Failed Adoption

This will be my first post, I have been a longtime reader on these forums. Sorry in advance, this will be long and I will still probably leave out some details. A little background on our situation. We completed our home study in June and were soon matched with a prospective birth mom a few weeks later. She met with us and picked us two days later. The catch was.....she said she wasn't sure who prospective birth dad was. She said could have been two guys. She knew neither of their names, basically one night stand situations. Another thing for us to consider was that the baby would be born exposed to methadone. We were ok with the exposure but were worried about the birth father situation. We talked to our agency and they explained that it would be a legal risk but that from the information they had received from birth mom so far they had no reason to doubt her story that she didn't know who the possible birth father was. They would continue to ask her and get as much info as possible but felt comfortable going forward with an unknown birth father. We decided to go for it. The baby was due early August. He came 2 days early. He was very sick and began withdrawing quickly. He ultimately was in the hospital 52 days. I was there everyday, 16-24 hours a day. It was horrible seeing him so sick and also being away from my husband and daughter. B mom signed TPR 72 hours after birth. Everything was looking good, other than being in the hospital. Well, birth dad showed up 5 days after the birth by contacting CPS to report his ex may have had a baby and she was a known drug user. Our agency contacted the possible birth father to see what his intensions were. He said he wanted a DNA test and then he would sign. After several missed apts he finally took the test. This was day 15. The results came back and he was indeed the bio dad. We found out from them both that Birth mom had lied to us about it being a one night stand. They were in a relationship. He broke it off when she got pregnant and told her to have an abortion. He never offered her any support during the pregnancy. After results came in we thought he would sign. He decided he wanted to meet the baby and us and then he would sign. He came to the hospital met baby for 20 mins with us out of the room and then met us. We discussed open adoption - which we also intended to have with birth mom so we were open to an open adoption with him too. He seemed on board. We would set up a time with the adoption lawyer and he would sign. This was day 25. He came again to sign, this time with his mom. She was not very pro-adoption and felt we would not keep up our end of the deal with the open adoption (we live in a closed adoption state). We tried to convince her that was our wishes but she declared, "we won't be signing anything today." Then we heard nothing from them. The day before we were to be released from the hospital we got word from our agency that he filed for custody in his home county. We were crushed but felt we had it bring this baby home. How could we leave him there all alone? Also, we had since learned that the birth father had a DUI conviction, was living with his mom (he is in his 40's), was a drug user too (he told us this), has no job, and has been arrested for domestic violence. We felt that we would stand a good chance of getting custody and continuing the adoption. Plus, we were not sure how serious he really was, he had told us multiple times he could not raise a baby. The first hearing was last Monday and it didn't go well. The judge seemed it have his mind made up before the hearing even started. We had a second hearing today and he gave the birth father custody. We are crushed. We have loved and cared for this very sick baby for months now (he is still on two meds for withdraw that he is being tapered off of). Birth dad has no idea how to administer the meds. Also, with his history of violence I am worried how he will handle the inconsolable crying that still occurs. Birth mom is upset because this is not at all what she wanted. She testified but again, the judge didn't seem to hear her. I don't really have a question, just wanted to add my story in the hopes of helping someone else. I know reading this forum has helped me in various stages of this process. I was really hoping not to have to post on this board though. We will be relinquishing our son to the agency on Wednesday. Please keep my family in your prayers, we need them.