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I'm adopted and recently I've been thinking about my birth mother...like a lot. Questions like "does she still think of me? Does she love me? Is trying to find me? Does she care?" Lots of questions. But as an adoptee, I know the questions another adoptee might think (I realize everyone is different). But I just got to wondering "what kind of questions do birth mothers think?" Do birth mothers have questions like: Wonder if their child thinks of them? Wants to know them? Will understand? Do you wonder if your child hates you(I hope not!!! Just trying to understand what you are feeling.)? *that last question wasn't meant to be rude, I was just wondering if that's something you've thought of. Also, if you have other questions you think of, I'd be happy to hear those! Thanks!
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I think my most immediate question before I found my son was "Is he alive?" I wondered if he was looking for me, if he was interested in or wanted a relationship with me. As I read posts of adoptees, I wondered about his emotions about being adopted. (Even though we have a very comfortable relationship, he doesn't talk much about his emotions.) I wondered what he thought about me and what he had been told.
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We think about them every day, watching my son graduate makes me sad that I never got see that with her. Question if she hates me or doubts my love for her. I know I did the right thing for her , not the right thing for me. But it didn't change the deviation that was felt for the lose of her in my life.
Hello Adoptee!I'm a birthmother. In answering some of your questions . . . yes, yes, yes . . . this is what I experienced.- Yes, I was told you can get on with your life and put the birth behind you. Nope, that never happened- Yes, there was never a birthday, holiday, or friend/family birth that did not remind me of my son.- Yes, I wondered if he was alive or dead, if he thought of me, wanted to know me, wanted to find me??- Yes, I would accept him however I would find him.- I prayed during and after my pregnancy that God would place my baby in a Christian home. Yes, God answered by prayer.- Yes, he was worth the money to hire an investigator.A mother never forgets, always longs for a reunion, always loves.My suggestion to you is . . .- Go to the agency that facilitated the adoption and see if there is anything in a file from your birthmother. I say this because I left cards, letters, and pictures along with a signed form that allowed my son to locate me and have anything in the file. You could be surprised what is there. I found a 6 month old picture the adoptive mother left for me.- Hire an investigator to locate your mother/father, other family members. I hire "Kinsolving Investigators" out of Matthews, North Carolina. I had my son found within one month. It took that long only because the birthdate had been changed.- Your mother was undoubtedly living within 50 miles of where you were adopted.I hope I was helpful. I'm available if you have any additional questions. Pray