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I need some advice. A 15 yo girl was recently placed with me for adoption. Weekend visits went well and we moved to placement. Since then, it has been a rash of problems including skipping class, lying and manipulation, inappropriate sexual behavior with a peer after knowing him for a couple of hours, etc. I anticipated and was prepared for transitional issues, but recent information is telling me that there is more to the story than transition.
During the interview process, I asked many many questions - as did my adoption agency. I had several deal breakers including severe sexual abuse, cruelty to animals and major prenatal drug exposure - which was communicated to the county. After I was selected, I was given a fullӔ disclosure document (13 page document). When I asked for more information, I was told this contained a summary of all the relevant information and there was nothing more to know. I was told she was in foster care because of neglect, homelessness, inability of parents to care for her due to unemployment, drugs, and petty crimes such as shoplifting. I was told there was no sexual abuse, no physical abuse, no cruelty to animals, no prenatal exposure to drugs, no major behaviors other than that of a typical teenager, some mild depression, etc. Based on this document and all of our conference calls asking very specific questions regarding these issues, and further review of the information by my adoption agency, I continued forward to placement. After placement, I received 7 huge folders of documents. I have been going through this information and have been shocked by what I found: severe sexual abuse with violence, choking the family dog, recommended for a home with two parents and no pets, esp. cats (I am single and have two cats), major history of trauma, abuse, inappropriate behaviors, etc. including a recent issue of oral sex with a boy at her school a few weeks ago. None of this was in the fullӔ disclosure document given to me prior to placement. My agency also feels that the guardian county misled me and lied to me. I feel completely blindsided. When I asked the county why I was not told of these issues during the selection process, they really couldnt provide me with a response and then reverted to a major guilt trip of why I was making an issue of this. I turned down other kids who had similar backgrounds because I know what I am capable of handling and I am unsure of whether I am the right home for her. The county has put me in a very difficult spot and I am feeling very angry and lost and confused right now. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks.
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you were supposed to have full disclosure prior to agreeing to adopt.
they did not provide it. that puts them in legally indefensible position. they know it.
if you find that this is impossible for you, call your agency and put in your notice for disruption. this child clearly has the deal breaker history you said you couldn't do. don't do it.
and don't feel guilty if you decide that she is beyond your abilities as a parent. you did not make the issue. you are only dealing with it. and CPS should NEVER have place her without being truthful.
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Thank you for your understanding and advice. More information came to me from the school stating that the peer she had inappropriate sexual activity with has a violent criminal past and gang affiliation. The school is trying to remove him and a few of his friends. This girl has provided personal and private information to him regarding access to our home so it has now become a safety issue. After much consideration and discussions with my adoption agency, it has been determined that I should disrupt ASAP. The procedure has now been put into motion. I have also been told that I can report the county social workers who did not provide full disclosure to the NASW. The county has been very angry with me and threatening me with legal action. I have been cross-referencing their 13 page "full" disclosure with the 7 volumes of information that was given to me after placement and making notations of all of the items which were not disclosed to me - in case they try to pursue legal action. I am absolutely heartbroken over this and am angry at the county for putting me, and her, in this situation. My agency is wary of ever working with this specific county ever again. I will do everything in my power to help the girl adjust and I feel absolutely horrible for her. We will tell her Monday when her social worker will come by.
What kind of legal action are they threatening you with? You have every right to disrupt a placement at any point, as long as you follow the right procedure and have not finalized yet. Even if you don't follow all the right procedures in disrupting a placement, the most they can do is revoke your foster license. Also, don't just report the workers to the NASW; report them to the state licensing board. That can actually cause far more problems for them, because it is the state that can sanction, suspend, or revoke their licenses. Make sure you get the name and position of every person who is dealing inappropriately with you.
What kind of legal action are they threatening you with? You have every right to disrupt a placement at any point, as long as you follow the right procedure and have not finalized yet. Even if you don't follow all the right procedures in disrupting a placement, the most they can do is revoke your foster license.
Also, don't just report the workers to the NASW; report them to the state licensing board. That can actually cause far more problems for them, because it is the state that can sanction, suspend, or revoke their licenses. Make sure you get the name and position of every person who is dealing inappropriately with you.
It was a very vague threat saying I signed the placement agreement and I need to honor that commitment. However, it is just that - placement. Nothing has been finalized. I have worked with my adoption agency to follow the procedures for disruption so I cannot see how they could sue me for anything. This has been an emotional roller coaster and I appreciate everyone's support and understanding. It is extremely helpful.
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