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In two weeks time, my AMom will be meeting my BMom and two of my five brothers. The uncertainty and anxiety I feel about this is driving me crazy. I want everything to go well and there to be no animosity between either of them. My AMom has been very accepting and welcoming about my relationship with my Bparents. However, she intially requested that she never have to meet my Bparents. My Bparents were happy to abide by her request and I make sure the two sides never interact with each other. In two weeks I will be attending a science expo near where my Bparents live. My BMom wants to meet me there with two of my brothers to catch up. My AMom just recently told me she wants to go with me to the expo. I won't tell either woman she can't come and already informed them that the other will be there. I can only hope it goes well. Anyone have any advice about this? I want the meeting to go smoothly without me having numerous anxiety attacks about it.
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njhorsegirl
In two weeks time, my AMom will be meeting my BMom and two of my five brothers. The uncertainty and anxiety I feel about this is driving me crazy. I want everything to go well and there to be no animosity between either of them. My AMom has been very accepting and welcoming about my relationship with my Bparents. However, she intially requested that she never have to meet my Bparents. My Bparents were happy to abide by her request and I make sure the two sides never interact with each other. In two weeks I will be attending a science expo near where my Bparents live. My BMom wants to meet me there with two of my brothers to catch up. My AMom just recently told me she wants to go with me to the expo. I won't tell either woman she can't come and already informed them that the other will be there. I can only hope it goes well. Anyone have any advice about this? I want the meeting to go smoothly without me having numerous anxiety attacks about it.
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My Amom was very calm about it. She tried to reassure me she wouldn't freak out in front of BMom and be courteous. She is prone to dramatic episodes so I'm not sure I believe her or not. I will be making them meet in a public place. Hopefully the adorableness of my 13 year old brother will be enough of a distraction to help.
My Amom was very calm about it. She tried to reassure me she wouldn't freak out in front of BMom and be courteous. She is prone to dramatic episodes so I'm not sure I believe her or not. I will be making them meet in a public place. Hopefully the adorableness of my 13 year old brother will be enough of a distraction to help.
Unless you just plan to introduce your a-mom to your b-family, have them talk for a short time, and then she goes off to enjoy the Expo by herself for a while, you won't "catch up" with your b-family. It will be a meeting of your families. You won't be able to catch up because your a-mom won't understand the conversation, and that could be very uncomfortable. she'd probably feel left out. Out of curiosity, did she decide to go to the Expo after learning that you are going to meet members of your b-family there?
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Can you manage some "alone" time with each of your moms at the expo? I think it took a while for my bson's mom to be comfortable around me. (We'll probably never be best friends but we both love our son.) Has your mom been comfortable hearing about your experiences with your bmom at all? My advice is to try to relax. Anxiety is contagious. Each of these women have a special place in your life. It's not the same place! I tried to make it clear to S. that I respected her and her place in D's life and had no desire to replace her. I know it's challenging, but the calmer you can be the easier it will be, even if you have to remind your mom of her promise not to lose it .
I'm sure you want it to be natural, but if it was me, I would come up with some mental bullet points of conversation topics ahead of time. Then you can try and guide the conversation a little bit to involve everyone there. Knowing ahead that this could make your Amom uneasy, I would ask her what her expectations are and have a conversation of what to expect. The last thing you want is someone feeling left out. Complimenting everyone, addressing everyone...I'm sure they are obvious things you're already planning on, but that would be the peptalk I'd give myself going into the meet-up. :)
Ok, one thing I am going to tell you, and this may be unpopular is that they are both adults and for your sake they need to make an effort to get along. You shouldn't be the one having to smooth everything out for them. My mom and dad make an effort to get along with my brother and his wife. (My mother isn't interested in reunion.) I make an effort to get along with my son's mom, even though I'm not fond of her. That is my job, I'm the adult and she is the adult and granted, he is a kid, but still. I'd tell both of them that the other is going to be there and if you are concerned about the others behavior I'd tell them so and then put it on them to behave themselves.
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