i gave up my son for adoption almost 10 years ago, it was an open adoption and the parents maintain a relationship with myself and my family. I absolutely appreciate it more than i can express but i feel like i don't know how to express it to them. they couldn't have kids, after i gave them my son, they were able to have a child of their own, so now not only do they thank me for 1 child but both and thats a lot for me. I see him for birthdays and holidays, they come to my daughters bdays as well that i had 3 years after i gave him up. I'm just so confused on how i feel. the mom had recently made a FB and requested me so i warned her i have posted some photos of my some and it says he is my son so if it upset them i apologized and i was sent back a response stating that now he is of school aged kids they are keeping that he is adopted more private bc kids can be very mean which i understood, and that now for days they would have a separate party or my family to keep that topic secret. made me wonder if they were going to hold try to telling him he was adopted when he is of age to understand. its just scary and not something i feel is my right to ask. I'm also worried about when it is right to tell my daughter who is 7, because it kind of has to be coordinated with when they tell my son bc we all know how little kids can not keep a secret, sorry I'm just venting!
I am an AP and I think the best that you can do is to try to talk openly to them. There is a high chance that they already told their son that he was adopted, but they are not going to tell everybody about it in order to protect his privacy.
10 us a rough age.. We've always been open about DD's adoption status, In kindergarten and first grade, it was really no big deal.
by 4th, 5th grade, kid's have started to look for differences... for weaknesses to bully. It may be that the child understands they are adopted, but is requesting privacy for that (or another) reason
i agree with PP. it sounds like a good, face to face, discussion with the APs is in order (FB is great, but not the best way to communicate re: personal issues)
I agree with the previous poster that they may already have told your son he is adopted but they don't trumpet it to the public. As far as Facebook goes, they can set who can see posts from you on their page (or you can so that only certain people see photos of your son.) You do need to find out what they have told their son and when he knows he has a sister. I didn't tell my raised children until they were teens but I had a closed adoption and no assurance that they would ever even meet.