Mom in prison: does "Scared Straight" work at 7?

I'd advocate for honesty without the rest.You can explain, in an age appropriate way, where she is and why without making it all about how he could end up there, too. In fact, I'd suggest expressing a little sympathy for her, whether you feel it or not. No matter her trangressions, jail can be a sad and scary place to be. Your empathy will speak louder than your admonition. Furthermore, many 7-year-olds experiment with lying and stealing. For most, it doesn't last. Bug did and is now an honest goody. Cricket used to lie or steal daily, and now we have issues maybe once a month. To be frank, playing the "scared straight" card is unnecessary at this age, and could even be damaging. It places emphasis on his "bad blood" and sends the message that he's destined to this fate without a lot of hard work. Please be more gentle with him.If he gets an age-appropriate, compassionate explanation and some support to understand it, perhaps he can participate in the decision whether or not to visit her there.

I'd advocate for honesty without the rest. You can explain, in an age appropriate way, where she is and why without making it all about how he could end up there, too. In fact, I'd suggest expressing a little sympathy for her, whether you feel it or not. No matter her trangressions, jail can be a sad and scary place to be. Your empathy will speak louder than your admonition. Furthermore, many 7-year-olds experiment with lying and stealing. For most, it doesn't last. Bug did and is now an honest goody. Cricket used to lie or steal daily, and now we have issues maybe once a month. To be frank, playing the "scared straight" card is unnecessary at this age, and could even be damaging. It places emphasis on his "bad blood" and sends the message that he's destined to this fate without a lot of hard work. Please be more gentle with him. If he gets an age-appropriate, compassionate explanation and some support to understand it, perhaps he can participate in the decision whether or not to visit her there.

I also think an honest explanation for why she can't be there is best. Just think how he will feel if you hide it from him and he finds out inadvertently from someone else. You want him to know that you will always be truthful with him, even if it is bad news. It needs to be explained in an age appropriate way of course, but he needs to know.

How long ago did you finalize? Similar boat here. Adopted kin, legally enforceable OA, parents continue to have issues When J was little, i wouldn't volunteer information. I'd only answer the question asked ("will daddy be there?" "I don't think so").. i learned that from a.com and it really saved the day. Honestly, at 6 and 7 years old she didn't care to know all the details. she merely wanted to set her own expectations When she was 9, however, i did have the prison talk with my DD (my cousin was looking at 6- 9 months for his 3rd DUI) The questions were more about why he wasn't in jail yet, since he already broke the law.. what's going to happen to her brother I wouldn't offer the prison visit unless your kiddo requests it best of luck to you

I would be honest but not fully honest. I would not take to prison. I would not even mention prison. 7 year olds are blabber mouths and I can just imagine the talk at school. Totally unnecessary in my opinion. I'd go with something along the lines of "Mom broke the rules. I don't know all of the details but the judge says she can't come to---------. I'm sure she will miss you. I hope she makes better choices next time." All true but not too much info. Good luck.

We finalized almost a year and a half ago, he's lived with us almost 2 and a half years, but still very much feels ties to his parents. I think we'll probably have to end up telling him why he can't have a visit; he is a huge blabbermouth normally, but he's pretty quiet about his parents around other people, so I'm not sure if he'll want to broadcast that. It probably helps cement in for him that his parents couldn't, in fact, care for him in the long term. I don't think he ever internalized that with the adoption. Thanks for all the advice.

I think telling the truth about why no visit is important. Even if you just say that mom is on an extended time out and not allowed to go places or have visits right now. She would if she could but she can't. I think telling him she's in prison would be fine. One thing to consider in deciding whether to actually do a visit at the prison is that for some kids, seeing the prison and the person in it is less scary than imagining the prison or only ever seeing the forbidding outside and barbed wire fence. I have had elementary age kids who were immensely comforted to see that their in prison parent is okay. My current 7-year-old placement (who will hopefully be going to a family member soon) was super worried about his mom in prison but felt better once he started having visits with her there once a week. Prior to a visit we explained: The outside of the prison is scary but the inside, where mom has to stay is kinda like a hamster cage. She gets fed and watered; there is enough food for her to be healthy but it might not always be her favorite. There's a cafeteria to eat like in a school and probably a library. There are outdoor fenced areas where they can exercise. There's the visit room where she can see people from outside that we'll see. They have rules about what can be taken in to a visit room and it's kinda like being screened to get on a plane. Mom has to stay there until the judge says she can leave because she made the choice to break some laws. Mom is not being hurt, just caged like a hamster to keep it from doing things that might hurt itself or someone else. (we stress that the bad choice involved was breaking laws because in a seminar we took, they told us that just saying parent had made bad choices sometimes led the child to think that ANY minor bad choice could lead to prison).