What's he thinking? How would you feel in this situation?

Sadly many do it all the time. I not sure what to make from hear say conversations. You might get lucky and he might tell his wife and kids the truth. Or he could tell them a crazy person is making lies about him . It could go either way.

Not acknowledging you does not mean he has blocked you from his mind. It seems clear that he knows who you are, so it is not that he has blocked you in his mind. He may just be too afraid of the consequences of knowing and openly acknowledging you. His affairs may be well known, but they can be viewed as in the past by him and his family. You would be an ongoing reminder to his family of his unfaithfulness. He may not want to risk their reactions or reprimands. It has only been a short time. He may still come around. It is a lot for him to process in a short tim

L4R, Must have missed your post. I have now talked to him again. Since my call to him (and our first conversation of any kind) a couple months ago, I've tried calling again a couple times, leaving one voicemail. I also sent a couple texts. Keeping everything very light and positive. He was not responding at all. I went to a local counselor who specializes in adoption at all stages. We had a good session and I explained everything to her. She suggested he needed more time, but that I politely needed to make him see that I was serious, and not going away. She advised to tell him that I'd like to meet. So I did. Two days ago I sent him a text saying that I just wanted to meet at least one time. I offered to meet when and where he chose, and have someone else to mediate if he wanted. Not 10 minutes later he texts me with the name and picture of another guy, and that this could be who I'm looking for. I asked him how he knew that, and he called. We talked around 30 minutes. He still denied everything and tried to convince me it was this other guy. (Please keep in mind, everything including my birth mother and 23andme are pointing at this man very specifically.) On the other hand, he said he would be glad to meet with me if I came to his area. I told him I could come next month, he agreed. He said that he would do a DNA test. And then right after, he would say that I should contact this other guy instead. This dance happened a few times. Finally, at the end of the call I confirmed that I would contact him again about a time to meet. The next day I sent him a text about two possible times, he picked one. I said I'd let him know when I booked a flight, and he said ok. So in a couple days, I'll book the flight and tell him the dates I'll be there. I don't see what I have to lose by going to see him next month. I can get there fairly cheap. It just seems hard to believe he is going to meet with me and actually take a DNA test, after denying everything and even trying to point me in another direction. It seems there's a conflict in him. There were very genuine moments in the conversation, and it was very easy to talk to each other when I knew he wasn't lying to me. My birth mother thinks that he's taking the test because he thinks I could be his son, but doesn't want to admit anything yet. I'm sure this must be a very deeply buried secret. I have a million things going through my head right now, but I'll wrap this up.

I just saw your post. I'm glad he's willing to meet you. Let us know how the meeting goes.

Thanks! I'm going in just 2 weeks now. I have no idea what's going to happen, or if he will even show up as promised. However, I think he will.

Secrets are so corrosive both to our personal development and our relationships with others. I hope your bfather shows and is able to move past his past! I so wish my bson had been able to have a relationship with his bdad who unfortunatley died 5 years before I found our bson.

I'm sorry to hear that. I have a half-sister who was also adopted, we met when I was 16. She claims to not care at all about finding her birth father, but I know she really needs it. Some kind of relationship with, or at least knowledge of the birth father is important. He will most likely show up. I am now known to members of his extended family, and he knows that. I don't want him to feel pressured, but I think he realizes this is something that has to be addressed. I'm also in contact with my (probable) half-brother's good friend, who wants to meet me when I go there (birth father doesn't know I have talked to this guy).

Be careful about advising others to seek their biological roots. We don't always like what we find. My biological father turned out to be a cruel and sick man. My very existence, being a product of an incest rape, is evidence of that. For this reason; for what my very existence represents; I will never be fully accepted by him or by the most of the family; because this side of their father is what they wish to deny and try to drown in alcohol. When my little brother found his biological father, that father used him for everything he could get then kicked him to the curb like yesterday's newspaper. Please be careful in advising others. The happy reunions that have been publicized on daytime TV is not the reflection of the totality of the issue. My reuniting with my birth mother was a joyous yet emotional event, and led to a wonderful and close friendship we enjoyed until she passed away. I'm not trying to change the subject, so here goes: I hope your father accepts you. If he does not, remember 2 things: First, you can not control what you can not control and you can not control what others think, feel or choose; and Second, your Father and his choices are not a reflection on you and the kind of person you are; but a reflection on him and the kind of person he is. I have subscribed to this thread and I will be watching and hoping that you find what you are looking for; and that it brings you the peace you seek.

WhereIsJennifer, Thanks for your reply. I agree that sometimes the truth is very painful. Every situation, and every person, is different. To me, the unknown is the ultimate pain. It's just my nature to be insanely curious and want to know the truth, no matter how harsh it may be. I'm sorry for your situation, though I'm glad you had a positive experience reuniting with your birthmother. You said - I would encourage you to keep in mind that reunions such as yours (on the paternal side anyway) are also not the totality of the issue. You should also be wary of discouraging others based on your personal experience.

