Foster and Facebook

I am pretty sure the majority of us have searched for the birth parents and/or their relatives and friends. They have no way of knowing unless you send them a friend request. It is super hard not to be a stalker. Be ware tho- It will also make you more angry, nervous, jealous and every other emotion you can think of.

Thanks for the replies. Today was the first visitation with bio-mom but she was a no show. Bio-dad showed up after time limit but he is not ok'd for visitation. We were in the parking lot putting babies in the car when he showed. We immediately recognized him because of FB- thankfully! We told social worker when he was coming up to us that he was there and explained that we had seen him on FB. She didn't seem thrilled but, when we explained some of what we saw on his page, she seemed more interested and now wants to see it herself. We had never been told we couldn't look them up so I got concerned. At least I now feel normal about looking them up :)

I did not look up AS biomom until we neared adoption, but I do not see a problem with looking them up. That was the only way for me to get a pic of her for my DS, and that was important to me for him.

Just my opinion but I would not be telling anyone involved (cps or CW's) that you looked them up on FB. That IMO is a "need to know" basis only!

I scoured fb for pics of our little lady. I found ultrasound pics, birth pics, baby pics...all of which I thought were important for her life book. I even found the post her mom made announcing her birth. It had time and weight! :banana: I do have a "fake"account with a made up name just in case I accidentally hit the like button as I'm scrolling. Lol Our worker was actually very happy we found all the pics we did. It's public info since their pages are public. I also needed to know what family looked like because we're in a small area. It's very likely we could run into someone out and about. It can become addicting, so be careful. Try not to get caught up in all the crazy stuff you see.

THIS!I always look-just to see pictures and kind of get an idea of what kind of people I'll be dealing with. Sometimes, it's okay. Other times, it's scary and I wish I didn't know things about them. It's harder to support reunification after you've been on Facebook and know the environment they'll be returning to

THIS! I always look-just to see pictures and kind of get an idea of what kind of people I'll be dealing with. Sometimes, it's okay. Other times, it's scary and I wish I didn't know things about them. It's harder to support reunification after you've been on Facebook and know the environment they'll be returning to[QUOTE This is my concern. They're not exactly good people. I understand reunification is the ultimate goal but... what would we be sending them back into?

Please use a fake account because it HAS happened where someone accidentally friend requested them & they accepted & saw a bunch of stuff the FP had posted about THEM, printed it out & it got very ugly. It happened on this forum I believe. For the love of all things holy, use a fake account.

We looked up our kiddos birth parents and were able to find some pics of them as babies. To this day, those are the only baby pictures of them we have. The adoption agency even used biomom's FB pics in their memory books. I can almost guarantee that if she knows your name she's looked you up as well. Biomom in our cases friend requested me shortly before adoption, as did an older half sibling. I didn't accept their requests for a number of reasons, but I am aware that if I change my profile picture to one of the kids that she and everyone else can see it. Also, where we live there isn't a rule saying you cannot, under any circumstances, post info or pics about the kids. What most do is to post pictures that don't show their faces (cute pic of baby toes, etc.) and give them nicknames. People in your life who know you will already know exactly who you're talking about. In our case we did just that, and when TPR was complete and we were named as adoptive parents we posted pictures of them. On the day of our adoption we posted a family pic with the big reveal - their names.

I can't edit my posts, so let me clarify - we can't post identifying info about the kids or specifics of their case. We can post "Took little Nugget to the carnival today, he loved the Ferris wheel!"

msjessicabee, we're not even allowed to do that. all mention of our kids is a no-no. no pictures, no mention, no names, nada. my version would be 'we went to the carnival and loved the ferris wheel!' it's super cautious here.

No mention at all? Wow. So, people who you don't directly tell (like, for example... a second cousin, or an old college friend) might never even know you're fostering? I suppose that's a good way to make sure there are no slips - someone posting too much info or a birth parent seeing info that made them upset. It just seems like (from our perspective anyway) that we're not able to share such a wonderful and exciting part of our life. I've written a bit about fostering and it's been published and shared on social media a bit. Everyone at the agency gave their blessing, because they recognize the need for more quality foster homes and the dispelling of myths about foster care and foster families. I think being able to represent the joy fostering brings, and the normalcy or our families (relatively speaking :banana: ) is an important part of that equation - as long as we're not giving identifying info for the kids or their families or speaking in details about their circumstances.

For safety reasons, I have made all of our FB accounts private so therefor, bio parents would not be able to look us up. We have been notified that we cannot post any pics of the children but were never told not to mention names, etc. To be on the safe side though, I have never mentioned their names... call them "little man" and "baby girl".

Looking up parent accounts is the only way we found out that our kids have 11 half-siblings. It was 9, but both bio parents ended up having another child after TPR. In fact, I wonder if there are any more now..

From what I understand (In my state) you CAN post pictures on FB as a part of the new normalcy laws, as long as your profile is private and you do not single the child out as a foster kid. I found my kids birthmom on FB after they were adopted. We talk just about everyday. But I would not advise this for everyone.