Advertisements
Hey all, I am new to the forums, but not this site. I registered about 4 years ago now. I have never been big on talking about my personal life, especially this subject. However, after searching for any birth family for almost a decade now, with no real results, I guess I am ready to connect with the community.
I am SO angry..this search has been beyond frustrating! I was born in Florida, lucky for me FL is one of the many states that don't allow public access to adoption records and original birth certificates *note sarcasm*. My next step was to contact the agency my birth and adoptive parents used. They can help, but the waiting list is apparently so long, that I have been waiting to hear back from them since 2011. .seriously? Plus, they want $200 for something or other. "Yep..just a mere 200 bucks to find out who YOUR parents are! Cough it up, we know you're desperate"! Ugh
I have also registered with several other reunion registries, and used two different DNA services, including 23andMe. While I did find out some interesting stuff (even found some 2nd and 3rd cousins, a few who have responded to my messages have been nice enough to talk with me..which is the closest I've ever come to connecting with a blood family member!), nothing really came of it. None of them know who my immediate family members are, and the trail went cold again.
My latest action, sent an email to a Search Angel. Just waiting to hear back, it was only a few days ago.
I do feel like I've made some progress...but over the years, the search has started to negatively affect me.
Ever since my parents told me I was adopted, I've been wanting to know who they are..to someday meet them. So when I turned 18, I eagerly began my search. I had no idea back then just how mentally and emotionally taxing it would be. I didn't know I'd eventually become a bit bitter that it wasn't as easy as I'd originally thought it'd be. Do they not want to be found? Do they not want to know me? If they did, I really do think I'd know more than I do by now. If I am right though, I don't care. They owe me an explanation for the pain they caused in my life. I was able to overlook my anger that had built up over the years in anticipation of finding them. As my hope starts to fade for the first time, I feel that anger back in the depths of my gut. I want to cry, then scream as f'in loud as I can and tear all my hair out by the roots!!!
Like
Share
Welcome Step - I so sorry that you too are having to go through this.
Have you checked into the state of Florida on whether or not they also hold your non-id info? Some states will also have it, other states not so much. Worth checking as sometimes if you get lucky you get the piece of the puzzle that matters.
Did you also do the dna testing on ancestrydotcom and then searching that way?
Kind regards,
Dickons
Advertisements
Florida Department of Social Services can't help me since the state was not responsible for facilitating my adoption. Children's Home Society of Orlando facilitated it, so unfortunately, I have to wait until the get back with me. I called a few months ago, and they said I was definitely still on the waiting list, but due to a lack of staff, it might be a while. So basically, I am stuck until THEY are ready to help.
I haven't used the Ancestry.com service, no. What makes them better or different than 23andMe?
Hi Steph---How frustrating for you....Did you contact the Jacksonville office of CHS / Adoption Archives Program ? (904-493-7780--Jenn Graham/jen.graham@chsfl.org was the contact. CHS should be reminded that on their w-site under Search and Reunion Services they state , "We have a short waiting list." (yes, and high fees for adoptees to obtain their own info !) I was adopted in another state and have to receive my non-identifying via an agency in Florida. Unfortunately I've found there is a general lack of awareness here....sigh. Sending you many ++ thoughts on this journey..
Advertisements
Does FL have a confidential intermediary program? We used that in WA before they changed the law. It didn't cost much and the CI found my husband's birth mom in less than 2 weeks.
Husband's birthmom was totally computer illiterate. So were his b-sisters. I had messages posted everywhere but they didn't even look for them because none of them has a computer. There are still people like that in this world. They may want to find you as much as you want to find them but haven't a clue as to how to go about it and fear of rejection might keep them from finding out.
Good luck. It can take awhile and it is frustrating but it's so worth it in the end.