for adoption.com three weeks and two days ago. My interpretation of my forum role was that I was supposed to represent the company, as a whole, as "adoption admin". After I read this thread and Dickon's message this morning, and talked to my team, I realize now that I can be more personal. I'm actually much more comfortable with this, since I'm a warm and open person in general. I will still have the header of Adoption Admin because that is my role, but I am happy to tell you a little more about myself.
I am a 30 year old female who is married to the love of my life. He is the kindest person I have ever known, and for this, I feel fortunate every day of my life. We haven't been able to have children yet and I am very compassionate for those who struggle with fertility. We still hope to conceive with treatments, but also want to adopt as soon as we are financially able (he is a student and I work to support him). I have always wanted to adopt, even before I knew of the fertility issues.
I have adopted family members and a brother who fosters children. His foster kids have become like family members to my entire family. I have loved all of them and understand not being able to help the attachment, even if your heart knows they can not stay forever. His most recent foster siblings placed with his friend. Its been is a great blessing to still be able to see the girls. They are doing remarkably.
Prior to this role, I have been a high school teacher and have the point of view from an educators standpoint of both foster and adopted children in the classroom. I love kids, which lead me to my role at adoption.com.
I hope that helps to see my human side. I hope that you do not see this as an "us vs. admin" thing, because I'm truly an advocate for you. I walked into this thing with all of the forum bugs you are facing. I'm trying to get them fixed and have to be patient for that also. You all are SO WONDERFUL at keeping communication going through this. At times, I will pose questions and links to interesting articles on here as my way of assisting in conversation. If you find value in responding- GREAT! If you have other ideas of something you connect better to, write that. Others, including myself, love to hear your valuable insights. You are amazing people and in your words I can feel your value for family. My family is everything to me, so we will always have that common ground.
If you've read this far, thank you for following this. Now I just got to think of a better name to sign my posts with...:rolleyes:
Had a really well thought out post and forgot to copy and got bumped back to ground zero...sigh...hate my new brain...
It's easy to pick a user name. I picked Dickons because she was my first cat. She got her name because as a stray kitty she followed my friend and her dog into the underground of the apartment building, into the elevator, out and down the hallway and into her apartment and settled right in, as if, to say this is my home. Problem was that her boyfriend was allergic to cats. I was given this bold, gutsy stray kitten and her antics and attitudes fit with her being a little Dickons...(not to be confused with Charles Dickens)...
You can choose something silly like mine - I associate Idaho with Potatoes. Something that identifies your nationality? Something about your favorite hobby or sports, or whatever character you think you fit best.
Now you don't sound like a computer bot. We had no idea you were a different admin than the previous admin or admins - who knows.
Kind regards,
Dickons
AdoptionAdmin,
I was thinking about what and how you would view adoption from your life experiences. And while I'm sure don't believe your experiences are the only ones there are, I thought it might be helpful to give you some ideas of the different attitudes from different eras (you may already know this).
Here is a common attitude from the era I grew up in - a [URL="http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=WYRPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=RAUEAAAAIBAJ&pg=5319,4445312&dq=unwed+mothers&hl=en"]Dear Abby column from 1969[/URL]. It's a scanned copy of the actual newspaper column and the last letter in the column.
This one is from [URL="http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=JbU0AAAAIBAJ&sjid=y2gFAAAAIBAJ&pg=1403,1752415&dq=black+market+adoption&hl=en"]1976 Black Market Babies
[/URL] also the newspaper scanned...
A book written by an adoptee who interviewed mothers from my era. A heartbreaking book that should be read (there is also a documentary linked on the same site). [URL="http://agirllikeher.com/the-book/"]The Girls Who Went Away[/URL] by Ann Fessler.
Kind regards,
Dickons
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Thank you for your messages Dicksons!
I will read the articles. I know that the viewpoint on adoption has greatly evolved over time. Sounds like some interesting reads.
Thank you again,
-Spud :Chewie:
Spud.... Idaho is known for lots of things not just potatoes. It's also the huckleberry mecca!
Wrking21,
Oh, I know far too much about Huckleberry.:cake: The local ice cream shop's huckleberry cheesecake waffle cone is going to be the death of me haha!
I liked Spud. Short and sweet. I always have them on hand, because my husband likes mashed potatoes as much as I like ice cream :)
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