Region 6 pro permanency/ adoption?

Was it a dumb question? :) I just thought I had heard that TX was a good State to be in as far as getting timely TPR, etc. goes, and for the process not being dragged on forever? I guess I was just hoping for a little encouragement :) .

In general, Texas is good about it, but each individual area is different. And it is still quite possible that you'll have a child for a year or so and still lose them. It just is a TOUGH system. Just for an example or two of good and crazy :1) My kids were removed from home Feb 2011. TPR was in Nov and adoption the next July. Sound good? Well, now back up five years and seven other cases. The kids had bounced back and forth and all around for a total of nine homes by the time we got them in April 2011. They were 3, 4, and 5 at the time and we pay for not only what their bios did but what CPS did every single day. 2) In March 2012, we got a precious baby girl. The following February, following TPR (that took almost 2 years to do though the parents didn't do a single service, mom came to visits high as a kite, etc), exactly two weeks before we could file to intervene, she went to strangers in another state. She was later dx'd with RAD. That isn't surprising as she showed signs of attachment concerns prior (we were her fourth home) and then was ripped from the only home she knew. Fact is that toddlers shouldn't have five homes by the time they are two! The list could go on, of course. My point is just that you are going to get a LOT of drama in this system, even when it works out for you and the children. Just for one more example?My current little guy is the best baby in the world. It is our first time getting one so young (we usually get sibling groups and prefer school-age). His bios have four other children they don't parent (all are in permanent situations, three different situations <sigh>). The bios acted like they cared (I think they do in their own way) for a few weeks and then dropped off the face of the planet. They haven't seen him in two months. Well, now they have come up with some idea that they could place him for private adoption. The judge will decide in December whether to allow that or not. Though moving a five month old probably isn't the worst situation in the world, it isn't necessary. He is already in a home he is adored and loved and safe. Breaking attachments just to do it? WHY? Oh, and get this. If the parents decide not to sign if the judge decides they can't just place him privately, the judge can't just order TPR since they were going to relinquish anyway. They also won't just set it up for TPR for the next month or something. They have to play out the entire case, CPS begging them to visit their son, offering services, offering extra ways for them to do their services, etc. It'll likely be the end of 2015, at best, before we could adopt him.The system is JUST drama, drama, drama. We've had 40ish kids and it is almost always drama. One great part (though it still hurts like nobody's business) is handing children back to the biomom who worked her backside off to get her kids back quickly. I am not trying to discourage you. But I think you should know that this is a roller coaster 95+% of the time. This is not a cheap, easy way to get a baby girl. But you may well get that precious child you are hoping for so badly. And in the meantime, you may get to help some awesome families or at least the children of those families. Every child who has come through here has been loved and treated well. They have progressed like crazy. We do every bit of therapy homework suggested to us. They know they are cherished and they have a great family while here. I have been so incredibly blessed and fortunate to know every child who has come through here. They have touched my life in ways I could never repay. So there are some positives :)

In general, Texas is good about it, but each individual area is different. And it is still quite possible that you'll have a child for a year or so and still lose them. It just is a TOUGH system. Just for an example or two of good and crazy : 1) My kids were removed from home Feb 2011. TPR was in Nov and adoption the next July. Sound good? Well, now back up five years and seven other cases. The kids had bounced back and forth and all around for a total of nine homes by the time we got them in April 2011. They were 3, 4, and 5 at the time and we pay for not only what their bios did but what CPS did every single day. 2) In March 2012, we got a precious baby girl. The following February, following TPR (that took almost 2 years to do though the parents didn't do a single service, mom came to visits high as a kite, etc), exactly two weeks before we could file to intervene, she went to strangers in another state. She was later dx'd with RAD. That isn't surprising as she showed signs of attachment concerns prior (we were her fourth home) and then was ripped from the only home she knew. Fact is that toddlers shouldn't have five homes by the time they are two! The list could go on, of course. My point is just that you are going to get a LOT of drama in this system, even when it works out for you and the children. Just for one more example? My current little guy is the best baby in the world. It is our first time getting one so young (we usually get sibling groups and prefer school-age). His bios have four other children they don't parent (all are in permanent situations, three different situations <sigh>). The bios acted like they cared (I think they do in their own way) for a few weeks and then dropped off the face of the planet. They haven't seen him in two months. Well, now they have come up with some idea that they could place him for private adoption. The judge will decide in December whether to allow that or not. Though moving a five month old probably isn't the worst situation in the world, it isn't necessary. He is already in a home he is adored and loved and safe. Breaking attachments just to do it? WHY? Oh, and get this. If the parents decide not to sign if the judge decides they can't just place him privately, the judge can't just order TPR since they were going to relinquish anyway. They also won't just set it up for TPR for the next month or something. They have to play out the entire case, CPS begging them to visit their son, offering services, offering extra ways for them to do their services, etc. It'll likely be the end of 2015, at best, before we could adopt him. The system is JUST drama, drama, drama. We've had 40ish kids and it is almost always drama. One great part (though it still hurts like nobody's business) is handing children back to the biomom who worked her backside off to get her kids back quickly. I am not trying to discourage you. But I think you should know that this is a roller coaster 95+% of the time. This is not a cheap, easy way to get a baby girl. But you may well get that precious child you are hoping for so badly. And in the meantime, you may get to help some awesome families or at least the children of those families. Every child who has come through here has been loved and treated well. They have progressed like crazy. We do every bit of therapy homework suggested to us. They know they are cherished and they have a great family while here. I have been so incredibly blessed and fortunate to know every child who has come through here. They have touched my life in ways I could never repay. So there are some positives :)

I'm in region 7 but I wouldn't bet on anything being as quick as a few months. Even legally free children must live in your home for 6 months before you can adopt. Texas is one of the "quicker to permanency" states, but quicker could mean 2 years instead of 4. I wouldnt count on anything being as quick as a few months.

