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Out of the blue yesterday my baby boy started shouting, "I want a daddy". Startled and saddened me. Reassured him and said I'm sorry you don't have a daddy but you have a mommy, uncles, aunts, etc. He kept repeating "I want a daddy"..
Wasn't prepared for it...broke my heart.
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I remember there being a great children's book about how every family is different. I just did a quick search to try and find it and I found SEVERAL options. Maybe a fun little date together to a bookstore or library would cheer him up! Especially if you take him to ice cream or the park afterwards and read the book there :)
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Thanks. No, he wasn't mad about anything. Think its just sinking in.. we talk about families being different all the time. His classroom has a framed photo of every child's family so he has a daily visual of varying families. Prayerfully mommy will meet a great guy and solve the problem....I have hope:-)
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He obviously has a "father" out there somewhere. I don't know the details surrounding his adoption but do you think it would help if you explained that he did have a daddy, even if he doesn't get to know him. Maybe he feels like he wasn't created with a daddy. Perhaps it would help him to know that there is a daddy even if he's unknown.
Sorry you have to deal with this one. Even if you find Mr. Right. I imagine the Daddy thing will resurface.
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wrking, her DS is a little older than my DD so talking about birth father might work for Vernell.
At 2 1/2 years old, it wouldn't help my DD to talk about some abstract person. There are no pictures or real information to share. She just wouldn't understand.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's something I avoid or something I'm holding back. I'm just saying that it wouldn't mean a lot to her as an answer to her question. If she's asking about a father (she's only asked the one time) she's wanting a concrete person to be pointed out to her. At 2 1/2 she doesn't understand that a mother and father create a child so that answer wouldn't satisfy her.
I have to say she's so super smart (IMHO :)) that it won't be any time at all until she has that all figured out.
When she asked "Where's MY Daddy" I actually did try that approach. I could tell she wasn't really processing it. That's okay, though, because it gave me practice answering these types of questions!
Every child has a father but not all have a daddy (IMO). My son's birthmom made her adoption plan alone and did not give any information on a father. That's information that perhaps one day she will provide my son. But, for now she too has chosen no contact. All I can do is be honest in an age appropriate way at all the appropriate times.
No one said parenting would be easy.
My daughter has said the same to me. She wasn't upset, just stated it very calmly. I told her that every family is different. There are lots of families where there isn't a dad present, just like there are some who only have dads, but no moms, only grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., but that everyone in our family loves her and is here for her. She said ok and seemed fine, but does periodically mention "Daddies" in a fantasy like way.
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All adopted kids have to deal with loss in some way or another. The best advice I have got is to just be sad or mad with them. It is sad that other kids have a Dad in their life and he doesn't. And its okay to be sad sometimes.
I just talked to a fantastic single adoptive mom of a 10 year old boy and she told me that sometimes they just cry together when he gets sad about his birth mom or not having a Dad. Bedtime is a great time to talk to your kids. They love the excuse not to go to sleep :)