I just got back from visiting with my assumed birth father today. It was a very interesting trip and I am full of mixed emotions. He did show up to meet me, and in fact, we spent a good 10 hours together yesterday. He was still unwilling to admit knowing my mother, or even ever being in the state where I was conceived. So of course, he did not admit to being my father. I didn't press the issue, and instead just tried to get to know him a little. That worked well. It was a great time, and we had a very easy and natural interaction. There are stunning similarities in our interests and views of life. We visited some of his businesses and he introduced me to several people as his friend visiting from out of state. At the end of the day, he gave me a sample for a 23andme DNA test, which will tell me how we are related even if he isn't my father. He also invited me to his church, and I did go this morning. There, he introduced me to some of his extended family members, and (this shocked me) his wife. Still as a friend visiting from out of state. His wife asked if I had family here, and I had to think quickly to answer that one! Throughout the whole time, he was very warm with me. He refused to let me buy anything, made food for me, gave me some gloves from one of his stores (it was freezing out and I wasn't prepared for that weather). After he took the DNA test, I shook his hand and told him I appreciated him doing it for me, even though he was still claiming that he knew it would show that he's not my father. When I shook his hand, he pulled me to him and hugged me. So, until the test results come back, I'm still left wondering. He insists that there's no way I'm his son, but I just don't know how many people would spend the time he did, and act the way he did, for someone they thought was not their child. I can tell that he's a friendly man who cares about people. So it could be that he just sympathizes with me. Or, he could have just been unwilling or unable to admit anything to me in our first meeting. Perhaps he thinks I could very well be his son but doesn't want to admit anything before a test result proves it. After all, he would be admitting to an affair and a child outside his marriage. No matter what the test shows, it was a worthwhile trip and I'm proud of myself for doing it. It took a lot of courage, traveling all that way not even having a guarantee I wouldn't be shut out or ignored once I got there. I can say that I faced that fear, and that's worth something. Who knows where this will lead... it will be a very long 2-3 weeks waiting on the test results.

You were definitely brave, and Im glad that he followed through on his commitment to meet you. I do think itҒs odd that he introduced you to his family and coworkers. Since he introduced you as a friend, will he ever be wiling to introduce you as his son, or would he keep you a secret? Part of me wonders if he was hoping that someone would remark on the likeness between the two of you. You said that you look exactly like he did when he was a young man. Well, if so, that likeness should still be at least somewhat evident today. So, the similarity may not be as strong as thought, or he may have been hoping to get caught. Have you used one of those online services to search for old addresses? It should be relatively easy to find out if he ever lived in the state. Since he is stating that he never lived in the state, if you could find that he did in fact live there, you would know that he is your father. Youve taken a giant step. I hope things are confirmed one way or the other very soon.

It's so hard to say what his thinking and motivations were, since he is still adamantly denying any chance that I'm his son. But, he sure didn't act like it! There is still resemblance there - but not as striking as when he was young. I don't know if he wanted to "get caught," but going out of his way to introduce me to his wife was something I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I've talked to a dozen people about this and no one can understand why he did it. Even if he's "innocent," why not let the DNA show that first? He had already given me a DNA test before this happened. If he was in Colorado, he was just passing through, or staying with relatives (I did find records of close relatives of his wife's living in the area where I was conceived). My sense is that he is willing to fully acknowledge me, pending a positive DNA test result, and maybe some time to smooth things over as much as possible. Until the results come back, I am really in a state of total confusion and doubt about whether or not I've found the right man.

He was married to his current wife when you were conceived, right?.... Then, if you're the spitting image of the younger version of him, she would have seen it. It is very bizarre. Hope your DNA test results arrive quickly.

How did this go? What are DNA test results?My father refuses to take the DNA test. Probably because he is sure - just like everyone else except his wife - that I am his child. He's name is on my birth certificate, I have his surname, his relatives believe I'm his. But he denies everything, tells me to change my name and keep away from him and all family. I'm 36 now, I just wanted to know my family, meet my half-brother... And he's doing everything he can to stop me – even though everyone else welcomed me warmly. This is awful

I'm an adoptive mom and can't imagine what it would be like to:1- be a birth parent in a closed adoption, then all of a sudden be "found"2- be the adoptee who searches, then finds, but is not welcomed to reuniteOur son, at age 21, found his birth parents with our help. His birth mother was ecstatic. And they met and continue to have a relationship. The birth father - well, we found him, but only through Facebook. And only because we got vital information from the birth mother. Our son has reached out about a half dozen times, but he has been ignored. Of course, he says it doesn't bother him and he doesn't want to know someone "like that" anyway. But I know it must hurt. Even simple acknowledgment would mean the world to him. I know birth parents go on to have lives, and many "put the past behind them." But even if they don't want to include their child in their lives, acknowledgment would go a long way toward understanding and healing - probably for the birth parent as well as the adoptee.Good luck, and please keep us posted!