Oh, I know it takes more than a few months to actually adopt, I just meant that I hoped you'd know within a few months whether it was (God willing) looking like it was moving in the direction of TPR/ Adoption or not, just so I'd have some ability to kind of prepare myself emotionally? Hope that makes sense? If I know a child isn't mine ( and isn't going to be mine) and I'm just watching her for someone else, then I can plan and adjust to that but if I go on thinking that I can probably adopt her and grow to fiercely love her for two years or so, and then have to give her back......man.....how do you do that?? Just being transparent. I am not sure I can do that. So, how common is that kind of a scenario? Another factor is that my husband and I are both 46, and cannot go on bringing young children into our home forever. If one case takes two years, it's not like we could start over after that.....it would be over for us :( .

Thank you, Pam for all the info and experiences you shared. I am so sorry that your kids were victimized by a system that is supposed to put their best interests first. But, I am glad that they have you, and you have each other :) . As I am reflecting on what you all have written, and all my inner questions and worries about what we are planning to embark on, I am just thinking...This is so scary! I want to help a child, but really if I was totally honest, my desire is to have a daughter of our own. I know I am not at a place in my life where I could just be a foster mom and have kids coming in and out. Not with three young boys, homeschooling them, trying to get them to all their activities, etc. This is becoming so real...we could start to get calls in two or three weeks! I wonder what impact all of this "rollercoastering around" will have on them? It's one thing to put myself on the ride, but to choose this for my kids? It could be an amazing experience for them, but couldn't it also be traumatizing? I have already told them that we will be taking care of someone else's child, and that the child might only stay with us short term. But, how can young kids process that when they live with a virtual sibling for a long time? Some homeschool friends had a foster baby for a short time, and then got placed with siblings that they are adopting. They (and another family I know) had a great story....not perfect...there were still issues of dealing with the system and crazy bios, but it was manageable and it is ending well, and they are going to adopt and get off the roller coaster . I can only hope that if it is meant to be, we'll have an experience that will not wreak too much havoc on my family, and might actually end in a forever daughter/sister. I guess we are actually going to go through with this, but I am scared! Is that normal??

It is tough. Our kids were our second sibling group. And we too are wondering how much longer we can do this 1) because of age and 2) to our children.On that latter one, it does seem that the majority of bios/adopted kids appreciate the opportunity to foster and the experience. I had a contractor over the other day and his grandmother fostered (same land) and he did say there were tough times (a certain sibling group of four he was close to a LONG time, for example); but he had mostly good memories of it and felt it was an awesome service. So the hope is that our children feel similarly, develop more sympathy, have hearts of service, etc. We do, since our kids had the situation they did, make sure we address their own permanency.But age is a factor. Though some people adopt into their 50s and 60s, I really can't see that. One thing we are doing is keeping open a bed for an adoptive placement while fostering. That will allow us to take that school-aged little girl who is ready for forever. Now, we may or may not adopt foster placements, but we know our daughter can find us and we're ready for her also. Would that be an option for you?

It is tough. Our kids were our second sibling group. And we too are wondering how much longer we can do this 1) because of age and 2) to our children. On that latter one, it does seem that the majority of bios/adopted kids appreciate the opportunity to foster and the experience. I had a contractor over the other day and his grandmother fostered (same land) and he did say there were tough times (a certain sibling group of four he was close to a LONG time, for example); but he had mostly good memories of it and felt it was an awesome service. So the hope is that our children feel similarly, develop more sympathy, have hearts of service, etc. We do, since our kids had the situation they did, make sure we address their own permanency. But age is a factor. Though some people adopt into their 50s and 60s, I really can't see that. One thing we are doing is keeping open a bed for an adoptive placement while fostering. That will allow us to take that school-aged little girl who is ready for forever. Now, we may or may not adopt foster placements, but we know our daughter can find us and we're ready for her also. Would that be an option for you?

I love your perspective, Pam, thank you! About having an open bed while we are fostering another child....I am pretty sure that would be beyond what we will feel comfortable with. At this point, since my three are a pretty good handful of little boy energy as it is, I think one more will max me out! :) . It will be in God's hands, and at least we are open, if he chooses to bring us a girl :) .

I think in general things do tend to move quicker in TX, but that is a relative term. My AD was fast-tracked to adoption, I got her at 3 days (no parental involvement) and was adopted at 15 months... and that is considered fast, and by reading some of these post, it was. Now I have her sibling, was told that I could adopt in 6-9 months because of past histories it will be quick... well now it doesn't look like it will be that quick, bio mom was still given a plan (CW said this was in order to prove she was not capable of parenting), paternity has not be established, we don't even go back to court before the seven month in care mark... so much for the 6-9 months.... But, I hear you, as long as I know it is going to adoption I can wait, it is just the waiting to get to the waiting that is hard :arrow:

Lovebeingmama, I have followed your story, and was so happy for you both when lil Singer became officially your little girl, and when you got her brother! So sorry to hear that it may be a longer road to adopt him than anticipated! I am hoping that there are no unforeseen bumps in the road for you all. Thanks for always being so helpful, and for sharing your story:wings: