Hi new here, looking for support :)

Welcome! I am glad you are finally getting a chance to Adopt a teen. Like in any relationship, there will be issues to work through as Smarty referred to- but there are so many good kids! Also, you mentioned your state requires 6 months: Although you don't want that to be a trial, one of the purposes of that allotted time is to make sure it can be a forever thing for everyone. It's sometimes discouraged to be upfront that your intention is to adopt, just in case it doesn't work (to save the child from feeling rejected). But once you get to the point where you feel like it could be a forever thing for you, you and their case worker can have open conversations with them and make sure it matches for them too. The state can sometimes provide services to help them with any issues they are in recovery from. All the best in getting licensed and finding a good match! :)

The age recomendation comes to play because you don't want you bio kids to look up to some of the problems that come with foster kids. You might be ok with a 13 yo as long as you set expectations appropriately. Take your time with the adoption, and wait through the period (most states require 6 months or longer concurent placement before you can apply to adopt). Some teens are great, some of a few minor issues, and some really need to be taken by a house with no other kids. Unfortunatly you often can't tell if a kiddo is within your skillset over the first 3 months.

We adopted a 13 year old daughter in August which made her our oldest as we already had an 8 and 2 year old. She has been nothing but a blessing to our family. Unfortunately its the horror stories you hear about adopting out of order as I saw the same concerns. Every situation is different so I don't prescribe to it has to be done one way or the other.

joer1980, I am so glad for you and your daughter to now have each other, and that it's been a smooth transition into being family! I try not to be naive about issues when I think of foster to adopting, but I also can't help but see the good in the kids!

Hi everyone, I just found this post and realized I never followed up...we did start classes in Jan 2015 as planned but then my MIL became ill, we had to bring her from FL to MA and eventually she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This has NOT been easy. She has lived with us for a year (to the day!) now and while we had to take a break from our adoption training to deal with her, I am proud to say that we were finally licensed in Oct '15, matched shortly afterwards and met CJ a 16yo boy in Jan of this year. So far we have had 4 visits with him and we are taking him skiing this afternoon :) He's a great kid but very guarded, understandably...has been in foster care (mostly residential placements with one failed pre-adoptive placement at age 11) since he was 8. He's smart, athletic, and interested in lots of different things...he and my kids have met twice and seem to get along. We are all still feeling each other out...no deep conversations about the future have been held yet, but he does know that our intent is to foster him and eventually adopt him. He spent the day at our house last Saturday and liked it a lot. Our hope is that he will continue to grow more comfortable with us, open up a bit, start overnights next month and move in at the end of the school year. He is a junior right now so he has only one year of HS left. He wasn't sure he would even want to meet us, he was surprised that there was a family interested in him after all this time. But he likes us and we are making progress. It will take a long time to build trust but we are in this for real. I will post updates...I too think people are so quick to share horror stories but there are success stories out there too. We are just beginning our journey with CJ.