Advertisements
We live in MO. We are and went into foster care training strictly to get our adoption license, which we have had for almost a year. We have had one placement which was a known temporary placement at the beginning. I have made it clear to my worker over and over again (even in our home-study) what we will not take in due to our inexperience and also due to not having the proper behavioral training to handle these big issues. No kids of our own, and yes I know experience is good but many people have adopted without experience.
We've had two failed adoption interviews, first one we did very well on and understood why we were not chosen; second one was very unprofessional (long story); but we were one of two families and felt like the fit was not for us once we gathered more information that was not handed out in the beginning. Now, every time our case worker or other workers calls about a placement (which is almost always a foster placement) we are lied to and not told the whole truth (which I understand is in most states right?) about the situations the kids are in, even though they know the issue!
We are tired of being lied to, yes I know a private agency can lie but our goal is to adopt, not to foster at this time. We do want to foster after we raise a child of our own (long term goal).
I do not know however how to go about looking for private adoption stuff besides cold calling agencies in our state. We have an age range and a list of what will accept and what we want. We are not looking for a perfect child, my nephew has behavioral issues, we understand completely and if we did have our child we know it could be the same way. However, the issue right now I am having is to go private or stay in the foster care system.
Thank you for reading this and thank you for your care to kiddos all around!
Like
Share
I understand that it's very frustrating when the workers lie to you all the time. It's not just your state but in all of them. However remember that not every worker lies. There are some good ones out there. The one thing is to try and figure out what they are saying in so many words. Here is a link that may help you.
[url]http://forums.adoption.com/social-worker-therapists-point-view-foster-care/424823-adoption-photo-listings-reading-between-lines.html[/url]
I will say, as someone who did foster to adopt and was not able to adopt through that system and we eventually went with a private agency. Most children that are place for adoption stay with their foster parents. something like 70%. The ones that do not tend to have great medical or mental health problems. It makes them harder to adopt. We went with a private agency after three years of foster care. It was incredibly frustrating. We were able to adopt three siblings but it took a good year or so to get a match that I thought would work for our family.
One thing I would tell you is if you switch to a private agency is to remember that they may not lie to you but they are usually relying on social workers in the foster care system who may lie to your worker. However at least your worker will be able to help advocate for you and you are not on your own anymore. That would be a benefit of switching to a private agency.
Good luck and don't do anything you are not comfortable with
Advertisements
I think that there is a real benefit to using a private agency. Like PP said, they will advocate for you. Often agency SW have, or at least take, the time to focus on their families, and their specific needs and desires.
It is possible to adopt an infant through Foster Care, this board is full of such stories. I adopted an infant who came as a Risk Placement, meaning they didn't know what was going to happen, but CPS knew the birth family from previous cases and was pretty sure it would go straight to adoption, and it did. Now, I am in the process of adopting her brother.
You have to follow whatever path you feel is right for you and your family, that is how your child will find you.
I hear what you are saying. We are in the process of being certified for foster/adoption in our state as well and have similar concerns. As previously stated most fosters who are adopted stay with the foster families which is why our state is currently piloting in 5 counties resources families being certified for both foster and adoption.Yes, across the country you don't get the whole story directly and you need to learn to read between the lines..ie: can't be with younger children, no pets in home, separate bedrooms, etc...these are all red flags and perhaps why these children are photo listed...sometimes it is just their age. I work in an area that deals with infant adoptions. You have to understand that case workers only know what they have gleaned from he child if old enough or from the biological family and sometimes they don't disclose the full details even when a private facilitated adoption. The truth is if you are looking for an infant...what you won't take someone else will even if the facts aren't disclosed because they want a child so badly. That said go where your heart and head take you. There are 2 books I have found good reads: Our Own about adopting the older child and Adopting through foster care.Wishing you the best
I hear what you are saying. We are in the process of being certified for foster/adoption in our state as well and have similar concerns.
As previously stated most fosters who are adopted stay with the foster families which is why our state is currently piloting in 5 counties resources families being certified for both foster and adoption.
Yes, across the country you don't get the whole story directly and you need to learn to read between the lines..ie: can't be with younger children, no pets in home, separate bedrooms, etc...these are all red flags and perhaps why these children are photo listed...sometimes it is just their age. I work in an area that deals with infant adoptions. You have to understand that case workers only know what they have gleaned from he child if old enough or from the biological family and sometimes they don't disclose the full details even when a private facilitated adoption. The truth is if you are looking for an infant...what you won't take someone else will even if the facts aren't disclosed because they want a child so badly. That said go where your heart and head take you. There are 2 books I have found good reads: Our Own about adopting the older child and Adopting through foster care.
Wishing you the best
Thank you all so much. I have contacted a few private agencies. The reason being is mainly because of the lying and also we live in an area where we literally border 3 states within 30 miles. I do not feel comfortable getting a child way out of state (a few states over). We would like a child aged 2-8. I know we are kind of 'picky' but we have no children of our own and haven't had training in medically fragile or special needs. That being said, we do like our CW and understand the frustration they go through as well, but it would be nice if they would just give it to us straight because my husband and I neither one see that as helpful to the child nor to foster/adopt parents. Thank you so much for your advice. We are not at wits end yet but just very disappointed, like that commercial on TV,"That's not how it works, that's not how any of this works" is what I feel like. Just keep us in thoughts and prayers, thank so much. Blessings!
Advertisements
[QUOTE
I will say, as someone who did foster to adopt and was not able to adopt through that system and we eventually went with a private agency. QUOTE]
Can you private message me the agency which you used and some that you liked? We want to adopt domestically and age range of 2-10, preferably 4-8.
Thanks so much for your help!