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Happy Birthday Nicky. Maybe it is divine intervention, that my first post disappeared and didn't upload. For your birthday, I am going to give you some truths.(And hopefully some pictures.)
I cannot say it enough, that when I found out about this new Independent adoption process, it really seemed like that was something, that emotionally, I could handle. It would be hard but it beat the alternative. You know the alternative right? It's what your adoptive parents ended up doing to us anyway.
Lisa and Richard (the names they gave as their own) spoke to me often on the phone, promising me that I would never have to wonder if you were alive or dead. If you were healthy, having problems in school. I would never have to wonder about what you looked like and if you were happy. They told me that was what was so wonderful about Independent adoption! They could and would keep as involved as possible without it being like an open adoption. They didn't want me to know their last name or where exactly they lived, I understood that. It took months to convince me, because they knew the situation as it was because it came out of my mouth to them on MANY occasions.
With each passing birthday, my hate and resentment for them grew stronger and stronger until I realized, that it does nothing but keep that wound open. And they don't care what it has done to our family. They got what they wanted. They have a letter for you and photos for you. I sent them and they were received by the New Mexico lawyer and sent on to New York. Paperwork, it's a wonderful thing to keep.
I don't want you to think that if you reach out to us, that it is going to be a hatefest about your A parents. It won't be. I've given them enough years of my life, they get no more. It will be all about you. And hopefully about your sister and us. It will go in whatever direction you want it to go.
My name is Lynette Szafranowicz. I gave birth to you 3.21.86. I later married your father and later we gave birth to your little sister. My name now is Lynette (I prefer Lynn) Cipun.
The photos I am going to attempt to upload again, are of us in the hospital before they took you. I have many photos, because I thought back then, I would be able to show you the first few days of your life. Pictures of me and you, your grandma and me and you. Your aunt Teresa and you. And these photos as you look at them, they aren't those of "we will never see you again, good bye", because we ALL fully believed that your A parents would be sending a yearly photos with a note on how you were doing. You can see the sadness in our eyes but also the hope for a great future for you. We aren't sociopaths, we didn't take pictures because we morbidly believed those would be the last ones ever. Had I known that, well, had I been smart enough to know that whatever is in the adoption papers, it would have been different.
You are loved and you have another family here in Illinois, New Mexico, and Nevada. Your grandmother who was there and can verify everything is getting on in years. The only fact right now is that our family is getting older, sicker and are dying off. I am not trying to lay guilt trips, I am stating facts. Happy birthday my angel. We love you.
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Happy Birthday Nicky. Maybe it is divine intervention, that my first post disappeared and didn't upload. For your birthday, I am going to give you some truths.(And hopefully some pictures.) I cannot say it enough, that when I found out about this new Independent adoption process, it really seemed like that was something, that emotionally, I could handle. It would be hard but it beat the alternative. You know the alternative right? It's what your adoptive parents ended up doing to us anyway. Lisa and Richard (the names they gave as their own) spoke to me often on the phone, promising me that I would never have to wonder if you were alive or dead. If you were healthy, having problems in school. I would never have to wonder about what you looked like and if you were happy. They told me that was what was so wonderful about Independent adoption! They could and would keep as involved as possible without it being like an open adoption. They didn't want me to know their last name or where exactly they lived, I understood that. It took months to convince me, because they knew the situation as it was because it came out of my mouth to them on MANY occasions. With each passing birthday, my hate and resentment for them grew stronger and stronger until I realized, that it does nothing but keep that wound open. And they don't care what it has done to our family. They got what they wanted. They have a letter for you and photos for you. I sent them and they were received by the New Mexico lawyer and sent on to New York. Paperwork, it's a wonderful thing to keep. I don't want you to think that if you reach out to us, that it is going to be a hatefest about your A parents. It won't be. I've given them enough years of my life, they get no more. It will be all about you. And hopefully about your sister and us. It will go in whatever direction you want it to go. My name is Lynette Szafranowicz. I gave birth to you 3.21.86. I later married your father and later we gave birth to your little sister. My name now is Lynette (I prefer Lynn) Cipun. The photos I am going to attempt to upload again, are of us in the hospital before they took you. I have many photos, because I thought back then, I would be able to show you the first few days of your life. Pictures of me and you, your grandma and me and you. Your aunt Teresa and you. And these photos as you look at them, they aren't those of "we will never see you again, good bye", because we ALL fully believed that your A parents would be sending a yearly photos with a note on how you were doing. You can see the sadness in our eyes but also the hope for a great future for you. We aren't sociopaths, we didn't take pictures because we morbidly believed those would be the last ones ever. Had I known that, well, had I been smart enough to know that whatever is in the adoption papers, it would have been different. You are loved and you have another family here in Illinois, New Mexico, and Nevada. Your grandmother who was there and can verify everything is getting on in years. The only fact right now is that our family is getting older, sicker and are dying off. I am not trying to lay guilt trips, I am stating facts. Happy birthday my angel. We love you.
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